Really annoyed about this. Should I have said something at the time and what should I have said?

[EllaLavella]

Went to my local post office today. They're always super slow in there and always only ever have one counter space open.

Two men walked in the door in front of me, so we all entered the post office at the same time, and they both queued in front of me, one in front of the other, with me being the third person in the queue.

Man behind the counter took ages faffing around serving a lady that was at the counter already. Once he'd finished serving the lady, Man 1 approached the counter and the staff member was gushing "So sorry to have kept you waiting Sir" and repeatedly fawned over him and called him Sir about 10 more times whilst serving him.

Man 2 then approached the counter after Man 1 had been served. Once again "So sorry to have kept you waiting Sir" and lots of fawning and calling him Sir repeatedly during the transaction.

Then it was my turn to be served. I approached the counter and got no greeting, no apology for keeping me waiting, even though I'd been waiting even longer than the two men. I wasn't once called Madam during the transaction, and tbh he barely spoke to me and didn't even say thank you once I'd paid, just shoved my receipt into my hand.

I know it sounds like a small thing but it's just so fucking sexist; fawning and apologising and being polite to men, and treating a woman customer like they're nothing! It's just not right! I didn't say anything at the time and just left the store, but now I'm thinking I really should have said something, shouldn't I? What would you have said? How could I have said something without seeming like a bitter angry cow but making my point?

It is sexist but honestly, i’m Norm bery confrontational, so I would t have said anything either.

My body language would probably be hostile, but other than that, I’d have kept my head down.

It shouldn’t be the case but I feel if I make a fuss in public, I’m going to be the one that comes off looking worse.

"Thank you for showing me who you are!"
Thanking them seems very passive aggressive until you think a mo and see that it is actually brutally frank.

This was the first site that came up when I googled middle age woman invisibility.

This is a thing.

Since menopause I experience it a lot. If use HRT, beating men off with stick. Irony alert.

lithub.com/on-the-invisibility-of-middle-aged-women/

Psycho I always feel like I come off worse too if I make a fuss.

Thebewilderness that's a good response. I wish I'd have thought to say something like that to him.

I'm thinking of complaining to The Post Office about it, still really cross about it today

This reminds me of when I last went to the dentist. While in the waiting room all the men called into see the dentist were referred to by title and surname - 'please come in Mr Smith'. When it was my turn I was referred to by my first name only (and no 'please come in', just my name shouted). Why is this?

Grrrr fivepies that would have pissed me off too! Male privilege is alive and well!

But the male customers are obviously so busy doing their important, busy man jobs, it's only right that they receive an apology.

Little females like ourselves have all the time in the world.

I'd be pissed off and I think it would be entirely reasonable of you to write / phone / email a complaint, OP.

I'm going to email a letter of complaint this evening.

Just to update, it happened several times after the original incident, where he called men Sir and was super attentive to them then just treated me like something on the bottom of his shoe, and I made a complaint last week.

The PO are looking into it and have taken it seriously, so hopefully this bloke will think twice before doing it again.

thanks for the update and thank you on behalf of the rest of us "invisible" women for speaking up about.

Well done for complaining. They should take it seriously. Glad you complained :)

Thank you and great work.

You're completely right about his behaviour. His behaviour towards you, relative to his fawning, forelock tugging at male customers, is unacceptable and also totally intentional. Women are nothing to him and he wants us to know it so that we will bugger off home where he doesn't have to see us. Discomfort is his weapon in the war on women. You are simply turning his weapon back upon him and, for that, I salute you.

We mustn't ever let them get away with it.

Well done, OP! Can't stand men like this - they are a disgusting boil on the face of the planet!! I am so glad you stood up to the likes of him!

I know what you mean. I went to buy a car recently.

Salesman kept repeating how I was looking for a 'runaround' to take the kids to school and run to the supermarket. I didn't mention children or a family once.

It didn't matter how many times I told him I worked full time, needed the car for storing camping equipment and towing a trailer he was convinced I'd being using it to 'pop out' a few times a week.

Even when you're explicitly saying otherwise, their sexist stereotypes are so loud they can't hear you.

Well done for speaking up. It’s jaw-dropping that anyone thinks this kind of discriminatory customer service is acceptable. They probably don’t even see what they’re doing, it’s so ingrained.
I think you did the right thing, btw, challenging in a written complaint later rather than at the time - it is very difficult to remain calm if you challenge this kind of behaviour directly, as inevitably the perpetrator uses your objection as further ‘proof’ they were right to disregard you in the first place, because you’re not sticking to female stereotype of meek and submissive. Written complaints are much much harder to ignore as well.

Lazy I completely agree with you, I’ve just bought a car & the garage kept sending things to my husband, even after I had asked them not to - he had rung around asking for test drives. I refused to do the customer feedback stuff as they sent it to him so they rang him. Grrr

Hardly what you are complaining about but the NT was joined by me, the standing order is taken from my bank account and they e-mail me, and yet all e-mails and correspondance is addressed to MrLouiseaa

I have rung and asked for it to be changed but apparently they can't.

Similar topic... myself and DH recently bought a new home and DH received a letter addressed to him only stating that HE had recently become the new owner of our home and to get in touch with their company if HE needed any building work doing to HIS new home. I was fuming, it's so damn sexist. The house in joint names FGS why just address the letter to the man?!

I have had similar in a post office - maybe it's a post office thing.