BBC article on sahd

[MIdgebabe]

I found this interesting
www.bbc.co.uk/news/stories-44718727

I wasn't convinced all the examples were sexism , but some clearly were. I particularly liked their patriarchy comment near the end.

‘It's hard to imagine a woman in the same situation being offered an idiot's guide to parenting or being asked to hand over her child to a total stranger.’

Ha ha! I can see why he’s reading that as sexism but TBH it demonstrates that he actually doesn’t know what women experience in baby groups....

He also hasn’t noticed that other parents would leave the shared space (eg the restaurant) and return only when they baby’s behaviou met the rules for fhat space. Having said that the waitress’s statement was vair sexist.

Not all parents TBF

I’m sounding like I don’t believe he’s experienced a complicated mix of homophobia and sexism, I don’t mean to! I’m sure he has because homophobia is rooted in sexism IMO.

Just that one comment made me laugh because this condescending, heirarchical behaviour is infamous in baby groups and so is strangers feeling they should offer unsolicited critique of parenting every time you are in public.

The waitress comment is ridiculous but other than that the article is a load of shit in my opinion.

I'm a dad and me and my partner (female) share time looking after our DS by both working part time. I'm pretty sure women are far more likely to be the 'beneficiaries' of unsolicited parenting advice then men.

What's "hard to imagine" for him is a common occurrence for loads of mothers. But when it happens to a man it offends our sense of entitlement.

Typical! A man complains about sexism and it's a bloody article. Women complain for 100years+ and we still get told it's all in our head, we shouldnt be so sensitive and "calm down dear"

Woman bottle feeds -> you should be breast feeding
Woman pushes buggy near to road -> bloody women drivers
Woman's baby misbehaves or is noisy in public -> bad parenting, typical single mum, etc

To be fair if you’re in a calm quiet class and your baby is screaming and screaming with snot bubbles it’s polite to take them out until they’re calmed down.

The baby was clearly disrupting the whole class and people were desperate to help so they could finally enjoy the class they’d paid for.

I agree offred
Mum's are critical of each other all the time

Welcome to our world - I have experienced all this, along with negative comments about breastfeeding. This isn't sexism (other than the waitresses comment, which is absurd), this is the world of parenting - unsolicited advice, babygroup politics and alienation.

Why do they think so many mothers suffer from PND - this has nothing to do with sexism.

My own DH was a SAHD and could have written an article. Constantly given messages to pass onto me at doctors, school etc. Officials ignoring the fact that he was the 1st named contact and calling me at work miles away.
You see it on the boards here though. The DH or DP is helping out or baby sitting... Not actually fully parenting.

I have a friend who is a SAHD and that article sounds like his idea of heaven (he loves the attention )

Well, IMO re those particular things (baby groups, unsolicited critique) it does have a LOT to do with sexism, just not in the way he thinks...

Two elements IMO;

1. Caring for children is low status work. It is unvalued and people doing it are treated as needing instruction from the ‘better people’.

1. People doing this low status work feel the need to defend themselves against this attributed low status by creating a hierarchy where there are some ‘good ones’ and some ‘bad ones’. They do this using small acts of unkindness.

I agree with the whole "Mum and baby" thing though. Drives me bananas. Even local FB groups are "[Location] Mums". Apart from that and the ridiculous comment by the waitress I'd say his experiences are very pretty much par for the course for new parents.

The foundation is basically that caring is women’s work which is ‘low status’ because women are ‘low status’ and women are ‘low status’ because they do ‘low status’ work.... The trap...

Actually that article rubs me up the wrong way. I’ve done the sahd thing with a baby. Yeah the baby/toddler groups are very female heavy, but I’ve not once experienced the unsolicited advice or ostracism he’s describing.

There aren’t as many of course, but there are increasingly more and more Dad and baby groups of various kinds if you look around. I also don’t like notion that men are hovering and waiting in the wings ready to embrace fatherhood the moment society starts to bestow adulation and adoration. You parent because you love your child not to put on a performance. Besides he self detonated his own argument as he asserted his own expectation that he’d experience homophobia and not sexism. So if the sexism is invisible until you become a father, how can it influence your decision to embrace it?

My DH did five years of SAHD. His experience was that he was flattered, lauded, petted, complimented.

Someone I know's ex-husband took their baby to a job interview because they had shared care and it was his day. He got the job. Imagine that happening to a woman.

When do men ever get asked who's looking after their children?

When do women ever get asked "Giving him a day off are you?"

I lost count the number of times a woman (and it was always a woman) asked me if I was giving my wife a day off when I was out with my two little daughters.

It is really funny that he views the constant stream of childrearing advice which women always get as something that women never get and was solely directed at him. Men have no idea about the daily experiences of women.