MN's Fantasy Woman Fest!

[WichBitchHarpyTerfThatsMe]

So, in light of the dreadful Woman Fest talked about on here recently I've been thinking what our fantasy version of a woman fest might involve. I have a few ideas to start off with:

There will be absolutely no cooking or food preparation done by participants. Free take away will be available for all.

No-one is allowed to ask any women 'where's my...?'

Toilet seats (not lids) will be permanently in the downward position. Anyone breaching this will be given automatic toilet cleaning duties.

Body hair will be celebrated not shamed. Extra take away will be awarded to women whose winter pelt is sturdy enough to plait and bead.

Head hair swishing will be met with loud tutting.

A silent disco will be held for those wishing to sway and chant to the sounds of BBC radio podcasts or Erasure dance tracks.

Knitting and sighing at the same time will be dealt with by severe eye rolling by observers.

A man friday stall will be handing out free swim caps, beards and mankinis.

Tea, coffee, gin and chocolate fountains will be placed generously around the site.

Team Sportacus workshops will be available to provide technical and tactical advice for all those wishing participate in spofs events.

I may be back later with some more but please feel free to add to this list.

Lots and lots of huge comfy four poster beds with wafting curtains in the middle of the field, piles of books, and permission to laze about in them all day long, no guilt. It's going to be a guilt-free zone, right?

And guaranteed glorious weather, maybe a bit of rain overnight, but blue skies and sunshine.

But not too hot, please. All I do in hot weather is sweat and grumble. Or if there could be a special breezy/shady section, that would be OK. And airconditioned pods with ensuite for the non-campers.

And all bouncy castles will be risk-assessed and safely tethered.

I have been looking around for a new GP surgery. It would appear that any joined up women's health is a rarity. So I think it would be a good idea to have a tent with some women's health experts that can join maternity, childbirth, repairs, prolapses, menopause and the myriad of other related issues and have a few talks.

Gussie Grips would be good for some comedy, and there are the likes of Professor Lumsden and Heather Currie who put together the NICE guidelines on menopause. It would be good for women to leave with a good idea of their own workings and what to do about it and where to go when they need a bit of help.

Also, having looked at one of the threads in chat, I think Emma from the Large Labia project would be a good speaker.

yesitsa no. (I assume you're referring to protected characteristic? I googled it now, it was in the equality act, 2010. But I don't get why if sex is a protected characteristic, changing rooms cannot remain female only, and refuges can't insist legally on female only staff (see endless MN threads passim))

op can I ask why

Head hair swishing will be met with loud tutting.

lol

we shall play Sheela na gig musical statues Cackle. Don't let anyone say we can't make our own entertainment.

masseurs on standby With a huge selection of aroma therapy oils, and those hot rocks.

Exceptionally comfy hammocks for all, in the shade, near the mocktail bar, and proper toilets and showers with fluffy towels, vases of fresh flowers, and pot pourri , not those nasty porta potti stinkers.

I was a bit puzzled by the swish tutting. Is mane tossing ok?

Tutting at hair swishing is in there because it's such an affect. It's Just 17 magazine's version of how to be a sexy female and adopted by people trying to mimic sexy, it's false and makes me cringe.

Tossing one's mane however, especially when laughing one's norks off, is an entirely natural behaviour imho!

I'm beginning to think that bouncy castle activity should become part of the bra fitting service. I can't tell you how many bras have fit me perfectly in the shop only to move about and become uncomfortable within a few hours of moving around in them. I think we might have come across a Dragon's Den idea with this!

I also have a lovely woman friend who is an excellent massage therapist and another who is a wonderful acupuncturist. I'll give them a call!

Could we have some reflexology practitioners too, please?

Will we be judged for belly laughs. Proper ones, with the head thrown back and tonsils showing?

I am not coming unless there is a tent playing non stop DISCO, a bar serving unlimited Dark&Stormies with an endless supply of Prawn Cocktail Pringles...and enough toilets so there is never a queue!

is just 17 still a thing lol

Stealth, I posted a sheela na gig on our bodies ourselves earlier. :)
Great Minds

Will we be judged for belly laughs. Proper ones, with the head thrown back and tonsils showing?

Only in the sense that there might be prizes.

There won't be Marmite, will there? Could we have a tent for Marmite cold turkey-ers?

Kayaking & Stand-Up-Paddle boarding on the beautiful lake please! Plus loads of art everywhere (made by women obvs).
Somewhere where you can go smash things... preferably plates and crockery that need washing up. But yes, any kind of smashing is good.

Who is it who likes a weird weetabix thing? They can have their own annex off the marmite tent

Upstart, Errol all natural responses to things, as opposed to unnatural affective and fake behaviours, will be awarded with gift of a kitten/bottle of gin/tube of prawn cocktail pringles/free massage .... [add a gift of your choice].

I really really really want my Woman Fest to be about natural rather than fake. We are going to have a lot of fun and do what we want to do rather than what people expect us to do.

Oh I so wish it were possible to organise such an event, we'd have an absolute hoot!

Kayaking & Stand-Up-Paddle boarding on the beautiful lake please!

Oh yes. And any other small craft for indulging our inner Ratty.

We need to find something that Lang can eat with the rest of us so she's not spending all her meals in the WeetabixBananaHorror exile tent of shame.

Who is it who likes a weird weetabix thing? They can have their own annex off the marmite tent

Meanie! Will nobody think of the poor (most) oppressed Marmite-Weetabix minority?

Who is it who likes a weird weetabix thing? They can have their own annex off the marmite tent

Et tu, AAK, et tu?

Fuckity fuck. Fucked up the fucking copy fucking pasting.