Female competition?

[Babycakes6]

I work in a male dominated field and had my share of dealing with misogyny. After 20 years of this, I finally got some female colleagues who are 20 years younger and new graduates but still I was so happy that my industry is changing.
I tried to mentor one but she said she is fine and wanted a senior male to mentor her instead.
She asked our director to check my work, didn’t stop until she got her way and then started screaming at me saying my work is bad quality, not up to standards but she herself has never done any work! How can she give a constructive criticism if she never constructed anything. And she loves criticising me!
Why does a girl who is half my age, hates me so much? I’m shocked. She sees me as competition and imitates whatever I do. She also always checks/ wants to know what I’m working on and tries to get on the project.
Also I noticed that if I’m a friend with someone in the office she tries to compete for that person/ tries to befriend him/her. Is this bullying?
I feel like I’m back in a high school, which is just ridiculous I have a daughter who is about to start high school!
I don’t know what to do. I started looking for another job. I have never been picked on at school, I was always popular with girls and had a lot of girl-friends. I did have girls competing with me for a certain guys and my mum thought me to blame a buy so I would always let go in such a case, blaming the guy.
I’m not beautiful (I was when I was younger) or rich. I don’t have something that a younger girl would be envious of. I just don’t understand. Why would someone go so viciously after me when I was being nice and try to help her since Day 1?
I had a few female friend in the past which tried to compete but they were few and far between.
Why does she want to compete with me is beyond me. We are not alike, two totally different generations, experiences, personalities. Please help! This is so crazy!

Before you quit, go to HR or your managers and explain there is a serious problem with her conduct.

You've been unfortunate with a terrible colleague.
This woman does not represent all females so don't fall into the thinking trap of "this is what women are like to work with" as it seems you are doing.

She just sounds simply awful which is unfortunate. Don't look for another job. Can you speak to a superior?

Ignore her for the most part, don't try to be her friend or to mentor her, be civil when having to interact with her and try to do most of the communication in writing. If she starts talking about the quality of your work, say politely 'would you be able to put that in an email to me so that I have the full details'. Make a note of things she says to you but do not rise to it. You can use the emails to show HR.

Can't comment on this particular woman- some people are not nice people, whether male or female. Have no idea what her problem is but jealousy is not always the reason why people aren't nice to others. Don't be driven out by her- stand your ground.

She is crazy. As others have said, log it with HR. You might have tried to help her once but she has shown her colours so just forget that whole 'girls together' thing as she doesn't play that way. Ignore what you can, and keep an eye on protecting your projects from her ego just like you would any toxic colleague

She is so young! She could be my daughter. I am still thinking what is the best way to deal with this. Also I don’t believe in the HR to be honest. Years ago I raised a grievance with them for the misogyny and didn’t get anywhere, they would never admit it.

Try not calling her a girl.

I work in a male dominated field and had my share of dealing with misogyny.

That is what you are still dealing with.
Document everything. You might ask personnel if they have any advice for you.
Some new people think they need to be as aggressively competitive as they imagine men to be in order to get ahead. Some people think they need to choose the person they want to be and drive them out so they can take that spot.
Others are just plain bizarre.

I would like to hear this "girl's" side of what is happening.

I find your fixation on her being a "girl" and being 20 years younger than you , you being old enough to be her mother a bit odd.

What does your anecdote about your mother and girls competing for boyfriends have to do with anything in your workplace now?

"I tried to mentor one"

It sounds that you tried to become her mentor because she is a girl. If she got the same impression I am unsurprised she reacted negatively. Firstly, if she felt she was being treated differently by you because she was female she was right to run a mile, especially if she got the sense that you saw her as a girl half your age.

It is also unclear what your status was in the organisation. If she could get a more senior mentor of course that makes sense for her.

As someone else has said, I would be interested in hearing her side of this because it is possible that the impression you gave wasn't the one that you wanted.

Looks like some people didn't bother to read your post, OP.

One of the girls who is just out of school and new in the workforce was referred to as a girl a grand total of once in the op.

I was glad when more women entered the male dominated field I worked in too.
Sometimes it happens that we remind someone of a person the know and like and they treat us very well for that reason. Unfortunately we sometimes remind people of someone who made their life miserable and they treat us as though we are that person.
Short of asking the new person what her problem is with you or taking it to HR, I think it might be a good incentive for you to get a better job.

It sounds like you have been targeted but the examples you give sound curious- why would a director take any notice of her? How has she got so much leverage over your experience?

she asked our director to check my work, didn’t stop until she got her way and then started screaming at me saying my work is bad quality, not up to standards but she herself has never done any work! How can she give a constructive criticism if she never constructed anything. And she loves criticising me!

If she's screaming weren't there other witnesses? I share Lass's scepticism

And also back in 2016 you posted you had a 2-year-old child
Something doesn't seem to add up.

One of the girls who is just out of school and new in the workforce was referred to as a girl a grand total of once in the op

These "girls" are 20 years old and new graduates. The OP's post reeks of her expecting that these "girls" should look up to her.

She uses "girl" twice so perhaps read the post before making snippy comments about not reading it and is going on about this woman being young enough to be her daughter, being so young.

The OP thinks she would be a good mentor to young women entering her profession.

The tone of her post is deeply unprofessional - all that irrelevant stuff about her looks competing for boyfriends.

I think any one who thinks of young entrants to her profession as "girls" is demonstrably not mentor material.

I’m saying she is so young becuase this does feel like I’m in high school! And she is certainly behaving that way. It’s been 26 years since I’ve finished high school, I forgot how to deal with it.

Do you think it’s something to do with the director? Why is he giving her my work to check if she literally doesn’t know how to do it, she can’t come up with anything other than ‘not up to standards’. But I’ve heard her pestering him to check my project.

I am her senior and I don’t want to be the one to bully junior staff, it looks very ugly. I could take her work and find million mistakes, shame her publicly. But I don’t see the point. It will just get ugly and I belive in ‘live and let live’. I also didn’t have anyone ’giving me the eye’ since school days. It’s ridiculous.
This is highly weird as I’m not a competitive person or a person someone would envy. Sorry for calling a 23 year old female new graduate a girl. I didn’t realise that’s offensive.

If you can't talk to her without bullying her then yes, you should leave. Talking to a colleague about their work has absolutely nothing to do with shaming them.

Develop a more professional attitude and focus on the work, not ages or personalities.

Sorry for calling a 23 year old female new graduate a girl. I didn’t realise that’s offensive

It is not so much offensive as showing a very patronising attitude to young women. It undermines them as "just girls, no need to take them seriously. Would you refer to a 23 year old male graduate as a boy?.

I'm older than you by some way. I left university in 1981. Every 6 months I will be working with new graduates, men and women, of that age. It has never once occurred to me to think of any of them other than adults and to treat them as adults.

If you think I’m the problem, how do I fix it? Is there any course I can do? How did this come about? What did I do?
My work is highly technical and when she was checking my work and asking questions I realised she doesn’t have a clue but I didn’t say anything. Then she said she can’t be checking it any more as it’s a disaster and not up to standards.
I am saying that I have never had a female competing with me so aggressively and I don’t want to be a bully. And I’m thinking she might be a bully but I’m totally baffled by this, I don’t like conflict and will leave this job but from what you’re saying is that I belittled her and I’m not a mentor material? Males must be better mentors. whatever

I don't know what the structure of your industry is. Mine has a pretty formal structure in that most senior staff at all levels will be expected to provide a mentoring role to new graduates which I suppose makes it easier. In my line of work most entrants have been mentored and most will perform a mentor role.

If there is no formal structure then I think appointing yourself as a mentor is problematic, especially if in doing so you are giving out the tone of voice some posters have picked up on here. In the absence of a formal structure perhaps a more organic approach is needed.

I do agree that I should find a new job where I just do technical things and it does not include mentoring/ helping new graduates as I really don’t like conflict.
Somehow boys (or young male graduates) are more respectful to me but still it does take a lot of patience and you’re right, I’m not a mentor material, I do find it stressful and I’m amazed at how they always think they know everything.

I don't think you need to go on a course. I think the point is that unless you have been assigned to be her mentor, let her get on with it. Perhaps you come across as overbearing, perhaps she is just a cow. Nobody knows.

As for the 'girl' thing, I do try to avoid using it with adults, but I would bet a lot of money that she uses it to refer to herself. Most people under 30 seem to do and many over 30 seem to continue for quite a while. If you watch Love Island or TOWIE, you will see what I mean.

Oh and no one said males must be better mentors but if that is what you are taking from this that in itself is another reason to have a look at yourself, not her.

Have you discussed the situation with your immediate manager? Why is she checking your work at all?

Anyway I think I got my answer. I am just not a mentor type and I have to get out of this role ASAP.
I had mentors when I was younger and I was greatful they wanted to share their knowledge and time with me. I certainly did not yell at them and argue with them. I’m not enjoying this and actually feel very hurt,
not healthy at all.

Sorry for not explaining it. I am asssigned to be her technical mentor at work. But I also offered to be her official mentor at the institution to help her get chartered. It is voluntary and it requires a lot of time and energy and certain experience and certifications. It is a huge favour!

So why is she checking your work? Wht does your immediate boss say about it? What happened when you had a sit down meeting with her setting out your respective responsibilities?