How short is too short?

[Athrawes]

I have a colleague who is not used to dressing in a work environment. We are a school and she wears very short skirts.
I am torn; on the one hand I feel that she has the right to wear whatever she likes and that her legs are no-ones business but her own, on the other hand, she doesn't look professional. But again, professional is so subjective and maybe I am looking at dress code from a rather middle aged perspective.
Our work dress code simply asks us to dress professionally and is not prescriptive.
How can I tactfully say "people are talking about how short your skirts are, tone it down" in a supportive way, without undermining her right to wear what she wants.
Also - without getting into the wider debate because it is not relevant to this actual issue - she is a trans male to female.

Don't think trans makes a difference. Are you her boss? If not leave it. If you are just tell her that the dress code says professional, in your opinion the length of her skirts aren't professional and you'd appreciate it if she could buy some longer ones.

Would you fret about saying something if they weren’t trans and were a woman?

No-one has a right to wear "what they want when at work. That's why they ask for professional dress. Just say what you said here, they can do what they want in their own time but are currently not professional enough at work.

I don't think short shorts or short skirts are considered professional, no.

Yes I think I would fret about telling them if they weren't trans. Absolutely I would! For the very reasons outlined above.
No, I am not her boss but am her friend - so as a friend shouldn't I say something?
I have had the same issue with very young female teachers and chosen not to be the one to tell them that the kids can't help but be distracted by the acres of flesh. It is a very tricky issue hence my seeking opinion.
How would you feel if someone told you your skirts were too short?

I'm not sure how this is Feminism related? This might be better in Style and Beauty.

I suggest you post on Style and Beauty - they know their stuff.

Ally beat me to it!

Good idea - style and beauty will probably be much more informative.

allymacbeagle that is the best username!

Work dress code - or say nothing. If it's not referenced in the dress code for adults and unless you are their line manager, then it's not your business.

Take this over to the staff room.

I don't think it's up to you to tell her. If her boss has a problem with it they will deal with it.

Their manager will obviously say something and refer them to the dress code if they think it ks an issue.

Are they new to the workplace? Perhaps they'll realise what they are wearing is strikingly different to others and in time will purchase some new work clothes.

Surely that's for the SLT to deal with if it's an issue.

If she is trans, let her to it. It wont be reflecting badly on women in the office. If it was a younger woman i was fond of, id risk a quick word

You are not her boss, so just leave it!

It is up to her manager

Is she very tall? As a 6ft-er even a demure and dowdy Joules dress only hits mid-thigh on me

OK. I was asking here from a feminist perspective - is it ok being told that your skirts are too short - that your legs are a distraction. But fine, I will put my head back under the parapet and not dark this board again!

In general, I think it is helpful to offer other people insights into how to navigate the patriarchy, as well as how to smash it. I also like people to point out issues with clothes rather than ignore them.

In this case, I think it’s a case of whether the colleague feels like a friend or not. If so, saying ‘it’s shit but women get taken more seriously at work if they wear skirts between certain specific lengths’ might work, and she’ll appreciate that it is meant well. But if she’s very tall, she may know this and be struggling to find something long enough, so will then feel embarrassed.
If she’s not a friend, I’d leave it.

I think the feminist angle is that women are already at a disadvantage in the workplace and 'professional' clothes aim to take the focus off women's skin so that they're perceived as colleagues rather than sex objects.

However, I see younger women wearing work clothes I'd never have considered in my 20s, and I say nothing unless people ask my opinion (which never happens).

I don't think it's relevant that your colleague is trans, unless your point is that she may be unfamiliar with women's experience of being sexually objectified at work. But if it were me I'd still say nothing - it's for her manager to address if anyone.

I think they are perfectly capable of seeing the feminist perspective on Style and Beauty.

I work for an investment bank and some women do like to wear miniskirts with bare legs in the summer, but only when there aren’t client meetings. When meeting clients our MD has set a strict and comprehensive dresscode for men and women that details exactly what is acceptable and what isn’t.

The trouble is, there's the feminist angle of sure, a woman should be able to wear what she wants and men should keep their leering and hands to themselves, then there's the extra angle of but we live in a patriarchy, and her desires will have been affected by that socialisation, and so she may be wearing that short skirt not because it's actually practical or comfortable, but to cater to the male gaze etc.. basically - the full analysis of it.

But then it hits practicality, and real life, and in real life we have to temper our feminist theory with pragmatism. In this case, it really depends how inappropriate the skirts are - it's not that they're short per se, it's that they don't meet the conservative standards required by the office. Plenty of full coverage clothes wouldn't either.

You also need to consider how and why you're saying it - as a friend? As a colleague? As a supervisor? Of course it requires a lot of thought - and if I was a colleague then I wouldn't consider it my business (and that spills over into friend, if they're only a friend due to being colleagues)

Could you come at it from a "we have to set a good example to students about complying with the dress code" angle? That way she wouldn't feel singled out for being transgender

How can I tactfully say "people are talking about how short your skirts are, tone it down" in a supportive way, without undermining her right to wear what she wants.

You can't. Either the outfits are appropriate for the job or they aren't.

Is this being talked about a lot? Are colleagues or pupils openly mocking your friend behind their back? Are they bitching nastily? Are they likely to escalate to a complaint about it to management? Do you feel what they are wearing fails to meet the professional standard for the dress code?

You've got three choices, haven't you?

• Say nothing and let the cards fall where they will.

• Tell your friend that the skirts they're wearing aren't work appropriate and they should start wearing more professional outfits before they get into any official trouble.

• Tell your colleagues that they are being spiteful and nasty and should shut up making personal remarks about someone they work with who is doing no harm.

No pretty way around it, I'm afraid.