Olennas, I think you are right about it with the old school transsexuals at least. I have always said on here from the off that I am a trans woman. I understand the biology argument and that 'sex change is impossible' and have not once complained despite being called 'he' and 'man' dozens of times on here for the past 3 weeks - this being pretty much the only time at all anyone has done that in over 40 years.
In day to day life you tend not to say other than woman or be called other than 'she' by all around you as that is the way they have all interacted with you in many cases for their entire life.
It would be harder for them to change that way of thinking than it was for me to just sit here and take constant replies saying he to me.
So it is not, certainly with those who have been around a bit, anything to do with usurping identities or stealing womanhood and all to do with living day to day having long since all but forgotten that you are trans. I only have one family member who was even alive before I transitioned so all of them would have to shift their entire perspective.
Plus the treatment regime for those who went through surgery decades ago was built around blending in, keeping your heads down and just living your life. This was done by mutual consent as there was no legal recognition often for decades (31 years in my case v 14 since the GRA was passed).
So nobody was pressing anyway to call you anything. You told people you knew well and family when old enough. They called you as they found you. No fuss really.
I have never demanded anything of anybody and not hidden who I am when relevant, despite having a GRC and an altered birth certificate. But there is a difference between knowing and accepting biological reality (which I do) and openly declaring to the world I am 'really a man', which is sort of what this would mean.
For some of us that would have effect many others in our lives more than not declaring that would do.
So I live with the accommodation of not asking anyone to call me anything and living with their choice without getting upset. And in relevant discussions using the term trans woman as that is appropriate and descriptive. But in day to day life usually just getting by being thought of and treated as a woman.
Whilst, I should add, being aware of the exemption circumstances where, for instance, in giving medical tests or access to refuges I would never impose myself. Indeed I lost a job as a trainee radiographer because the hospital concerned were worried then (this was the 1970s) that it might create difficulties with patients.
I accepted that with disappointment but understanding and moved on to something else. I suspect today that some trans activist facing this would run to the papers, scream discrimination and sue for thousands in lost income. That would never have occurred to us then in a million years as you lived with happiness at the accommodation society volunteered when there were no rights at all.
In other words, the question you ask is not always as simple to answer as it seems. What matters, I think, is living your life honestly and within the boundaries of both reality and sanity but in a way that sees you explain yourself when necessary.