This morning, my 3 year old DS wanted me to put a hot pink hair clip in his hair. It's quite a big claw clip that I use to keep my hair out of the way in the bath, and looked hilarious when placed on top of his head as requested.
He thought it was great and announced "I'm a girl". My opinion is no one should really be bound to gender roles so my automatic reply was "boys can wear pink hair clips too". And then I overthought the whole thing (he didn't. He danced around showing his brother his "lovely hair").
Obviously there's a shit ton of debate about transgender issues and I'm not specifically trying to create a whole other thread about it. But I do find it interesting to consider in terms of parenting young kids because I realised I don't really know what to say. I don't mind if he pretends to be a girl and don't want to ruin pretend play by insisting "no you're a boy who likes hair clips" but equally I don't want him to think liking feminine stuff makes you a girl. That is ok to like that stuff if you're a boy too. I think in general it's a bit more accepted for girls to be tomboyish than it is for boys to be 'girly'. But the way things are going, expressing a like for stuff that's typically used/liked by the opposite sex means one needs to question their whole identity. I think that's a bad route to go down because it only shores up gender roles and delineates us all even more along stereotype lines. But it worries me that this narrative is being pushed and I wonder how to navigate it when it comes to school time. It makes me feel really horrible to imagine my sweet lovely boy one day having a talk at school from some Mermaids type organisation and starting to think that liking say pink makes him less of a man in some way.
Also, DS is starting to be interested in differences and likes pointing out he's a boy he has a willy, mummy isn't a boy because she doesnt have a willy and I've realised that it's getting to the point at the moment where the simple act of telling my 3 year old that "boys have willies" could be seen as wrong. In fact I've realised I actually feel a little bit uncomfortable as though saying this is really old fashioned. Despite my views. How ridiculous is that? And if I'm internalising it in that way, what about parents who aren't thinking about the whole thing all that much?
I don't know. Maybe this post is pointless and I'm sorry if so. It's just got me thinking about how expressing these thoughts is so easily seen as hateful when in fact I'm concerned only for my child and his future self esteem and sense of self.