Outing yourself to friends

[MallorieArcher]

I was having a whinge to my friend about DD being called a boy in the shop, and being told that it is because her hair is short, so 'obviously' they thought she was a boy.
She is one of my best friends, we are both fairly 'gender non conforming' and we have numerous trans friends as well that we both know.
I may have said I can't get my head round the 'transwomen are women' thing and now she's gone quiet online and k feel a bit anxious.
I don't think I can send loads of messages explaining as it's a bit uneccesary but I'm glad I said it, but also I don't know if she understands what I mean.

Sorry, that's all a bit stream of consciousness. How do you speak to trans allies that are friends, having peak transed, and not offend them. This is too hard.

How do you speak to trans allies that are friends, having peak transed, and not offend them. This is too hard.

Assuming they are decent, normal people and not radical TRAs then just don't be a dickhead or offensive.

I'm gender critical and a trans ally. I don't like the TRA lobby and am gender critical but am quite happy to support people who are gender non-conforming and support trans people. It's about balancinh of rights.
Most people fall in the middle ground between full on MN feminist 'peak trans' and full on TRA lobby.

Its hard. I ended up having a very drunken argument with one of my closest friends about this - I can't quite remember all I said but he knows my views now. All I can hope is that it's made him think more critically. He knows that I've always been a LGBT ally so there should be enough cognitive dissonance caused by my views to make him think. I've peaked three female friends by coming out as GC on Twitter. You just have to be true to yourself. There are friends I would rather not lose over this, but if they truly are willing to throw women under the bus then so be it.

Gender roles have really come back with a vengeance if a little girl is "naturally assumed" to be a boy if they have short hair.

Well clearly she isn't non gender conforming if she thinks having short hair makes you look like a boy.
Dont send her any messages, you don't have to explain yourself. If she wants to talk about it she knows how to contact you.

Well clearly she isn't non gender conforming if she thinks having short hair makes you look like a boy.
Or she is entirely aware that through socialisation people have come to associate short hair with boys and consequently it's obviously how someone might think a child (i assume not through puberty) might be a boy.

Oh I didn't make it clear, my friend has a buzz cut! The person in the shop told me it was because she had short hair. I was whinging to her about hat they said.

Maisy, I feel the same, I have all the patience for my trans friends as they aren't aggressive tras they're just trying to get by. I just can't accept the whole 'i am what I feel' nonsense.
Thanks for replies. Frustratingly most of my friends identify as strong feminists but also trans allies and #nodebate so I have noone in RL to speak to about it. I haven't started the conversation as there is always talk of terfs etc and tbh I don't feel strong enough to discuss it with everyone for fear of being ostracised.

Sending sympathy to the OP here. What a shame you can’t be honest with your closest friends. I think I might be older than you so outing myself face to face has been not too bad. I’ve peaked a couple of people that way. However I can’t be out at work as I work in an environment where everyone is mad about the whole trans agenda, shamefully to the exclusion of many other more common and more pressing problems that the people I work with suffer from. It’s deeply frustrating and I don’t feel I can be honest with them, I’m not sure why. I suspect i would be ostracised, possibly disciplined and made to do some “training” All this would make my working life difficult. I just smile and carry on. I won’t join in and I make sure I spend time on the other issues that are important.