The Gender Critical Autistic Women’s Thread

[SporadicSpartacus]

I never thought i’d be starting a thread aimed at such a very specific demographic, but there do seem to be a few of us out there.

Anyway, I thought we could use this thread to talk about the interactions of being autistic and participating in the sex/gender debate.

I think it’s particularly relevant as a lot of the argument hinges on clarity (or obfuscation) of language - when many autistic people need clear and unambiguous language to be able to understand, process information and express our own points of view.

Credentials/about me: i’m 31, diagnosed with ASD (Aspergers presentation) last year, and awaiting an assessment for ADHD. I am female, bisexual and married to a man. I’m not a mother yet, although would like to be- and have found Mumsnet very welcoming regardless.

Hopefully the diagnostic pathway in Oz is a bit quicker.

I got mine done privately after 2 years on a NHS waiting list. While I’m still paying off the credit card bill, it was one of the best things I’ve done. Having a diagnosis has given me a massive amount of confidence that there’s a word for all my weird.

Bringing this over here as I didn't want to "me me me" on the site stuff thread - I wrote about relying on mn.

I really don't think anyone who is not extremely socially isolated due to the sum of many factors can understand just how much some women rely on mn. And as much as I hate to say it, I believe that the women decision makers here are among those who understand the least.

Tbh that is making me feel low more than the rule changes. It may not be instant, but over time I can adapt to new rules. Feeling that someone you hope has your back actually doesn't "get it" at all is horrible.

I don't love the sneery comments from people (posting on an online forum obv) thinking it's ridiculous to rely so much on an online forum for social contact and as somewhere to explore ideas.

Due to the way I compulsively avoid contact I doubt I will be banned but I do think it will change how often I feel able to talk about gender.

I rely hugely on online spaces for friendship and social contact. Almost all my 'real life' friends are people I have formed an initial connection with online. I'm not terribly good at real-time peopling.

Bumpity. Because it's important that people , particularly anyone with a banhammer, understand how much of a mind-fuck it can be just trying to neutrally and factually communicate while trying to also navigate the most recent language restrictions here.

I wonder if anyone from HQ will read it. Someone elsewhere just took me to task for the way I express my identity and it's horrible how much it affected me.
I try super-hard not to be a drama llama but I don't regulate emotion that well.
It feels like a weird and complicated style of bullying. People come up with a worldview that makes little sense to anyone outside a bubble. Then pick apart anything said by people outside the bubble. Most folk can dismiss it, but it bothers me. In itself and also because to me, it's connected to a societal revulsion regarding women and our bodies and realities.

I wonder if it would help to create a kind of fact sheet / master post, covering

• how autism affects people’s view around ID politics, ie rigid thinking, discomfort with complicity in untruths, our own tendency towards gender non conformity

• what we need to keep the discussion open to us

selective mutism is a big factor for me. when there's a 'rule' about what not to say/when not to talk and I don't properly understand it, I generally find it hard to talk at all as SM kicks in.

Yy. I'm even doing it now - having a really tough time in general at the mo, so spending most of my time (literally from waking to sleep) lurking on mn and reading. In silence.

(Spartacus, I will respond to your messages soon, I promise just feeling a bit overwhelmed by life atm)

It's weird, eh? Like being hypervigilant for new information that will help me not to be weirded out by this anymore - will make it make sense - will mean that I can learn how to 'be' and will reassure me somehow.

I have concerns about how I am as an autistic woman, and whether I can define myself as a lesbian woman using my own words. Haven't seen responses from MNHQ about either.

“ Michele Moore's chapter in the book on trans children she co-edited with Heather Brunskell-Evans. It is all about how the trans activist community has adopted the theories and language of the disability/autistic rights movement and misapplied them.”

Sounds interesting. Library maybe?

"Like being hypervigilant for new information that will help me not to be weirded out by this anymore"

YES! I mean - seriously - look at what my FWR page looks like; every single link is purple!

Happy Autism Prude Day all

Oh FFS. My phone hates me.

Happy Autism Pride Day!

From a proud prude

Happy pride, prudes

Is autism pride day linked into pride-pride, or is it just autism related?

It's a bit cheeky that it's in the same month, but no.
www.eveningexpress.co.uk/fp/news/local/city-event-to-promote-positive-sides-of-autism-as-part-of-national-day/ This happened local to me. Bubbles are excellent.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autistic_Pride_Day
We have a flag, apparently!

I tend to cringe at 'Autism Awareness' events which 'raise awareness' of how shite autism is, and how hard it is to look after or live with autistic people. This is turning the tables and celebrating difference, which is lovely, I think. Especially if it has flags and bubbles.

I went to an autism pride event yesterday. It was lovely.

Glad I found you all. This terrifies me. As an autistic person I can't lie, I can't say things which I know are factually incorrect and I can't switch from one line of thought to another without absolute irrefutable proof that the new way is correct and the old one wrong. I can't even use nicknames or shortened versions because to my autistic brain, that is not their name, end of. The non-autistic side of me knows that I'm being rigid and a bit ... odd. But it can't over-ride the autistic side.

Ah interesting mimpi, cause I cant use peoples names (posting names don't count for some reason). Literally, I do not call my partner by his name, nor my mum or dad, or sisters. I completely avoid it

I am not a nickname fan either. Even if someone actually prefers their nickname.

I can think of times I've shifted my thinking. A long time ago, I didn't see the harm in pornography. It was discussions on here that shifted my thinking, and they were well-evidenced. But instead of a stand-alone debate, it was the way I could see that radical feminist ideas made sense on the whole, so I was willing to try to work out how they related to pornography.
If I'd stopped shaving my armpits, and stopped reading books by men, and all the other things I did because of feminist thinking, it would have been absolutely bizarre to defend pornography.

That's one of the few times I can think of where I've changed my mind about something.
The other is Quorn.
I am now a Quorn-vegetarian. But that's not really ideological - it's habit and laziness.

I’d never even heard of autism pride. What a great idea. I used to be inclusion rep at work and ran a lot of autism events, although all the material being geared towards how difficult we are did get a bit wearing.

Beyond - me too! The thought of using my husband’s actual first name weirds me out beyond belief. I also have a bad habit of giving people nicknames that I like better than their actual name and trying to make these stick.

I’ve fairly recently changed my mind on prostitution; as a libertarian my view used to be shrug as long as everyone involved agrees to a transaction, what’s the harm. I still am reluctant to advocate banning anything, either soliciting or buying sex, but I think anyone who buys the services of a prostituted woman is beneath contempt. I work in the part of Leeds where it’s tolerated, and the harm is bloody obvious.

Can’t get behind quorn, though. It’s the texture. ;)