It was acceptable in the 80s

[Tinlegs]

Need to feel a bit more positive about progress. And a laugh. (Or a shocked gasp)

What was acceptable in the 80s if you were at school / work then (Or 90s etc, just liked the title)?

I went to an all girls' school (mostly boarding) on the outskirts of London. Things which were acceptable:

We were regularly flashed while playing rounders on a pitch near a public footpath. A class of 30+ girls and one female teacher and everyone just shrugged. No police, I am pretty sure.

Our Board of Governors was all male and the Chair once openly expressed surprise that girls were studying Maths.

We wore prefects' badges which staff instructed us to pin as close as possible to our shoulders when a certain male Governor came to visit. He liked to examine them closely and touch them, while pinned to our chests.

In part time jobs:

Silver service waitressing involved being trained (by a woman) how not to drop gravy and turkey on a guest if another guest surprised you by putting his hand up your skirt.

There are loads more.

Any of these now would have involved police (and social services). We just accepted it (wrongly) and tried to laugh it off.

I remember other girls at school telling me of the science teacher who expressed his disappointment at you not wearing a tie by wiggling a biro down your shirt where the tie should have been. I had tiny breasts then so that’s probably why I didn’t encounter this myself. Also school trips where members of staff (usually lab technicians, is this a science thing?) had sexual encounters with female pupils. At the time we thought those girls were super sophisticated- sadly now I realise they were actually being abused . This was mid nineties

Oh and the known about perv who hung about the primary school field fences. And multiple older men trying it on with me from age 13 plus. It just seemed normal at the time.

I worry for DD
Became a snarling feminist once she was born

Sadly the list of what would now be recognised as the sexual assaults (mainly in night clubs but also in the street) they were is so long I wouldn't even be able to tell you how many...but I remember a guy in Buzz Bar Leicester Sq (me 16 years) mid 90s actually randomly grabbed my VULVA and I did hit him he laughed
Packed night club in Barcelona some random bloke actually had his cock out and was rubbing up against me and I couldn't get away mid 90s again

I was lucky - my all girls school was uber feminist but we did have the obligatory flasher in the woods - I think the teachers chased them off

Early 2000s-My male boss putting his hands around my waist and commenting how skinny I was
Another male boss making comments about my legs and wanting to see my genitals
Being interviewed for a job (public sector) and being asked if I had a boyfriend, did I want to get married or have kids..2002 ffs😂

Girls had to wear short skirts and regulation knickers for PE and boys could wear their own shorts or tracksuit bottoms.

Girls were told we couldn't play rugby because we had breasts.

We did do a project on careers not being specific to sex, men could be nannies, women could be pilots etc. But in my career guidance I was told I was clever so I should be a nurse, I had never expressed any interest in being a nurse.

Attention from creepy men at the age of 11/12 brushed off with "don't be so silly, why would he be paying attention to you?"

Yet another pervy teacher - usually taught English but somehow wangled himself into covering girls' PE and sex ed sessions. He would get us to do gymnastics and touch our legs under the guise of correcting our posture. I know that gym coaches sometimes need to do that, but he wasn't a gym coach, he was a substitute teacher supervising a bunch of bored teens trying to do forward rolls.

I remember hearing about women who left work shortly after they got married. Not due to moving away with their husbands or going on mat leave, just because they were married now.

Soft porn pin-ups everywhere. Card racks of peanuts in pubs that revealed a scantily-clad woman's image as the peanut packs were sold. Porn was everywhere, although it was somewhat tamer than it is now.

I do still feel that this generation of teenagers have it harder than us in a lot of ways - expectations of body, make up and how you are supposed to perform for men. That’s really depressing.

I've posted this on here before....90s, primary 7 so 11 years old. Friend wrote me a letter saying her cousin was raping her. As an adult I'm devastated I even knew what that word meant at 11. I showed my mum and dad the letter. It detailed where she'd stood on a staircase one of the times he'd attacked her. Clearly my mum and dad thought this would be considered some sort of evidence by the police. My dad disappeared and came back with my friend, saying we were having a sleepover. She ended up staying with us for about a week. My mum bought her lots of new clothes, and I also remember my mum caught her shoplifting. It turns out my dad had gone to my friend's house to let her parents know about this letter. Dad had assumed they didn't know, and explained she could come to ours for the night as who knew how long they'd be at the police station because surely they'd immediately report the bastard fucking cousin. Actually they did already know, considered it "just one of those things" and my mum and dad kept her at ours for the week as they thought surely to fuck they'll see sense and go to the police. They never did. She ended up having 3 kids really young, never given a chance at life. I think of my dad compared to her dad and how difficult my dad's life was probably made for sticking his nose in "family business".

Recently I saw footage of Steven Lawrence's mum being introduced on the news as "Steven Lawrence's father". I know this would have been the least of her worries but for fuck sake! She says she was aware they were trying to break her, his dad had already been broken and she knew she was the biggest challenge the police/system faced. The pressure she must have been under is just inhumane.

It almost feels like girls are expected to take a more active role in their own exploitation now

In pubs and clubs in the 90s being groped, picked up, and having clothes pulled down or lifted was very common.

One night in a club a man yelled "stunner" in my ear so loudly it really hurt. I was about 18 and realised at that moment when men harass they're not doing it to get your attention, pay you a compliment or hope that you like it, they do it to exert control, intimidate and humiliate the female. I'm glad I had that lesson so young, before that I genuinely believed harassment was often clumsy attempts to get a girls attention or because men had little self-control.

Men have no idea how much harassment girls and women experience, and it starts very young. I believe most harassment is experienced by girls aged 11-18.

I got "let go" from my first pub job for telling a customer to leave me alone when he stuck his hand up my skirt while I was clearing tables.
Apparently the customer is always right.

I agree Sunshine. I think the 24hrs a day constant attachment to the internet has a lot to do with it.
Boys are encouraged to be dominant and aggressive, whilst girls told that being attractive and submissive is the no. 1 goal.

Gender stereotype 101.

All of these stories just reinforce what I’ve always thought, some adults don’t see children as humans with emotions, wants and needs - they’re just possessions to be told what to do and when, never mind their comfort or feelings.
I’ve never experienced anything as bad as some posters but I certainly recognise being hit on and cat called from an early age and being asked about family planning in job interviews when I was late teens.

When I told my headmaster that I would work after I was married, even if my husband didn't want me to, he said: "Dont be ridiculous!"

I was at Secondary in the 70s and had none of these experiences. My male teachers were completely respectful and there was no difference in girls or boys at Maths or Science. It was a mixed school and we were all treated the same.

It almost feels like girls are expected to take a more active role in their own exploitation now So true. I feel we are grooming kids en masse now.

The eighties were mad, so much was known, but accepted and normalised. We had a teacher who just loved the little girls, had done for years, we all knew, everyone did but it was so accepted and he still held several positions of power in the town. Every town had it's Saville.

Not so severe but I remember the term "prick tease" and how awful it was to be one. Like boys had zero control and their pricks must be satisfied at all costs.

The books we read wound me up too, always about boys and men, always. Billy Liar, he was a git, Of Mice and Men, don't even get me started on that!

Lots ringing bells here. School in 70s - bra pinging, communal showers, pervey PE teachers. Sexually assaulted by older boys, ( I had largish breasts at an early age)
No science except domestic, No wonder I couldnt wait to leave.

So many of these experiences. Remember being pinned against a fence by a construction worker on the way home as he rubbed himself off on me. Workmates turned a blind eye before I managed to escape. I was 10.

The books we read wound me up too, always about boys and men, always

If you have primary aged kids check out the class books and topics for each term. I've complained several times about how boy focused every single one is. The answer I get is that if there isn't a strong boy focus the boys will be turned off it (subtext and will then be difficult/bored). The girls apparently will behave and be interested whatever the material. Again the message strongly given: male gender focus is empowering, interesting, exciting, girls benefit from being included; female focus is boring, disempowering, boys can't be expected to put up with it.

Same here Knee

We are still training boys to think that they do all the important stuff. Gender stereotypes are just as bad now and cause real harm.

This is so unusual that if anyone else went to this school they'll recognise it - it's unusual because it happened to boys. I went to the same school as my ex and we were 13/14 in 1980 when his PE teacher used to 'show' the boys how to wash properly in the showers. He would offer to help them do a good job, and demonstrate on himself, whilst sporting an erection. He was sacked. My ex only remembers him being there for about two weeks.

Our English teacher managed to keep his job until he retired despite rubbing himself against girls regularly and reeking of whiskey. Our male French teacher used to promise good grades if girls would see him after school for extra tuition (euphemism). All well known by the Head, but nothing was done. I don't remember being academically disadvantaged though for being a girl, but perhaps I was and it was just so normalised that I didn't register it.

My experiences are tame by comparison. Like junebirthdaygirl above, it was a mixed comprehensive and I wasn't aware of anything inappropriate from any teacher.
Girls (certainly the clever ones) were encouraged to do science.

However, we were watched in the showers, naked, by our severe PE teacher who was also deputy head. And made to go back through if we hadn't cleaned properly. I understand this happened to the boys too.
Same teacher also regularly went though our bags looking for cigarettes, pulling out sanitary products and embarassing us.
And she measured skirt lengths to ensure we hadn't shortened them too much (some girls made them very short).
Girls and boys did textiles, cooking, woodwork and metalwork till GCSE when we had a choice.
No boys did textiles and cooking, and no girls did woodwork or metalwork, even though we were allowed.
The one that I remember as being most ridiculous is that girls had to do ballroom dancing in PE. It was some relic about making sure we were ready for society or something.
The boys didn't, so we had to partner with girls .

One that sticks in my mind, is having the table lined with newspapers in primary school when we did art. Including page three.

The May Queen for our village carnival was chosen from the final year if my primary school. This involved girls being taken in to the hall for a discussion about periods whilst the boys stayed in the class room and voted on which girl should be the queen. Girls came back in just in time for the queen and the runners up (who also got to hold flowers etc) to be announced.

At senior school girls did needlework and cookery for the first 3 years whilst boys did metal work and technology. In fourth year girls could choose to do 'boys' subjects at GCSE. I chose technology and was seen as awkward and trying to prove a point. As the boys had been doing the subject for 3 years more than me I struggled, particularly when it came to using some of the tools etc that the boys had been shown how to use before (the teacher did not show me, just left me to copy the boys). I was constantly asked if I wanted to swap subjects and eventually did.

PerfPower, there was something similar at my school with a male PE teacher who apparently got in the showers with the boys. Don't think it can be the same one (surname began with R and he also taught something else, possibly geography) as he was definitely there for at least a couple of years, but this was around 1980 too. There was also a lot of seemingly innocent, but still inappropriate, touching and comments from this same teacher, all done in a jovial grooming manner. Arms round you, hands on your knee, singling you out for attention with compliments etc. I'm sure he wasn't sacked, but I do remember the older kids having to have a 'special assembly' after Mr R was accused of touching someone's boob though.

Mixed comp in the 90s.
Six of my former teachers were or have since been sacked for sleeping with pupils.
Yes to the communal showers and being made to go through naked.
Girls couldn't do woodwork (but could do metalwork oddly).
Sixth form boys would hang out of their common room window and shout at passing girls. Sadly this is how I met my ex who I then ended up stuck with for 3 years while he grew increasingly abusive.

Despite all that I'm still glad to not be young now with social media, online porn etc.