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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Disturbing FB message about trans grooming of child. Advice please

32 replies

HotRocker · 14/07/2018 11:31

Recently I’ve started posting items about female erasure, trans issues and safeguarding children on Facebook. Yesterday I received a very worrying message from a friend who’s 16 year old son came out as trans a year ago. She doesn’t mind if he is trans, because she’s always encouraged her children to be who they want to be, but she doesn’t really believe that he is. She suspects that he has been groomed by a group on a gaming forum. She also suspects this group of promoting self harm. She has seen messages, the contents of which she didn’t disclose, but she said they all appear to be from older people. When her son found out he locked his computer down with passwords so she no longer has access.
She wanted to know if I‘d ever heard of grooming going on. I told her that I’ve not seen it first hand but I’ve heard about it from others, and seen screenshots of tweets where people post websites where cross sex hormones can be purchased.
I directed her to the Transgender Trend website, because to be honest I have no idea what else to do.
Has anybody else seen or heard of trans groups grooming young, vulnerable people on the Internet. I understand that this boy is very vulnerable, so he would seem a perfect target. Also, does anyone have any information or links to resources or support groups I could send her. I feel really crap because she’s come to me for information and I don’t really have any.
She asked me if I thought she was being paranoid. No, from everything I’ve seen and heard I don’t think she is.
Please help me, if you can. I’m scared because this stuff keeps coming closer and closer to home, and we are screaming out about it and no one is listening. I have a 10 year- old son myself and I’m worried for his future.

OP posts:
UpstartCrow · 14/07/2018 11:34

I think at this point she needs to go to the police, and phone the NSPCC.

Other groups are known to use gaming as a way of recruiting disaffected young men, but as self harm is indicated she should get outside help today.

IAmLurkacus · 14/07/2018 11:36

Transgendertrend are her best bet. Also tell her to look up Lily Maynard and 4thWavenow.

I believe her.

TruscumTeen · 14/07/2018 11:37

I've heard of this happening before, on Tumblr and Reddit etc - especially with young people who are already vulnerable (suffering from MH issues, for example). There seems to be lots of encouragement to "go behind your parents backs" and get hormones off the internet.

I don't have any suggestions as to where to go, so hopefully someone will be along soon to help Flowers

Caaarrrl · 14/07/2018 11:38

Tell her to contact CEOP and NSPCC asap

womanformallyknownaswoman · 14/07/2018 11:43

Oh dear - how awful and yes I believe her and yes grooming comes in many different guises. This sounds like the cult-like behaviours referred to in another thread.

And yes it's important to keep a channel of communication open with him and also express concern for his long-term welfare, over and over, repeating that the human brain doesn't mature until 26 and not to start taking anything now that will compromise his maturing into adulthood. It's hard as no doubt he won't want to hear it but it does get through if said in the right way and not in panic or fear. And somehow wean him away from the net - sports, a trip where no wifi and so on.

Original poster
HotRocker · 14/07/2018 11:45

Apparently he says he hates her because she won’t take him to the doctors and get him on puberty blockers. He’s already talking about buying hormones online.

OP posts:
QuentinSummers · 14/07/2018 11:47

Grooming happens a lot - for example pro anorexia/pro suicide sites
Perhaps you could direct your child to read/discuss some of these kind of things to get some distance from the trans stuff but also promote some critical thought round what ppl on the internet are saying
www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/media-spotlight/201604/the-internet-suicide-minefield

CEOP is good advice

SardinesAreYum · 14/07/2018 11:51

DD1 is on Animo and lots of trans groups there esp trans boys and loads of conversations about self harm, binding, suicidal ideas, etc

It is everywhere and is an outlet for teen angst I think.

It's when it gets medical that I've got an issue with it.

DD1 is GNC and I think maybe susceptible to this so I have a lot of chats with her about it all. When I asked if she thought people could literally change sex as in a man change to have a baby and a woman change to have a willy that is the same functionally as a man's 9can't remember how I put it now she's quite young!) she said "Yes?".

This is all over the internet for sites that young people follow. And you know how it is with all the hormones and angst and parents don't understand men... It's like goth or something back in the day but with worrying extras.

SardinesAreYum · 14/07/2018 11:53

So yes I believe that what you say is more than possible.

Others have given good advice.

womanformallyknownaswoman · 14/07/2018 12:04

Talk to the experts obviously as they know.

What occurs to me is working with him on what can be done and what can't - yet. Thus maybe there's some way to keep talking with him but slow him down. To look at the pros and cons in a more structured way. Just some thoughts. Outright opposition will just push him away I imagine.

PS I paid for my daughter to go on an overseas trip to get her out of a tricky situation - but she was a little older at 18 - one where they were out of communication a lot of the time and kept very busy....

Pratchet · 14/07/2018 12:11

Can she switch of the home internet and end his phone direct debit? Sounds urgent.

Pratchet · 14/07/2018 12:12

I would warn her that going to the authorities or outside agencies could see her labelled as abusive. Lily Maynard's child desisted and may be able to give good advice.

Pratchet · 14/07/2018 12:13

Grooming for sex, will be seen as grooming. Grooming for trans - may well not be seen that way at all.

Pratchet · 14/07/2018 12:14

Also the previous poster who suggested removing from the situation is good advice. Holiday, grandparents, anything.

Snappity · 14/07/2018 12:14

Self medication is extremely dangerous. Self-medication can literally kill. If I was a parent who thought my child might be self-medicating I would be wanting to share the concern with a GP and get a full set of blood tests done ASAP. Hopefully they will not show any signs of medicating, but if they do specialist advice can be sought.

I know many parents who follow Transgender Trend believe in keeping doctors out of the picture, but if there is any concern that a child might have self-medicated I really encourage a parent to get blood tests for the child.

I would also

(That's in addition to the concerns about grooming.)

Pratchet · 14/07/2018 12:15

Doctors are too scared not to affirm. That may result in a prescription for damaging drugs.

Snappity · 14/07/2018 12:17

I would also...

... be explaining to the child how and why self-medication is dangerous and that an unsupervised hormone regime can significantly impair the ultimate level of masculinisation / feminisation achieved.

Self-medication is bad.

NC4Now · 14/07/2018 12:17

If she is concerned about any type of grooming she needs to speak to the police or NSPCC.
I don’t know who TT are and they may well be able to offer additional support, but there is a real safeguarding concern to be tackled here.

Pratchet · 14/07/2018 12:18

The aim of TRA will be to get them to a doctor for affirmation.

Alternatively, I've heard that if you ask for an appointment at a gender clinic, you get one in 18 months bc the waiting lists are so long. That might be an option for mollificatuon or a deal. I.e. Trade an appointment in a year's time for going to a PROPER therapist who won't affirm (good luck finding one)

Pratchet · 14/07/2018 12:18

Like, buy time

Pratchet · 14/07/2018 12:21

Bear in mind the child will be groomed in what to say or do. Polly Carmichael herself (of Tavistock) said it's easy for kids to get a prescription because they go online and are told what to say to clinicians. The child will be groomed in how to get the parent to take them to a doctor including emotional blackmail.

Snappity · 14/07/2018 12:21

Doctors are too scared not to affirm. That may result in a prescription for damaging drugs.

I don't know as much about the drugs for masculinisation but some of the big risks of self-medication for feminisation are
1 brain tumour
2 blood clots
3 liver / kidney damage

If a parent believes a child might have self-medicated I believe the parent should set their ideology aside and think about medical safety.

Pratchet · 14/07/2018 12:24

if

The child has not, according to the OP. You are doing the same as the people the child is talking to online.

Snappity · 14/07/2018 12:24

The aim of TRA will be to get them to a doctor for affirmation.

In this context that's a ridiculous divert.

Pratchet · 14/07/2018 12:25

Certainly advise your friend to get familiar very quickly with the tactics used by TRA. And to make clear to the child that he / she is behaving exactly as expected.