Overheard conversation today

[theSFclub]

I overheard a conversation today whilst eating outside of a cafe, a group of bikers had pulled up outside and were also eating and chatting. I overheard a conversation at the table next to me which consisted of the men discussing the weights and size of their partners, one man said 'yeah, my Mrs had a baby 4 years ago and she's fat now but I can't say anything because I'm fat myself, she lets me come out and ride whenever I want though. I was . Is there something about the culture of men when they all get together? Is this really the kind of conversations that they are having behind our backs? They weren't particularly young either, all were at least Middle Aged.

So he thinks his wife has gained weight,he accepts he's put on weight too,and he's happy that she doesn't complain about his cycling - is that it?
Not sure I see the problem here?

I work with a group of women and similar conversations are had about their husbands, boyfriends etc.

That sounds pretty mild tbh

All sounds perfectly normal. He’s fat too. Freely admitted it. And he hasn’t had a baby. Doesn’t sound judgemental - just honest.

I’m fat. Dh is fat. He hasn’t got a bike.

I think it was him publicly describing his wife as fat that shocked me. If my husband des rubbed me as fat to his friends then I wouldn't be impressed. It implied to me that he's not going to complain about her being fat because she lets him do what he wants.

Described me.

Assuming he means riding a bike, I think you’re fine. If he was in Ireland I might be www.dailyedge.ie/irish-slang-5-2578007-Feb2016/

I have said very similar about myself and DH.

c75 7 of those in regular use in Merseyside!

Yeah, it’s not kind but it does just sound like gossip.... the only thing that annoys me is ‘she lets me...’ which men seem to say a LOT even though it has no bearing on reality...

I don't think this is really an issue, doesn't sound like that bigger deal.

However I know some men can behave very badly when it's just boys. I am shocked at what dh tells me his friends do and say when they're on boys nights. Men who I thought were kind faithfull loving husbands.

I've heard way worse. I've had men slag their partners weight off to me in all kinds of horrible ways.

Sounds like a lot of the conversations you get on feminist sites, like here, don't you think.

Gossip is never nice. Its not the worst ive heard..i think its quite mild. Ive heard women commebt that their DH has a pot belly, lost hair etc. Usually men talk about women in more vulgar language....i blame porn.

Ha ha Vicky! Really? Today the threads have been about the Irish referendum and what happens in NI now, the managed zone in Holbeck, Magdalen berns getting assaulted, a trans group claiming the repeal the 8th campaign was transphobic etc etc have you seen much gossip?

Thanks for that, ‘Vicky’.

I think it’s the ‘lets me’ that would bother me most about that conversation. Calling his wife fat to his friends is unkind, but casting it in the light of “but I’ll put up with it because she allows me to have a hobby” seems like a pretty unpleasant dynamic for a loving relationship.

I can't really see the problem tbh. Women have exactly the same type of conversations.

Hes not going to say anything because he has the insight to see that this would be a double standard because he's podged out too. That sounds pretty reasonable.

And he's acknowledging that he appreciates that she is flexible and accommodates his hobby.

yeah okay fine maybe he could have been a bit more genteel.

I have, however, heard truly foul conversations among men about women.

Oh actually this reminds me of just last week - a man was patting my dog (he's very cute and friendly - very common occurrence for someone to pat him) - I was just making conversation and said "oh do you have a dog" and he said "just my wife" - now I think THAT is really offensive. And I'm quite pleased with myself that - even though I was actually quite shocked - I said to him "gosh, how offensive. We will not be talking to you anymore".

So - yes there are lots of foul conversations that men have about women on their own (and also that women have about men on their own...) but I don't really think this falls into that category.

Women criticise their partners behind their backs so it's unsurprising that men do the same.

Ime men dont find the word fat as loaded as women do (could it be that we are bombarded with images/propaganda all day long?) so he was making an observation about them both. The 'let's me' part would piss me off more.

A lot of you miss the point though. Fat for him, no big deal, no real judgement. Fat for her? = failure as a woman, more or less.

It is a fairly huge put-down, and backed by patriarchy.

As for women complaining about husbands - 99% of the time, totally justified. 1% are just being unreasonable! (kidding, or am I?)

Also what counts as fat for a woman is bigger than size 10, what counts as fat for a man is actually obese.

Yes, very true.

Ah Offred that hadnt occured to me as I am actually properly fat

Also what counts as fat for a woman is bigger than size 10, what counts as fat for a man is actually obese.

Maybe women think this about size 12, I don't believe most men do.