How do you cope with very unfeminist views in your proximity?

[Justrunwithit]

I have always been very live and let live in my views since I come from an area where conflict has been rife and so have always tried to be tolerant. But now I have an au pair (not because we are posh, or because we are exploitative, it’s a very good gig!) who is from a very narrow, patriarchal religious background and I’m finding it hard to cope. Much harder than I thought!!! E.g. her church thinks that we should all be in mourning, as they are, for the repeal of the eighth amendment in Ireland. Women are child-havers and homeschoolers, men are the head of the church and family etc. No secular education or college or anything. Against gay marriage. Basically critical thought against what the menz tell you is bad.

What gentle reading would you suggest to challenge and provoke thought? Have also asked this on the reading thread? I guess I feel like it’s not my place to say her beliefs are wrong, just as I’d be outraged if she told me mine were, but we are discussing reading quite a lot and I’d like some good but introductory books that suggest that equality and bodily autonomy can be a thing?

NB I have done a lot of Christian reading in my time and attended a heavily Christian school and have signed up to read some Christian novels so it’s not that I am just like ‘you are wrong. Here’s why.’ Although I’m sure that’s what we both secretly think!

Although she is very sweet and didn’t challenge at all my diatribe re the repeal the 8th campaign when she asked me what I thought. I only know HOW against it her church is because I looked at their website and was like #gilead

What about Red Clocks!

I have that on my shelf, it's only now that the Yes vote was passed 2 to 1 that I can bring myself to read it.

I think Jane Eyre and Rebecca are terrible choices- heroine remains in awe of and forgives criminal bullies. If you want a du Maurier My Cousin Rachel is a better choice.

You might try good young adult fiction. Frances Hardinge The Lie Tree has terrific female characters and the heroine realises by the end just exactly what her mother had to put up with from the heroine's adored (but actually vile) father. The fantasy element of the lie tree works as fantasy and allegory. There is a beautiful version illustrated by Chris Riddell.

Neil Gaiman's Neverwhere has a feisty heroine in the Lady Dor and indeed the charismatic female Hunter who betrays her.

Cold Comfort Farm is very funny and Flora Poste is delightful.

The idea of a whole pile of books is a good one, that way you're not pushing anything on her that she may not be interested in or ready for. Just give her a whole pile and let her work her way through it at her own pace based on what appeals.

What annandale said about teaching her that her opinion is important and debating is really true. I know she’s asked you, but there is still that dynamic of employee/er so you need to be careful that this isn’t hectoring in any way.

I do think that both Jane Eyre and Pride and Prejudice are worth a read or a watch (the BBC version of the latter remains a joy.) Both authors are making points about how limited women’s choices are and how society is unfair to women - so yes, Elizabeth bennet marries in the end, but the meat of it is in Austen’s scathing takedown of society before that point. The way Charlotte Lucas’ choices are constrained I’ve always thought particularly tragic. But even lady Catherine has a learning point - you could talk about how tropes like the awful matriarch is because women had so little power in society that they could only oppress their own families. There’s a lot in P and P to both enjoy and learn from I think. Ditto Jane eyre - it’s the setting as much as the end point that’s the learning point.

How about some Ursula Le Guin? Tombs of Atuan is short and disturbing. Left hand of darkness is brilliant. Anything by Octavia Butler.

"How about a novel such as The Women's Room by Marilyn French?
The Red Tent.
Or Mary Beard - Women and Power."
I was going to suggest these three!

On a more general point- I find that now I am in the Crone zone, I have far fewer inhibitions about speaking out for women. I have nothing to lose-I no longer have to be diplomatic for work related reasons, my children are too old to be embarrassed, I know who my friends are and I don't need any more- so I think it is partly my responsibility to take the flak.

The idea of a whole pile of books is a good one, that way you're not pushing anything on her that she may not be interested in or ready for. Just give her a whole pile and let her work her way through it at her own pace based on what appeals.

Yes, I agree with AAK and others who have suggested this.

If you have some, try some historical biographies that she might find interesting - in those, the subtle explanations of how women in history managed to gain influence and respect might get her thinking without being too didactic? Someone like Alison Weir?

I thought of those because they seem a more gentle introduction to someone from a religious background.

I found a download for The Red Tent, (and this site has other women's books as well including Backlash);
oceanofpdf.com/pdf-epub-the-red-tent-download/

How about watching Rachel Parris’s A Girl’s Guide to TV together?

Justrunwithit
it is really hard clinging to this pedestal I tell you
i have faith in you

I'd second Jane Eyre, because Jane is a wonderful character - kind but also strong and principled - she won't let Mr Rochester make her into an angel, or marry St John just for convenience and because he would like a wife.

Also, I think if anything that your personal example and family dynamic would be more of an influence than anything else. If she comes from a Christian patriarchy background, she won't be used to anyone caring what she thinks about things (because it doesn't matter, because she's a woman), so you (and DP if there is one) taking an interest in her thoughts - not necessarily on controversial topics - might make a lot of difference. See what music she likes? She also might have been told that feminism makes women hate their children - you can show her that's not true! I think in this situation love will work better than conflict...