Why does this bother me??

[FickleHuman]

Last night, I went out with a male friend. We were walking back to his car when we saw a guy having an argument with another.

We walked past to get out of the way but the group overtook us again. As far as I was aware only 2 of them had seen me.

Suddenly the worse for wear one of the group stops, turns round & says "You are a sexy bitch aren't you. I'd love to fuck you".

One of his friends said "shut the fuck up" to him through gritted teeth.

I just carried on without saying anything.

Firstly saying it to someone you don't know, saying it in an aggressive way and secondly in front of a male who I was with!

Pisses me off.

Because it is threatening not flattering. I would have been scared tbh...then angry.

Because it's offensive, rude, sexist, and dumb as anything. Because it seems neanderthal - you sexy, I fuck. Doesn't give a shit that you might find him repulsive. Well done for just walking away. I'd have been seething too.

I was shocked at first, laughed I guess out of no knowing what to do then was a bit scared after as I wasn't sure if he was still close by.

Only 2 weeks ago, I had a guy tell me to give him my number, when I ignored him. He told me to "suck a dick". Went on the verbally abuse me until I got in my car and quickly drove off.

Something I've had to unpick recently is the "but I was with a man" response.

If you had been alone or just with women his comment to you would have been just as objectionable. We need to stop seeing ourselves as spoken for (even if we're not) when a man is obnoxious - we're entitled to not be objectified even if we're alone.

This isn't a criticism of you by the way, it's one of me mostly, but we have to stop thinking that what is said to us is less ok because another man was there to hear it. We are valuable enough to not have to hear it ourselves, not just because a DP is present.

You're absolutely allowed to be bothered by random men sexually harassing you on the street. It's horrible behaviour designed to shame and intimidate

I read comment about being with a male friend in the context that the friend might have taken action to defend the OP or retaliate but the abusive male said what he said, anyway. I would find it surprising too...maybe he decided the friend wouldn't be a threat.

I'm always surprised when I receive abuse when I'm with a man
I think the type of men that do this respect you as 'property' more than as a person so they must assess they have no respect of the man with you to do that
I also think you expect to mind less because you are safer as you have a defence, but its still really horrible and you kind of know that they don't rate your defence

Why does it bother you??!

Because it's offensive, aggressive and accentuates that he feels he is in a position of power compared to you.

Why wouldn't it bother you?!

I'm absolutely sick of random men barging into my bubble with their attention seeking crap, while I'm quietly living my life & minding my own business.

I'm very old (40) so hardly go out-out and I'm invisible when I do, but I'd say I get beeped at while running at least once a month. It's fucking intrusive and is done simply to remind me that I'm at a man's mercy at all times.
Utter, utter, twatting morons.

40 is very old?

Of course it bothers you. It’s almost a threat. He’s saying he could, should he want to, fuck you regardless of how you felt about it.

I think being with someone else is relevant because a) that kind of twat sees women as property and b) safety in numbers. So to have it said to you when alone is scary because you’re vulnerable but to have it said when you’re with someone implies they are aggressive enough not to care that you’re in company

deydo no, of course not.
But it feels like it on the rare occasion I go out on the town

Men tell us all the time that they do not see it so when it happens in front of a man that kinda sorta call into question their claim that they never see it while raising the other question of is it getting worse.