Too confident

[Floorplan]

I got too confident by half. I shared my thoughts with my second best friend. She reacted pretty badly. We're currently exchanging texts with attached videos/articles which I am engaging with but she isn't. She says she'll wait till she caneeds talk with her LGBTQ friends

My best friend by contrast peak transed immediately. I obviously didn't think this one through. Interestingly both are single bisexuals. Neither has kids.

Don't be too disheartened you are sharing your truth sometimes that's all you can do. You can only give the facts if people can't see at least they may think at the next controversy.

Thanks newspeak. She's a really good friend and this is the first major tiff.

It took me ages to ‘get it’.

I related everything I half-heard to my T friends and refused to engage further.

Eventually I realised my T friends are just as in danger from TRA as women are. They even have a derogatory name of their own, in TRA speak, ‘Truscum’

Floorplan don't be disheartened. I've tried to talk to one of my closest gay male friends about this a couple of times in the last year. We've been close mates for 29 years and been through hell and high water together. He thinks I'm a bigot.

It hurts me that he could be so dismissive of my views because he usually sees me as a wise and compassionate woman who he can turn to for help and support when things are tough for him. He also knows that I am passionate about justice and tolerance.

I've stopped trying to talk with him about it for the time being.

I think it's his natural defensiveness in wanting to protect and defend his 'tribe'. He's not really involved in the gay social scene much so he's not exposed to what is going on in groups and clubs.

His response has hurt me but I'm biding my time with him. I believe he'll open his eyes and thoughts eventually.

Floorplan don't forget that those you talk are probably being confronted with the concerns and ssues for the first time when you talk to them.

You may have been rehearsing the conversation for many weeks and months, starting to see the challenges and the issues, and understanding the issues from some awesome people (maybe on here, but I'm assuming?) who have been talking about this for ages.

I've had the same experience, talking to friends who I admire and who are critical thinkers but, when I've asked them " can people really change their biological sex" they've ummed and ahhed at first.

My intuition is that many people haven't given this mind space. For very good reasons, they've conflated the 'T' with the 'LGB' and noone wants to go backwards with the LGB stuff. (Actually, it's not just intuition, several have said "I've never really thought about it" before)

But the 'T' is sooo different. Give them time, space for reflection and thought and you may well see the same thought processes happen that you've gone through too.

Thanks everyone for your help. I think I need to be very considered in future. My friend is really left wing like me, we both went to the first Momentum meeting in our town. Now I've left Labour. I didn't see this coming. How can she sell women, kids, lesbians and transexuals down the river like this. My sister told me to shut up the other day too. In front of her new lodger. And she's so left wing her face was plastered across the Sun's front page on the day after the poll tax riots. WTF.

Yes, I think it's hard to remember what it was like to encounter this for the first time.

My experience of trans people was fairly flamboyant people on the gay scene, the odd much older transsexual here and there in shops and a boyfriend who was a secret crossdresser who used to come shopping with me and pretend to be buying clothes for his 'sister'.

Didn't bother me at all and I was as happy to stand for trans rights as anyone else's. But then my daughter discovered YouTube videos, and I heard about the 'cotton ceiling' and gradually fell down a rabbit hole of "WTF is going on here?"

So, sure, you may have lost a friend. But then again, you may have simply been the white rabbit leading her to wonderland...

Thanks again, I can see that others have close friends who are also not ready to engage.

It's actually quite a leap isn't it, like going from KS1 to KS3 in one giant leap. Too much to ask.

Looking back, I took a long time, but with me I kept thinking why do I keep hearing about transexuals? I never used to. It was an issue I found very interesting and would watch documentaries about it from teenage years (TV fan ), and was totally understanding and pro-transexuals.

Then when I finally looked into the matter I had what I call rapid onset peak trans and haven't looked back.

Try sending her a link to the Economist series of articles this week, and the Len Mcluskey tweet with the letter. Then I would leave it. Emphasise that you fully support the right of people to live however they wish as long as they don't impose on others rights.

You may just have different opinions but at least you discussed it.