Rape jokes in year 5 - how to address this?

[Splandy]

My ten year old son asked what rape was a few months ago. Asked whether it meant making somebody have sex with you when they didn't want to. I confirmed that it did and asked where he'd heard it. He said year 6 boys were shouting the word on the playground to be funny.

A few weeks ago, one of my son's friends said to my son "you raped girl's name from class. This girl is my son's 'girlfriend'. My son said "no I didn't, I'm not horrible". This was apparently another joke. I explained that it is awful and not an appropriate comment, and asked how he thinks this girl and her family would feel if they knew boys in her class were saying that. After a bit of probing, he said that other boys have made comments about rape to be funny. I don't want to go too much into why it is so awful because he is so young and I'm not sure how to appropriately address it. He also has mental health problems and if I talk about rape it is likely to lead to obsessive, intrusive thoughts on the subject. He's already experienced this a little bit from hearing it at school.

I am disgusted that boys this age have learnt what rape means and somehow learnt that it is an appropriate thing to joke about. I am so upset that girls in their class are already facing this and dread what they will face as they get older. I doubt that these boys really understand the seriousness of what they are saying, as they are still so young, but so angry that children have been exposed to rape being a funny thing to say. I feel it quite clearly shows the attitudes towards girls that boys in our society are being raised with.

How would you deal with this? I am thinking of asking for a meeting with the head, but don't know what outcome I could expect from that or even how to describe the issue when it's not a particular child but a general attitude.

I have a son in year 4. While I am not aware of anything like this at his school, I can imagine it. I think I would stress to him the seriousness of rape, that it is something only a really nasty people who deserve to go to prison do, and certainly not something to joke about. I think I would also have a chat with the class teacher to say that you are concerned about these things being bandied about in the playground and ask if there is any scope for talking to them as a group about respect and boundaries.

I work in a school. Yes, I can also imagine this and my school would come down like a ton of bricks

Report to the Head Teacher. There will have been a ringleader who knows full well what he is talking about, along with followers who also do. Then there will have been others who don't understand what they are saying but understand it is offensive. All need to be dealt with separately.

My school would know how to deal with it and it might well include talking to all the children in year 6.

OP that's really difficult with his age. Unfortunately I remember these kinds of "jokes" going around when I was at school, and IMO it can diminish later perception of the severity of it for a few.

It needs nipping in the bud. I think flowersonthepiano has it exactly right. Talk to him individually as above, and then speak to the class teacher expressing your concerns. They may not be aware of this "banter" and they certainly need to be, and be given the opportunity to tackle it head on.

As a teacher, I would want year 5 and 6 to be spoken to as a group about this. I would say definitely speak to the Head as it sounds like a year 6 issue rather than your son’s class. The head will take this very seriously I’m sure.
I very much doubt these boys know what rape actually means. They most likely have a shaky idea about what sex even is. They’ve probably heard it on the news.
Once they’re told what they’re saying is very serious, I’m sure most of them will feel bad about it and most likely won’t do it again.

Absolutely speak to the school about it. Great opportunity for the whole year to be spoken to about this and such attitudes nipped in the bud before they take hold. More people need to speak up about this kind of thing.

What age is year 5?

Another vote to contact the head.

Oh sorry I see you said 10 so this is a primary school? I think you will have to raise it with the head.

I would find out the names of the boys using the word and email the Head (I prefer things to be in writing). I have reported things of this nature before too.

Thanks for the replies. I doubt my son will tell me the names. I think for him, it is tied in to sex so is something a bit rude and naughty to say, but worse. I don't think he knows the names of the year six boys, they were standing in a group. The other boy that made this comment is a boy in his class, but not during school so I'm not sure it is appropriate to mention him specifically to the head. I don't want to raise it with his parents as I raised something with them a few weeks ago and they absolutely denied it. I have no 'proof' that he said it. I doubt this boy understands what he is saying either, just that it is rude and good 'banter'

Emailing is a good idea, I will do that.

I work in a primary school.
Please report this to the head teacher.
There are systems and processes that can help to re educate these boys now so that they don’t still think it is a joke.
We would really really want to know about this.

I would send an email do it's all down in writing, but request a meeting to discuss it face to face?

Sorry you guys are going through this. Sounds horrid.