In despair

[Kettlepotblack]

Ladies, I'm feeling so down about these proposed changes to the GRA and the whole trans rhetoric. I really feel in utter despair.

I do feel angry too and I hope this anger can be channeled into doing whatever it takes to safeguard and protect our spaces, for our fellow women, daughters and generations to come - but God I feel so low about it all. Especially reading about this disgusting tampon fetish, now that new article about the amount of male prisoners convicted of sexual crimes when been moved into women's prisons.

Is this normal? Did anyone else feel quite depressed about this before the anger and injustice really got going? How long did it last before it became productive?

We will win this won't we?

The tampon fetish is nothing. It's a vanishingly small number of people. I wouldn't spend any energy on it.

Think about women's sports, women's prisons, equal representation of women in parliament.....

I think we will win this, yes.

I sympathise.

For me, the worst bit is the messing with reality that the whole ideology promotes. People being entirely comfortable to refer to men as women, and comfortable that ‘woman’ now has no meaningful definition. It gives me the existential heebie jeebies.

Talking to other likeminded people helps me, as does any activism that I do. I need to take regular breaks because I find it so crazy making but feeling like I am doing something to counter it is the best thing for my mental health.

I think the despair is normal when we think that it's one battle. When you realise its a constant ongoing battle you'll dig in and get on with it.

Even if they win this time, we won't stop fighting for the rights of women and girls. We can carry on challenging male privilege and exposing how it harms women.
If they win this time it will play out in a predictable way, and we can start the fight for basic rights for women all over again, from scratch if we need to.

Even if they win this time, we won't stop fighting for the rights of women and girls.

Well, quite. And even if they do manage to erase the definition of the word woman, the class of people formerly known as woman will still exist. It will still be us. And they still won't be in it. All the narcissistic rage in the world won't change that.

Thanks.

Speaking to all you likeminded people really does help. You ladies are bloody fabulous.

I think the tampon fetish was just the straw that broke the camels back really. The fucking disgusting fetishes some have doesn't surprise me, I've been around the block, but just putting into this mix has sent me over the edge. The principle of preserving women's spaces is enough for me. Take away the danger element. Take away the discomfort and embarrassment even if there is no physical danger as such. It should be enough. But add to that the risk of sexual violence and creeps rifling through bins for used tampons? It was enough to tile me before, and now this...

I'll do whatever it takes.

Rile not Tile

I go through phases like that too. The only thing I’ve found that helps is to be actively involved in trying to change it. I felt more despair when I felt I was shouting into the wind and nobody was listening. So I started volunteering to do things, and I feel a bit less upset. At least my emotion has direction now.

To be fair, I very much doubt whether most transwomen get off on sticking used tampons up their arses. And if they did, so what? I don't want mine back.
It also doesn't bother me that some men (including a close friend) want to be considered to be women. I don't believe what they believe, but I don't get to tell other people what to think and how to live.
What REALLY bothers me, though, is a bunch of latter-day Inquisitors plugging a doctrine and threatening women who disagree with them. I know other people come at this from a different angle, but - I'm born contrary. If someone says to me, "Shut up, woman", it makes me feel that I will fight with every last speaking breath in my weak and feeble body to be able not to shut up.

The tampon fetish is nothing. It's a vanishingly small number of people. I wouldn't spend any energy on it

I, for one, am relieved now that ReluctantCamper has mansplained it to me.

OP - I have felt utter despair over this in the last few months. The whole thing had been an emotional rollercoaster. It is horrifying what has been going on but how fantastic is it that women in this country are putting up such a fight! I think the tide is turning each week there seems to be more media coverage and the debate is happening no matter how much they try to shut it down. Each week more and more people reach peaktrans. If it's possible for you to meet up with other local likeminded people I would highly recommend it, this has been a massive help to me (as well as mumsnet of course )

Its worth reading comments under recent articles:

Daily Mail:
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5798945/Trans-women-convicted-men-attack-vulnerable-inmates.html#comments
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5796701/Hampstead-ponds-row-continues-transgender-demands-going-far.html

Guardian:
www.theguardian.com/education/2018/may/15/transgender-row-teachers-afraid-challenge-breast-binding#comment

& also this week there was an interesting and respectful discussion:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3265312-Venices-interview-with-Geordie-transwomen-Now-thats-what-I-call-a-talk-show

I was feeling a little disheartened but all of a sudden the pendulum has begun to swing in our favour. While I am still worried, I'm a lot more hopeful now.

technically I guess it would be vulvasplaining TerfsUp

www.thetimes.co.uk/article/trans-activist-bullies-stop-donations-for-schoolchildren-cgj29rcdl?shareToken=89f6bc2911e2fee5d61d7329e8f44d38

Times reporting of TRAs shutting down the Transgender Trend Crowdfunding page.

Many many people now understand and can see the impact on women. Look at the difference in the discussion in the media now. Yes we will win this.

Agree with ReluctantCamper...

People being entirely comfortable to refer to men as women, and comfortable that ‘woman’ now has no meaningful definition. It gives me the existential heebie jeebies.

So much this Lemonjello

I find it to be a rollercoaster ride, sometimes feeling more positive other times it's full on despair but tbh in the four or so years since I peaked it's stillmost of the time, however I'm a cynical pessimistic so that might explain it...

As pps have said it helps to take action, however insignificant it might seem and finding like minded people to discuss it with helps an awful lot too - that's really important I think.

OP - I totally understand.... I feel the same and as if I am living in a bizarre SF fiction - which I would NOT believe was possible if I read about it in a novel.

I do however think we can win - and each of us can play a part: Reading recent articles in the Daily Mail which are SO CLEAR AND SO GOOD has made me more optimistic. It is no longer legislation that is creeping through under cover of darkness - I am confident it is not what the majority of the population want and once they realise it's potential to damage their own friends and families, that we can stop it in its tracks.

I fluctuate between doing stuff - and we all can - and being in despair or just exhausted by it - Having "time out" from these boards feels important to reconnect with other things in life and then come back refreshed and ready to take up arms again.

I do think we are in a battle, and that we will feel proud to have fought it with clarity, generosity and persistence - and that we will get there....

Everyone of us can:

• Meet our MP (and there is magnificent advice on these boards about how to approach them)
• Peaktrans friends... sharing what is most relevant to them... no one I have talked to knows what is going on and once they do, they are truly shocked
• Post comments under articles like the Daily Mail and others
• Support each other - Mumsnet is amazing to be giving us this space (and it is truly horrific that that comment is true, rather than taken for granted)

And some of us can enlist the media and explore what they might cover and how....

Courage - we will get there! Women and girls are too important to not fight this with every ounce of our being - and with every ounce of our ingenuity, working out what and how might work. Man Friday and WomanWednesday are brilliant - other approaches will emerge.

As the articles above are showing, WPUK, Fairplay4Women, Transgender Trend and ManFriday are not Nazi, transphobic, hate groups intent on denying the existance of people who are transgender.

This week discussions have been held on Jeremy Vine, LBC, Radio 4, BBC1 & The Wright Stuff.

I read somewhere that the UK is being viewed as a test case for this, I know that's not quite the right term as other countries have already enacted this. If it's passed quietly here then the rest will just follow.

So I take heart in the fight we are putting up and the spirit we are showing. It is beginning to get out there now so it won't get passed into law because nobody knows about it.

OP thank you so much for this new thread. I literally just 5 min ago started ranting on another thread about how I can't take the cognitive dissonance any more.

Malta has adopted 'ground breaking' Self Id laws

tgeu.org/malta-adopts-ground-breaking-trans-intersex-law/

But wait! Abortion is totally illegal.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abortion_in_Malta

Hi Kettle, I get the same way too. I find it helps to take a break from MN/Twitter/wherever you get your 'latest gender identity bollocks' news from. I agree too with posters who say that activism helps. I'm an intensely private person and don't join groups or organisations, but I am going to try to find gender critical women to meet up with. To feel like we are doing something will help relieve the helplessness & despair.

I went through this too. First stage was disbelief that this had been happening under my nose and I had no idea of it. Then despair and being quite upset when the realization of quite how much some men hate us sunk in. Then the anger came, and there has not been another stage after that. So far.

Been though this too. You need like minded people to talk to (rant at!) in real life.
I've peak transed my work colleague ; he's now GC and following the debate closely.
I started a notebook where I'm writing ideas because I'm thinking about which organisations I can write to. I also read the GRA and next will be the Equality Act.
If you do things you may feel better