Gay male parents dealling with sexism?!

[DresdenChina]

Sorry if putting links in isn't ok, im in a rush and wanted to post! article is called The everyday sexism I face as a stay at home Dad.

www.bbc.com/news/stories-44718727

Just interested in thoughts here as I have no skin in this game per se not being a mother, however I have PLENTY of thoughts on rich het couples and gay men co-opting poor women's bodies just because they can.

The way people are behaving towards them is spiteful, horrible and definitely sexist.

Aye Dresden.

Shame he got patronised at a baby group. Also a shame he thinks it’s acceptable to rent a womb and buy a baby.

Apart from the waitress’ comments, I can’t see this as sexist. Women get this crap all the time, unsolicited comments on your parenting skills and at mother and baby groups from those ‘more experienced’ than you .

Apart from the waitress’ comments, I can’t see this as sexist. Women get this crap all the time, unsolicited comments on your parenting skills and at mother and baby groups from those ‘more experienced’ than you hmm.

This.

I have never been anywhere with a fractious baby and not been given copious advice from others. In a tots group, it's often well meant. The woman who offered to hold the baby for a bit was being kind FFS, it's a common thing to do when a parent is having a struggle, and sometimes another human holding the baby can help.
Obviously the homophobia stuff isn't good, but the unsolicited advice and offers of help as a wounding slight to him? What an enormous chip on his shoulder.
And yes, totally anti-commercial surrogacy myself, whatever the sexuality of the buyer.

It would be sexist if this only happened to fathers. It doesn't.

I have 2 kids and found the hardest part of being a parent, to the first, was all the put downs.

By the time I had my second I did give a shit what people thought and enjoyed being a parent far more.

As for ther3 not being many 'dad and baby group's' , that's because there aren't many sahd. Women were staying at home for hundreds of years before there became a plethora of different groups. These groups are for the women as much as the baby. They are a lifeline for lots of women because they can talk to other women who have had similar experiences.

If dad's want loads of groups, they need to start them and work for them. Like women have. Or did men expect that women would be so happy, that there are some sahd, that we would create their groups for them too.

I feel that if he'd been ignored and left to get on with looking after his child, the article would have been about how other mums are mean and don't offer support. Every single mother I know has been subject to comments like that - some helpful, some patronising. It's part and parcel of being a parent, not sexism.

The comment about groups being called mummy and whatever is just ridiculous. It obviously doesn't mean he's not welcome at them. They are by and large all women groups - do women now need to relinquish the word mother as well as woman?

Yet again, women are the victims of patriarchy and are now being reconfigured as oppressors somehow. Madness.

Homophobia is obviously never ok

But everything else that's mentioned has either happened to me personally or ive seen happen to other women

We all get 'helpful' comments and advice about our children. It's not limited to men at all and we all take it personally at some point or another.

I agree activities aimed at babies and toddlers should be aimed at parents rather than just Mums as lots of men do shared care. I find it quite unusual they found that so many were because my experience is groups are generally quite careful about being gender neutral now. Even a decade ago our group was parents & toddlers. I suspect some exaggeration there.

I'm sure they are very good parents but they do seem to interpret fairly normal behaviour by women at baby groups (offering advice, asking if they can hold the baby for them) as evidence of them being condescending harpies.

I guess women are only useful when providing their bodies for reproductive labour.

Unbelievable nonsense.

Mothers are told they are doing it wrong all the time and yes from other mothers but also randoms in the street, inlaws, colleagues

I once had someone coming up to me while I was breastfeeding telling me that I was doing it wrong. Not that I was wrong to BF but I what I was doing, was wrong. I didn't ask why, other words were used.

Men don't appear to get this if they are doing the 'babysitting' role in public but do if they are doing it 'full time'.

Gosh!

Two of the anecdotes involved his child sobbing incontinently and him not being able to calm her. That's horrid and we've all had that but I reckon usually most of us remove child rather than insist on involving (disrupting) everyone else. In one, they were activity disrupting a class and on the other probably causing a nightmare in a restaurant. In far less extreme situations, I remember judgemental or sanctimonious comments. I don't think it's sexism, it just happens!

Slightly curious where they rented the womb.

Yawn.

Welcome to our world.

Minus the physical stress of getting over being a pregnant and having everyone comment on how you've put on weight/ lost the weight...

I wonder how much the baby cost.

The waitress's comment was homophobic. It's not at all obvious that she would have said something similar to a single dad and baby. Of course men will get sexist comments from time to time, and they may get some straight anti-men ones too, but like others I think most of the interactions are versions of the shit that new mums get too. I think that men can find it very upsetting to be treated in the way that women often are.

Totally agree with the poster who said, "It would be sexist if this only happened to fathers. It doesn't"

I'd go as far as saying that the population thinks it's ok to give unwanted advice on looking after babies because it's mostly women who do it. If it was a male-dominated area of work, our culture would probably treat raising children very differently and be less quick to criticise.

"It's hard to imagine a woman in the same situation being offered an idiot's guide to parenting or being asked to hand over her child to a total stranger."
Ha! My favourite was being in a post office told off by half the queue because my 4 month old didnt have a hat on - she was in a sling under my jacket & were both really warm in the PO as we were dressed for the outdoors. Her hat was in my pocket.

Waitress was homophobic which is obviously shite.

I am against buying babies via surrogacy.

11th rule of misogyny: Whatever women suffer from, it is worse when it happens to men.

Nothing new here. My Mum used to have old ladies come up and put me on my back in my pram (or on my front. Whichever was seen as 'correct' at the time).

Can you imagine how lovely it would be to get to his age before you experienced sexism!

And that the BBC would give enough of a shit to give you an article.

honestly it just sounds like "wah ! wah! wah! so this is what it is really like for parents, and I don't like it".

Another one who wonders whose womb he rented. Someone from the 'third world' perhaps?

Womb rented in the US CaitlynsCat

Entitled arrogance home grown