Calling DS (6) gay.

[FlakyToast]

So my son is 6 years old and has been planning his wedding to his friend since he was 5 years old. We've talked about where babies come from and he knows that they come from a mother and a father but that some children are then adopted and that families can have two mums or 2 dads or any number of combinations. He's decided he and friend will adopt a baby.

Now what I have not done as a parent is actually pay him any mind. He may well be gay, I don't know but at the moment he is 6. I don't pay it any more heed than my dd and boys she acts silly about. What I do know is that if I did tell people he was gay, I would get this look [hmm or worse from everyone I know. Even my most liberal friends. None of my friends are asking why I haven't started a folder to discuss his wedding plans.

So why are we so happy to assume a boy knows he is actually a girl at 6 years old?

What's the difference?

He is what he wants to be. Don't pigeon hole him. Is what I would do.

Absolutely. At this age, children's choices are arbitrary. They have no concept of the consequences of what they are saying. It's the same as deciding they will be an astronaut when they grow up. These choices/decisions are not based on reality, just fantasy. Transitioning young children is about the parent, not the child and frankly should be treated as child abuse.

Maybe because it's really wrong to suggest that a six year old has a sexuality?

He might be gay. But equally, he might not. He might want to marry his best friend simply because they ARE his best friend, and the person that, at the moment, he could most imagine wanting to spend his life with! Some kids want to marry their dog. Or their teacher. Surely you just chuckle to yourself and wait until they grow up, to see how they turn out? I wouldn’t get embroiled in over thinking this in gender terms.

I wanted to marry my cousin and I think, my dog, when I was 6. Because I had no concept of what marriage or sexual orientation was. He's a small child ffs.

Are you trolling? Or trying to provoke an argument about sexuality/gender etc?

Why would you tell anyone he is gay? Until he tells you either way then it is no one else's business but his! He is 6 for god sake. Barely knows what a penis does except have a wee!!!!

People seem to be missing your point here which is "why are six year olds being declared transgender when we wouldn't say for sure they were gay".

Most sensible parents wouldn't I think. I bet most people whose young kids say "I'm a girl/boy/tablelamp/in love with a squirrel" say "that's nice dear, eat your dinner".

It's only a recent phenomenon that some parents have taken it in a different direction, probably due to the suicide hysteria?

I guess also boys or girls who identify as the other gender are more excluded from something and wanting what they can't have, whereas in this case you've said "yes go for it" and there haven't been any restrictions or anything?

She's not saying he is gay. In fact, that's precisely what she's not saying. We all know it would be wrong to label a 6 year old as gay, because they aren't yet mature enough to understand what that means.

The question being asked is why is gender identity considered something that small children can definitively state, where other similar things are not.

Oh no I'm so sorry!! I missed out the last paragraph of the OPs post! My mistake!

Think people are missing the OP's point, perhaps?

Which I think is - it's silly to pigeonhole a small child as gay or straight, so why do we accept something as serious as 'transitioning" a 6 year old. Why not just let a six year old be themselves, like what they like, wear what they like, but not try to label them

Leave the boy alone, he's only six! If you start labelling him now, how can he grow and develop as a person?

What if you decide that possibly he is actually wanting to be a girl, and have a nice chat with some nice lady from a charity - with a Big Effing Scary Agenda - who will advise in all seriousness that the child needs a good dose of medication and a sex change at 16?

He's a kid. Kids say and think weird things. Let him decide if he is gay.

As a kid I always wanted to be a boy (I'm female). Even until late primary school. I remember finding out about 'sex changes' in the 80s and thinking I definitely wanted one when I was older.

I certainly don't feel like that now! Thank God no one listened to me.

My six year old DD still wants to marry me when she's old enough.

fekko - that is the OP's point.

Duh. Sorry op (must learn to read while posts!)

I was thinking this the other day. My youngest is 4. He is a boy. This week he has decided he will be a mummy when he grows up. When I explained that he was a boy and had a silly and when he grew up he would be a daddy and not a mummy, he got in a huff told me he'd have to cut his willy off and be a mummy instead. Now obviously the subject then quickly moved onto Pokémon or something and was forgotten.......however he has a handbag he plays with and likes my little pony. (And also Pokémon and "boy stuff"). He may or may not end up as a "masculine" man or a "feminine" man or if he is anything like his older brothers somewhere in between so by the time he becomes a teen it will just be a funny anecdote we bring up from time to time.
If I was so minded, though I could fixate on it. change his name and dress him in pink from top to toe and start a blog about it. But I dont.

A junior male relative was always the one with girlfriends. Until he worked out as a young adult what seemed obvious to all of us - he came out as gay and us now in a long term relationship with a lovely bloke.
Let the child be and do what suits him. Support him but it is always his decision not his parents.
Luckily too , this junior male relative of mine has parents who think this way.

My son wanted to marry me too. As did my daughters.

I have a gay daughter, she prefers gay to lesbian. My son and other daughter are heterosexual.

It wasn't a surprise to us when she 'came out' as gay at the age of 20. We just said congratulations! I was very proud of her.

There is no way I would have forced a sexuality on any of my children.

Gender identity is not the same as sexual orientation.