Feminism and Disability

[ISaySteadyOn]

On another thread, @ThisIsTheFirstStep indicated that she'd like to talk about this. I said I would start a thread about it so I am.

I'm dyspraxic which can be a very hidden disability and very visible. Things slip out of my hands with regularity, I trip over my own feet, I break things and I really struggle with executive function. Sometimes I read what people post about DHs and DPs and housework and think that if DH posted about me, he would be told to LTB.

Despite my feminism, I do feel a bit of a failure in many ways as housework and multitasking and even the infamous mental load don't come easily to me. I sometimes think that I am letting all women down by not being super competent or eloquent or anything like that.

I'm not sure what I'm getting at, but I guess it's that even within feminism there are things you are expected to be able to do and if you can't do them, maybe you feel you can't qualify as a feminist.

I really want to hear other people's thoughts on this one.

Oh, and:

-obsessing
-getting over focused on the small details

• conversely, missing small details
• having trouble finishing things and letting them go

I used to line manage someone with ADHD. He had found all sorts of ways to self manage his challenges and maximise his strengths. I really enjoyed working with him.

Sorry o/t

Op (and others) I'm honestly bewildered by the idea that failing at housework could mean you're failing at feminism. I'm hopeless at housework and I think I'm actively contributing to women's rights by failing so spectacularly at it.

Sorry didn't mean to sound like I was minimising the challenges you face.

That's OK @SarahCarer IMO we need to stop 'speaking through flowers' I think we can all tell you have good intent you don't need to apologise.

This thread just shows how awful the concept of gender is when you fail to live up to your assigned behavior. I could choose to ignore many expectations (cos I thought they were BS) but the roles I failed to fulfill because of my gender somehow hurt me more - maybe because I couldn't choose to reject those expectations. I just couldn't do them so I felt guilty in my failure.

^the roles I failed to fulfill because of my disability

My issue is that there is no special support for dyspraxia - I think that this type of activity is much more beneficial in symptom management that organisational tools/free computers. They basically just give you the same package of care as a dyslexic but it's not really the same thing.

DJ - yes, you've hit it on the nose - it's a different problem, and needs a different assistance - and yes, sport/exercise is the secret for DS too (just not anything that involves rackets/bats unless you want a continuous stream of injuries for playmates!) - the OT explained it as a combination of strengthening weak muscles (eg. DS always lounges on me) but also wearing them out a bit, as muscle control is another issue (eg. gripping a pencil and writing so firmly that you break the nib and exhaust your hand).

That and just habit training. If I can get him into a habit of always putting his coat by the door, then he's less likely to lose his coat - routine gives him one less thing to think about organisationally - yet another area of course where the whole 'women can multi-task' trope is just another area you'd feel you were failing if you're dyspraxic.

Yes, always. I have to do things in a linear fashion. DH, otoh, can multitask for England.

I absolutely agree. I think having a uterus is bloody (pardon the pun) hard, and yet women arre often accused of being malingerers etc. And the way that certain things present differently in female people is ignored eg. Autism.