I got a man kicked out of the pub last night

[DrCorday]

I hardly ever go out. Worked myself up leading up to it but knew I’d be fine once I was out (pre meal drink and meal with a couple of friends)

We went into weatherspoons near the restaurant for a quick drink, not busy with youngsters, just couples having food etc. Friends got a table and I went to the bar to get the drinks.

Bloke came out of nowhere and pretended to fall on to me and grab my bum really hard.

I responded by calmly moving one person down the bar and turned back to him and said assertively “if you touch 1cm of my body again, I will physically throw you out that fuckin’ door” loud enough for everyone to hear (his friends too).

He mumbled something about “I didn’t do anything” with a smirk.

The bar tender was brilliant. Asked if I was ok, and said I shouldn’t be sexually harassed standing at a bar, that it’s not acceptable. She was fantastic, she called over the only male bar tender and they refuse to serve him and told him to leave etc (which he did)

The other guy standing waiting to queue asked if I was ok and said I should have hit him.

I just despair, I know it was “only” an arse pinch but I was so self conscious and anxious about going out and within 3 minutes this happened. I know not all men are like this but it’s shit that I had to do / say what I did.

Think I might write to spoons and thank them for the bar staffs response to it, they could have dismissed it but they didn’t.

I think you handled it like a champ, and writing to the company to thank them is a good idea.

Well done on being assertive.

Please do this:

“
Think I might write to spoons and thank them for the bar staffs response to it, they could have dismissed it but they didn’t.”

Fucker. Good on the staff for dealing with it correctly

Do write. Also link them to this thread.

Well done to the weatherspoon staff

Well done in dealing with it like you did DrCorday. Men like that are vile and the total shock and embarrassment you feel when something like that happens often leaves you too speechless to respond.

What a nasty twat he was, glad the bar staff threw him out.

Good for you, might make him think twice next time

Thank you everyone. I will write to them.

The bar staff lady was fab. She could see my hands shaking sorting out the money.

He was drunk and a wankbadger.

I work in security and also pub doors and in total fairness I would have restrained him, checked CCTV and phoned police if you wanted.

Now, been doing this many years and in total fairness woman behave worse than men and that's due to the double standard (I'll explain below!)

Main thing is you were assaulted and they took action - personally speaking kick him up the arse heel first.

(Doublestandard - woman go to chippendales and it's fun - men go to strip club and it's perverted!)

I've worked doors at these clubs and know the rules - very strict and most woman in there will defend themselves and we have to get anyone out for their own safety.

I'm also a woman before anyone says I'm being sexist - never been assaulted by a man but have been by woman who I have had charged etc

Aye, the women are always the worst.

Fuck off

The women are always the worst?
I have literally lost count of the amount of times I have been sexually assaulted in bars or clubs when in my 20s. ALWAYS by men. I have never, ever been assaulted by a woman.
Hands down my top, having my arse grabbed, hands between my legs, forced kissing etc etc.

How many men have to guard their drink in a bar or nightclub? Fuck off with women are the worst.

The women are always the worst?
I have literally lost count of the amount of times I have been sexually assaulted in bars or clubs when in my 20s. ALWAYS by men. I have never, ever been assaulted by a woman. Hands down my top, having my arse grabbed, hands between my legs, forced kissing etc etc.

Same here.

Men are worse for sexually harassing the opposite sex than women. Surely that’s backed up by criminal proceedings.

(Doublestandard - woman go to chippendales and it's fun - men go to strip club and it's perverted!)

Personally going to see The Chippendales will never be on my list of "fun" and the objection to men going to strips has nothing to do with it being "perverted".

I don't remotely condone The Chippendales - it sounds pretty grim- but even I who haven't read even baby books of beginners' feminism can understand the difference in the power dynamics between the Chippendales and their audience and a strip club audience.

OP - yes you should thank the bar staff.

The women are always the worst - really?!

I have never, drunk or sober, accidentally or purposely, sexually assaulted another person. On numerous occasions I have been groped, had my physical space invaded, been pestered and had to go into toilets or leave places due to harassment by males. I don't think my experience is unique.

I think it is different when women do it though, as there isn’t an undertone or threat to it. I was catcalled when I was much younger and better looking, which was embarrassing more than threatening. Same again if I was out dancing at a nightclub strange women would insist on sticking their butts in my crotch, which I’d rather they didn’t. I don’t know how many times my own butt has been pinched. HOWEVER if it was a man who was likely 15-20% bigger than me doing all that I would feel differently.

I also saw a random drunk much older woman go up to a teenage girl and grab her butt so is it as bad as when women do it to women? Again there isn’t the background of violence but I did feel sorry for the girl.

I think we have to build societal norms against the backdrop of violence and relative size differences. I hope you are ok OP and hope you feel you can go out again. This shouldn’t happen.

Sorry to hear what happened to you OP. Well done to the Weatherspoons staff for taking the incident seriously and dealing with it. Writing to their head office to thank them will hopefully help endorse the behaviour the bar staff took, if it isn't already a workplace policy.

gryffen This thread is about the OP's experience and not an invitation to discuss who is worse at dishing out sexual harassment.

I'm sorry this happened to you but I am heartened to hear it was taken so seriously and dealt with.

Oh shut up Gryffen.

Really, gryffen?

Surely men are (usually) bigger and more intimidating? I mean OK women can be lairy but generally they are less intimidating with it? Women can be sex pests and rapists too but look at the statistics.

Now, been doing this many years and in total fairness woman behave worse than men and that's due to the double standard (I'll explain below!)

Oh, you’re one of those women, who say women are worse like it’s a fact when every single statistic shows otherwise. I bet you think feminism has Gone Too Far as well?

Fucking well done OP!! And thank you for doing that. Things have happened to me before and I’ve never been brave enough to say anything. Except one time when I was told I was over reacting.

Please do write to Wetherspoons and thank them.

And so sorry your assault reporting has been derailed by a “women are worse” poster. I’m not sure who thinks it’s appropriate to see that someone has been assaulted and come and tell them about the people who have done worse to others. It’s an odd mindset.

Sorry that happened to you, OP.

Well done OP I am impressed with your quick reaction!

It's great spoons were supportive.

I’m really impressed with Wetherspoons for chucking him out immediately. It’s normally a case of “behave yourself mate” and then “I mean it pal, once more and you’re out” before they finally get chucked. Which is really just like saying “you can assault 3 women before you get put out”

OP You are brilliant - utterly horrible for you but WOW~! You go girl... as my DD would say. Incredibly well-handled and really delighted the bar staff supported you.

Well worth writing a letter - both to local branch and to CEO or Head office. They'll really notice and it will start (if they don't already) them recognising how powerful this sort of PR is.and how it helps their image as a "safe place for women and families"... i.e. I would tell them how you're telling all your friends about it and have already posted on Mumsnet!

I had a boyfriend who managed many bars. He always told me to speak to the bar staff about any hassle from men and they would throw them out. Bars do not want an antisocial arsehole driving their customers away. He was right. Since then, any hassle I have got, even just a persistent talker who tries to join your table, I have reported to bar staff and they have been removed.