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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Benjamin Zephaniah "...are you controlling a woman?"

35 replies

Flatpackjackie · 02/05/2018 12:23

Interesting article. The ex's attitude is sad.

www.theguardian.com/books/2018/may/02/benjamin-zephaniah-admits-to-hitting-a-former-girlfriend

OP posts:
Ekphrasis · 02/05/2018 21:22

I do think it's just a term of phrase for him - the 'that'.

Thanks Ancient for that synopsis.

OlennasWimple · 02/05/2018 21:24

I have a general problem with the way that society is prepared to excuse and forgive perpetrators of DV (step forward Stan Collymore, Paul Gascoigne...). From the article, it appeared that BZ wasn't "only" violent when he got angry, but he was also controlling and coercive. He was a DV perpetrator in more ways than one, as well as a minimiser ("I didn't do it all the time, I'm not as bad as some other men")

I agree it's important to be able to let people acknowledge their mistakes, grow and move on from them. I agree it's vital that men talk about how unacceptable this behaviour is.

I don't think that means that he should get a free ride

doctorcuntybollocks · 02/05/2018 21:26

I don't think it was a 'mistake'. Did he hit her by accident?

Ekphrasis · 02/05/2018 21:27

Arse I'm
Going to have to read the book before I give it to her aren't I?
L

FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast · 02/05/2018 21:28

sorry but BZ is an idiot who is just jumping on the 'me too' bandwagon to try and sell some more crappy poems.

RedToothBrush · 02/05/2018 21:32

Dione id agree he didn't seem to sound like he saw women as equals. There were other comments elsewhere which retained that tone.

His comments about his ex partner were about more to do with the culture of how masculinity was viewed and being an aggressive male was viewed as attractive because of social conditioning.

I got the feeling it was that which shocked him, not so much looking down on his ex partner but the whole culture of which he had been part of which he couldn't comprehend once he tried to look at it from a woman's pov.

I think the article reads more like it was personal against her rather than a wider reflection that he made it out to be.

He minimised domestic violence and what he did, but at the same time made the point that even 'minor' aggression and controlling was totally unacceptable.

I think we are much more used to women making these arguments as victims rather than a man making these arguments as someone who had been guilty of these crimes. When we see the argument from this pov, we always want to be critical of them for doing something unacceptable. Because we see it from the victims pov. This woman didn't see herself as a victim and that's what is jarring and what the comment was about. Equally we don't often see a guilty man express remorse never mind that same revelation about a victim who has been so conditioned not just to see it as normal behaviour but preferred behaviour.

If things are going to change, you have to have men challenging their own and saying their roles they were taught are just wrong. I do think women can only say so much unfortunately. Because of that underlying view of women as not equals and not understanding male mentality and hierarchy of social structure.

Thats why I think the interview was of value. BZ did not have to volunteer information which people will look at and judge him for. He's not a hero for doing it either. Its just necessary if that makes sense.

counterpoint · 02/05/2018 21:36

Sadly, because of the timing, and some undercurrents in his phrasing, it sounds like he was probably informed that it was only a matter of time before his beatings came out in the media. So, it's better for him to confess them now, with his own well-chosen words (he is a wordsmith after all), than have the finger pointed at him for domestic violence by another.

Another tarnished role model.

RedToothBrush · 02/05/2018 21:41

Thats probably fair point counterpoint.

ArcheryAnnie · 02/05/2018 22:00

I want violent men to change, and I want to be glad when they do change, because that means less violence towards women.

BZ is not there, yet - the minimising, the absolving of responsibility ("I was just following the crowd") and all the rest of it. But it's a start, and I want to see what he does with it, particularly in terms of challenging forms of masculinity.

(But argh, is there any man left on the planet who has a history to be proud of, or do all of them have something to confess?)

counterpoint · 03/05/2018 08:19

This is the first time I've heard a poet say he was 'just following the crowd'. Really?

Worrying too, this revelation, that the accepted norm around him was one of DV.

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