My six year old daughter has just told me her baby sister can't be a 'boss baby' because all bosses are boys

[weekfour]

We’ve just had a chat at bed time, after watching Boss Baby, the animated movie. We talked about the funny bits and about how the siblings love each other and then we had a laugh about how her younger sister is the boss** baby. She looked at me so sincerely and said..

but she can’t be the boss baby can she? She’s a girl. All bosses are boys.

We’re a feminist household. Both me and her father work. We have THE SAME JOB! Her favourite book is one that we got from The People’s History Museum about feminist heros! She enjoys ballet and cricket and reading and running and would never expect a boy at school to be any better at anything than she is. We model equality and have a wide circle of friends from lots of different backgrounds. Off the top of my head, we know nearly as many women ‘bosses’ as men.

But it’s still there. Is this where the pay gap starts? With the expectations of six year olds? What do I do? How do I stop it? Where does it come from?

And then you dare to claim omen as a class are not subjugated

Women aren't subjugated in the UK. It's a fallacy. Blaming the "patriarchy" gives you a convenient scapegoat for your own shortcomings/lifestyle choices.

Because you think a man's opinion is always valid and worth hearing

It's a free country, a can express my opinion. Don't try and subjugate me.

I was talking about the supposed patriarchy not the violence perpetrated by men on women.

And what sort of beliefs and attitudes about women underlie violence against women? Patriarchal ones, for the most part.

Everyone can express their opinion. It just so happens that your opinion in this instance was not worth hearing as you know nothing about either what you're talking about or what we were meant to to be talking about.

Blundering in and mansplaining why women are wrong offering an opinion that has nothing to do with the topic, and is an ill thought through and unsubstantiated one at that, is just rude.

The fact that you believe you are entitled to do so speaks volumes.

Pointing out that you're opinion has no place in the discussion because it is off topic and does nothing to further the OP's ability to act on her problem is not subjugating you - it is simply expecting you to treat other people's conversations with respect and courtesy.

The fact that you believe being told to treat women's conversations with respect and courtesy is the same as 'subjugating' you speaks volumes.

And yes I know you were trying to be funny ... you failed.

I was talking about the supposed patriarchy not the violence perpetrated by men on women.

Genuinely LOLed at this gem. The idiocy.

WhyDidIEatThat

No a few years ago now I think about it - 10 years ago - however, the school is in a very wealthy "white sliced bread" suburb and the school was private so very, very patriarchal views - which is what I find generally in Aus as I visit regularly

If that's the case then why did she come to the conclusion she did?

I smell bollocks.

You should probably give them a wash then mate.

Op: it's eveywhere. We do the same in our house and they come up with utter crap. You just have to keep picking at it, because for every time you say "Jenna is the boss of XYZ" there is another mother or father of another child in your class saying "Johnny is just such a boy, always messy, always in charge". Or "I wish I had girls, they're so good aren't they".

I hear at least one thing that makes my eyes pop out of my head at every play group. Teachers come out with loads of crap themselves too unfortunately. They see the outcomes of socialisation and the hard of thinking will say it's because "boys will boys" and not 'this is the result of me saying boys will boys'

You should probably give them a wash then mate.

@A4710Rider You can't see subjugation and the patriarchy. Well that must mean it doesn't exist then. If men can't see it, we must be making it up for shits and giggles.

OP, I would be concerned, but not too worried. At this age, they will say and regurgitate all sorts of things, but it won't be until later that they sort them all out in their head and form an idea of themselves and the world. Gently challenge. Strongly model and your child will come to understand things in their own way.

Subjugation starts in fetu, that's why female fetus are discarded in some parts of the world. Because they are the future girls and women that are second class citizens in most parts of the world.

It starts early, at school at home in books that we read and female are always on the background rather than the protagonists. My child was told in front of their dad that mum was not able to take them to school because I have to stay at home! When it was obvious I was the breadwinner at that moment in time!
Honestly! It's so difficult to scape the Trick. I've caught myself saying stuff like that!

Keep fighting it, the alternative is worst!

Not much point debating with our MRA to be fair - we're not going to convince him.

Wonder how many times he's been asked 'who's looking after the kids then?' when he's at work? Compared to how many times his ExP is asked the same?

That was my kick in the teeth - and still is as happens very, very frequently.

Yeah, no subjugation at all. That’s why all the parents I know take 50/50 parental leave.... oh.

Oh, all the child carers are women? That’s so unintentionally ironic I’m actually embarrassed for you.

When I was a kid I was convinced that you had to be married to have a baby, even though my own stepbrother was born unmarried parents. Kids have strange ideas about the world, as a parent I’m amazed this is a shock to you.

Hi all,
It seems like A4710Rider didn't like it here and has deregged. You will all have to carry on without his pearls of wisdom now. Good luck.

They get it from newspapers, TV, radio, films, billboard ads, books, music, social media, the internet, school, friends, other kids parents, other people etc. It's insidious.

See I'm just thinking that she's seen the film 'Boss Baby' and is just referring to the boss baby in that who is a boy.

She'll soon catch on.

Frankly, I'm impressed Amany numbers had the grace to realise he was outwitted and slink off quietly. Not many MRAs can recognise when they're beaten. He was indeed, a rare pearl. Adieu, dear MrRider I shall remember your goady fuckery fondly.

I was sitting in an office with my colleague (male) when someone we both vaguely knew but not well walked in. She assumed he was my boss. In fairness he put her straight immediately and politely.

It could also, just possibly be, that 6 year olds make mistakes all the time, and this one is being interpreted as significant because it's a touchy subject? I know a little girl who asserted that hawks are the most important animal, and she was very sure she knew this as a fact. As far as we could tell, no one had insidiously taught her this with an agenda, she had just dreamt it up by herself. No one worried where the idea came from, they just suggested most people might not agree and moved on.
I also remember myself, as a small child, asserting that allen with beards were 'baddies' at a similar age. It was pointed out to me that I'd got the wrong Impression, perhaps from cartoons, and not mentioned further.

This could easily be the same, couldn't it? A little girl has been a bit too quick to work out a 'rule', that all bosses are male, because the first few she thought of were, and nothing more??

I still remember the time my kid, aged six, told me women couldn't be doctors and men couldn't be nurses. We were stunned into silence for a bit because we are such a ridiculously feminist family's setting.

It's truly depressing how string the gender role message should still are at primary level. I do put some of the blame for that on outdated reading stock in school libraries. They haven't the funds to replace older texts with horrendously sexist crap in them, and the kids still need to learn to read.

It's not so much a 'touchy' subject though as it is part of a much wider picture of women struggling to be taken seriously/ treated equally/ have their rights protected.
A little girl who thinking that hawks are the most important animal is not damaging herself - or even animals - in any way.
A little girl believing that all girls including herself can never be the boss because of her sex - and that boys are the natural bosses of the world is giving herself a very limiting and damaging mindset. And the way older children and adults carry on with the mindless stereotyping, and reductive beliefs, shows that in many circumstances this is not just a phase she's going through - but a life lesson she has learned and may stick with to her own detriment. It is up to the OP to make sure that she corrects that thinking. The amount of sexism still rife in society today tells us it will not naturally correct itself.

Some subjects are just more important than others. Beliefs in women's status as lesser - even in just a professional context - is far more important, and problematic than a childish belief in a hierarchy of animals, or that villains have beards (though I'm sure many bearded men could tell us that pogonophobia is a real issue).

No one believes she has been taught this on purpose by a sinister and shadowy figure attempting to oppress women. Children pick up all sorts of crazy ideas - often counter intuitive to their own life experiences. The point is that this is a problem that needs dealing with - unlike other examples of childish misunderstandings.
And realising your daughter has somehow come to the conclusion that she can't ever achieve x on the grounds of her sex is surely heartbreaking for any mother to learn?

Unless your daughter has come to the realisation that she can't pee standing up... which probably comes as a blessed relief for the mother - especially if it took a while for her to learn that.

A friend overheard her daughter aged 6 agree with visiting kid that he'd be the doctor an she'd be the nurse because doctors are boys. Friend had actually registered her girls at an all female practice so they'd never actually met a male doctor IRL. It's scary how good small children are at picking up social cues.

Excellent post, pretzels 👏👏👏

Gosh, I hadn’t looked at this for a few days.

Funnily enough, we’ve already done the doctor/nurse scenario. DD told our (male) GP that she was going to be a nurse. He actually pointed out that she could be a doctor just like him and gave her an example of another (female) doctor in the practice. You could tell it wasn’t the first time he’d had the conversation and it made me like him even more than I already did.

It is totally insidious and it does, rightly or wrongly, concern me. Six year olds do make odd little rules in their heads but I think the circles we move in are quite switched on about it all and there’ll be plenty of challenge to the daft ideas. I don’t think all six year old girls will get the same and that does concern me.

AnotherDayAnotherName745

I hate to point out the obvious, but loads of posters here have heard the same from their children regarding bosses and female doctors etc

Until this very minute I have never heard of a child that believed hawks are the most important animal.

DO you think possibly, bearing that in mind, that there might be a pattern brewing with the first thing?

This evening DD(7) told me that she wanted to be a boy because boys are treated better than girls. She used her hands to show me

---. boys here

girls here ----

As pps have said, it's everywhere.

One the plus side, she has now heard of feminism and wants to be a feminist.