Women and self-respect

[Dergadgeghead]

I'm feeling so conflicted about being a feminist and what it means.

Mainly I think women should be able to choose their own path, and should look for partners that support this. So fuck that to the idea women should work full time but carry all the home making and childcare responsibility.

But while women allow men to get away without doing their domestic share or emotional labour, we all suffer.

And meanwhile women have to put up with bullshit at work from men whose wives 'don't need to work' so they don't get it when family life encroaches on the professional.

Sorry this is a bit of a rant - I think the wives of powerful/rich men are entitled as feminists to put family first but still think it would be easier for women en masse if they all told their husbands to fucking do their share around the house and look after sick kids while pursuing their own business / political agenda.

Does this make sense?

#ManFriday

Go on strike as a woman, do man things, behave like a man.

Exactly! How do men keep getting away with it? Are we 'letting them'?

I am celebrate, I live with no man. I answer to nobody on this earth and I am happy.

I think we have to be prepared to accept lower standards if we’re going to refuse to do all the wifework. This is what I’ve learned. I’m the breadwinner in the house and my dh stays at home, but the place is messy and annoying to live in. I just try to ignore it and tell him he must help tidy up. He’ll do it for a day then go back to normal.

Most men don’t appear to be able to do very much at all if it doesn’t involve making money or doing one of their ‘hobbies’.

Who imposes the standards?

Its actually pretty normal for animals to keep their nest clean. I think there's a base line of acceptable cleanliness that's not culturally imposed. I'd guess its based on disgust for things like bad smells and bodily waste.

Someone on another thread reported they could smell male from a SWIM, they could tell deep down something wasn't right even though visually they passed.

Someone on another thread reported they could smell male from a SWIM

I'm not sure if SWIM means swimming or is an acrynom but on the subject of smells, funnily enough a few weeks ago I was standing in a queue and there was one person in front of me.

SWIM - Struggling with identity male

Sorry posted too soon now have to run, but long story short, before I looked at this person my nose told me it was a man wearing women's perfume. When I looked, I saw it was a transwoman. I found that quite interesting anyway.

Ah I see so similar to my experience. I hadn't realised I could pick up the sex of a person from their scent before. I don't think I'd have noticed if it hadn't been for the perfume.

This leaves a whole generation unable to trust their basic human senses, and thus in danger from predatory men. Years ago a friend of mine had a trans friend. This person (early 20s, at a guess) was very small and slender, heavily made-up and corseted, and passed well as a young woman. I felt extremely uncomfortable around her. I felt she was male, and being told I was wrong was really stressful. "She" was eventually exposed as male after a sexual encounter, and I thought about why I had felt so stressed. It was the lie. Being lied to, and knowing you are being lied to, but being forced to accept it, is dangerous. We all know this. We are mammals, and we use our senses to explore our world and keep us safe. This male person, to me, smelled wrong. I could smell that he was male, and the lie frightened me. Feminine males, honest about their biology don't frighten me. As a victim of male violence, deceitful men with an agenda do.

This is part of a post on another thread.

You can also hear male. I notice when SWIMs speak no matter how good they are, there alongside the high pitch voice is the low hum of male voice.

So yes my DH has sometimes worn a French perfume of mine when he is in a rush or runs out of his aftershave - he actually thought "rive gauche" was a male scent - anyhow it just smells so wrong on him.

I was trying to think the other day why I feel so uncomfortable with cross dressers by this I mean those who wear ultra feminine clothes but as just so male. I think it is the safety aspect?

Men do smell don't they I mean I am surprised that when I go swimming how I can smell a male scent from the next lane.

They may not smell what women smell, they may not know we can smell them in the way we can. Have you ever walked into a room full of men? The male smell hits you up the nostrils big time like nothing else, even rotten food.

It's not a bad smell, simply a smell my sensors are highly attuned to.

I do all or most the housework my DH works ridiculous hours.

I actually feel better when the house is in order.

I wonder if lot of the cleaning issues now days are because we live in smaller houses with more stuff and clutter.

When I work ridiculous hours again I will get a cleaner.

Anyhow my DH is generally useless at domestic stuff and I just can't be bothered moaning to him anymore.

He is good at washing clothes, drying clothes folding clothes and getting the Children’s clothes ready and ironing though but not much else. He is a good parent.

Now my FIL who stayed with me was a revelation he helped out so so much and used to obviously help out at home 50/50 even though he had a demanding role.
He told off my DH about it and said to him that if he works long hours during the week he should set aside a day at the weekend to help out with maintenance and the house.

But I realised that my FIL and MIL worked full time and sometimes a lot more than full time throughout their lives meaning they now are retired and super sorted financially with good pensions.

The standards aren’t really imposed, more like just being acceptable. My dh will happily ignore a sink with dust, fluff and toothpaste streaks down it, whereas I don’t like it. That’s not an acceptable level of cleanliness and it looks gross when you’re brushing your teeth or washing your face.

Maybe the way I need to understand this is that, if your partner respects you and you work well as a team, and treats you as an equal, then that's as good as it gets.

And for you to get ahead in the outside world (career etc) you need that support first of all and only secondarily a lack of workplace discrimination...

I remember at a party standing in a kitchen with about seven men. The smell was so overwhelming I had to leave or be sick. Now I'm not talking BO or anything - just the smell of men. I think maybe it is an evolutionary thing where women can pick up the scent to protect ourselves.

As for the OP, it isn't women's fault. We are just trying to make the best life we can for ourselves and our children. We have also been socialized to care more about looking after the house and the shitty admin crap...I know I feel GUILT if I forget to sign off my child's homework but my DH never even checks it over or anything!!

It's a tough call...
You can't blame these sahms of wealthy husbands for holding up patriarchy, I mean some would say that's what sahms do, they uphold patriarchal norms that bring all women down.

The cost of childcare in this country is through the roof.
In France / Germany the rate of mums returning to work is far higher because childcare is universal and free.
In our country it makes more economic sense for one parent to stay home and one to go out to work.

Thinking about the smell of men now! Mmmm.. I like men.

Ugh...you wouldn't be saying that if you went into the bathroom after my DH!!🤣🤣

LastGirl A much needed

Ah Christian you seem low tonight.. Don't let the skitters get you down!! It will be ok!!