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Original poster

Am I right to be annoyed by this?

47 replies

MervTheBigMooseHead · 20/06/2018 16:37

Not a hugely serious issue I suppose but it's pissed me off...

So I've just booked flights with Thomas Cook. Put my details in first, as you would, used my credit card to pay... got the confirmation email through and it's all addressed to my husband. They've listed him as the lead passenger and put my title as Mrs (I've never used Mrs, and we don't even share a surname!). I've gone (possibly irrationally?) apoplectic! I can forgive the title but addressing the correspondence to him... really?!

Husband is looking at me like I'm mad!

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ErrolTheDragon · 20/06/2018 16:46

Yes, it's completely reasonable to find this annoying. I'd be annoyed if my DH thought I was mad to be annoyed too.... this sort of assumption of male as being the default leader is all too commonplace, but how many times has he ever had something similar happen to him?

Original poster
MervTheBigMooseHead · 20/06/2018 16:52

Yes! His reaction enraged me even more! I've has several examples of this recently - just small things - but pointing it out or expressing annoyance seems to bring about confusion in people (not just DH), as though I'm making a bit deal out of nothing. It's exactly that he's never had to deal with it.. in isolation, it's a small thing but overall it adds up!

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pombal · 20/06/2018 16:54

This happens to me too for various things and it really, really annoys me.

Original poster
MervTheBigMooseHead · 20/06/2018 17:00

It's just so rude! Don't have a problem taking my money, but not able to treat me with respect as a paying customer!!

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MsSensibleWay · 20/06/2018 17:57

Yes, that is annoying. I suspect most stuff like this is down to some small setting in a database somewhere that could be easily changed if you could just speak directly to the developer!
Who do they address communications to when the people travelling are unmarried or same sex I wonder.

ErrolTheDragon · 20/06/2018 18:48

It almost certainly takes more effort - code specifically to do it - to reorder the booking by sex rather than just record the travellers in the order that the person making the booking specifies, I'd have thought.

Original poster
MervTheBigMooseHead · 20/06/2018 19:01

That’s interesting. I hadn’t really considered the ‘hows’ of it, but yes- it’s clearly a deliberate action.

I’m considering sending them an email but not sure it’ll get me anywhere!

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MinesaBottle · 20/06/2018 20:06

When we got our mortgage my DH was listed as the 'primary borrower', whatever that is, despite me earning more than him and being younger (so surely a safer bet?) Our mortgage was granted on the basis of his retirement age, not mine. We asked if we could change this but we're told 'it's difficult'.

In 2010.

AntiHop · 20/06/2018 20:08

Yanbu

Waddlelikeapenguin · 20/06/2018 20:19

Yanbu & I would be very pissed of with your DH if he doesnt understand why.

Bakingberry · 20/06/2018 20:25

OP are you sure you didn't accidentally select the wrong title when filling in the online form? It's strange that the Email isn't addressed to you though.

Yambabe · 20/06/2018 20:36

I too have had this with airlines, notably British Airways and Lufthansa.

Each time I have sent them a pithy letter explaining that when I make a booking in MY name (different to DH) with MY credit card and an email address that also contains MY name I don't expect them to just automatically swap the lead booker to DH and address everything to him

With BA it caused us some issues, I needed to make some amendments that pushed the price up slightly. They wanted me to pay with a credit card in the name of the lead booker. DH doesn't have one.

I've yet to get a satisfactory explanation from either of them.....

Original poster
MervTheBigMooseHead · 20/06/2018 20:48

Bakingberry No- it definitely wasn't that. I booked through a third party website and the return flight is with EasyJet. They got it right. The email was a generic "Dear Customer" with pdf of flight details attached. The pdf is addressed to him.

Waddle He did concede that it would be annoying but I think it's just something he probably doesn't encounter a lot so thinks it's not a big deal. If it was a one off, I probably wouldn't either but it's the fact that things like this seem to happen so often.

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Original poster
MervTheBigMooseHead · 20/06/2018 20:50

Yambabe That's so frustrating! Did they respond at all? I think I'll send that email.

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DisturblinglyOrangeScrambleEgg · 20/06/2018 20:53

YANBU to be annoyed (Barclays did it to me with my own bloody bank account when I added DP)

I've not had it with flights yet.. Just banks, estate agents, double glazing, sky, and I forget who else.

Once is a mistake, 5 times is the patriarchy!

ReliefOfChaos · 20/06/2018 20:58

Databases for banks (and I presume travel agencies as well) were made in the 1980s and haven't been updated since. They've just put some html front ends on the old Perl/FORTRAN/whatever code. So things like making the male the default are pretty much locked in until we get around to updating the banking system. We might do when there's a good reason, like maybe when decentralised clearing becomes a thing with block-chain, but a little bit of values dissonance isn't really a good enough reason to undertake a multi billion pound overhaul.

SuperDandy · 20/06/2018 21:00

Yes, I'd be v annoyed, and would write them an email, cc'd to complaints ant the CEO or customer relations exec. And if they didn't write something sensible in response I'd be onto Guardian money to give them something publicity to hang it on.

The knack with the email is to be dispassionate but clear and succinct about why it's not now, and that without a reasonable response you will take your business elsewhere and make sure to inform other people to whom this matters, so that they can do the same. Also outline what you would like the outcome to be and within what timeframe.

E.g. Rectication of your booking inc title and lead passenger setting, reissue of erroneous email, assurance of investigation into whatever tech made in it happen, and some recompense for your inconvenience in seeking to correct their error.

SuperDandy · 20/06/2018 21:00

While you're at it, write one for your dh about his woefully inadequate response too.

DisturblinglyOrangeScrambleEgg · 20/06/2018 21:06

Databases for banks (and I presume travel agencies as well) were made in the 1980s and haven't been updated since

Well, that's a gross over-simplification.... but...

We might do when there's a good reason, like maybe when decentralised clearing becomes a thing with block-chain

Hell NO. The last thing anyone needs is programmer-lawyers or lawyer programmers. Someone needs to come up with a killer reason for the cool idea which is blockchain, but I haven't seen it yet

but a little bit of values dissonance isn't really a good enough reason to undertake a multi billion pound overhaul.

Yes, yes it is. When I worked for an investment bank, I got talking to another person who told me that Barclays Capital did an audit and discovered that in the region they'd looked at, they had more servers than employees, and they didn't know what most of them were even doing.

The software development was so chaotic, that at least 3 teams were doing the same project mine was, and they'd already tried this project at least once before.

I had to leave and go back to my original industry I was so appalled.

Changing how a default is determined is miniscule in the grand scheme of things, and if you can't figure out how to change it, then I have bugger all confidence in you holding my money (honestly, I have experience of many industries - your money, in my experience is more competently handled by an online betting firm than a bank!)

LassWiADelicateAir · 20/06/2018 21:07

I'd go ballistic on this. Both the change of title and the lead passenger. I've never had this happen but they would know about it if it did.

Original poster
MervTheBigMooseHead · 20/06/2018 21:13

My poor DH is getting a right bashing Grin Should have seen that coming!

Clearly a fairly common issue then! I've had similar with a joint bank account in the past too.

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Original poster
MervTheBigMooseHead · 20/06/2018 21:17

Relief I'm ignorant of such things but would it really be such a major thing to change? Or is just that no one cares enough to do it? Surely they have to make other changes from time to time, and it can't all be so rigid?

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Iwantaunicorn · 20/06/2018 21:23

I’d be beyond furious too. I do on occasion put dh as the lead passenger, or the lead contact, so if there’s a problem he has to sort it 😂 if I put myself as the lead contact, then I expect to be the lead bloody contact!

ReliefOfChaos · 20/06/2018 21:32

Well as DisturbinglyOrange pointed out the whole thing is a bit of a shambles. I think there's not many people that can still code in Perl, and those that can manage even a simple project competently are a) like gold dust and b) likely to walk out in disgust at the chaos as DisturbinglyOrange did.

Not a coder myself, but have had a poke about a couple of banks' systems. They're a short step up from punch cards.

Original poster
MervTheBigMooseHead · 20/06/2018 21:48

Relief Disturbingly It's pretty worrying that our banks systems are so chaotic. Somehow not really surprising though. Maybe it's best to maintain a blissful level of ignorance!

SuperDandy will use your advice to formulate an email.

I really wanted to cancel the flights as soon as I got the email but it means I'd lose out. Won't use them again though. I do love a good boycott!

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