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Original poster

Ethical porn for teens

64 replies

ObviouslyNamedchanged · 11/03/2018 21:57

Okaaaay, I'm sure I've read about porn produced my women and sort of softer?

So basically teen ds know how I feel about porn and understand why............but are there any porn sites like what I have mentioned, that They could be pointed to?

God I know this is a ridiculous question and situation. But I would really like them to understand sex properly, sensual. Not degrading, strangulation, sluts getting banged, yanked about ect.....

I don't know what else to say, but hopefully you get the jist.

OP posts:
NotAllTimsWearCapes · 11/03/2018 22:49

I know! I hadn't thought far enough ahead as to how I would errrr... point them in the right direction grin

Grin

“Seen any good movies recently Mum?”

“Well, now you mention it son, I have....”

Original poster
ObviouslyNamedchanged · 11/03/2018 22:49

Thank you Mouthtrousersafrocknowandthen

What she says is in that link is where I'm coming from. I'll have a look at her website.

OP posts:
Original poster
ObviouslyNamedchanged · 11/03/2018 22:50

NotAllTimsWearCapes
Grin

OP posts:
Devilishpyjamas · 11/03/2018 22:51

There’s a book written for teens by someone Dutch or maybe Scandinavian. It includes photos of real teens in relationships. Talks a lot about things like consent.

Going to google to see if I can remember the name

Mouthtrousersafrocknowandthen · 11/03/2018 23:07

She spoke to me, I was divorced at 50 and young men were attracted to me and treated me to their porniified version of sex.

I am mature and confident enough to actually stop men behaving that way to me but it made me stop short and have conversations with my two DSs and explain to them that porn imagery was not what they should do to the women they are with, this is an ongoing conversation we are having.

We must talk to our youngsters about this. My parents never protected me in any practical way, I am not making that mistake.

TrollTheRespawnJeremy · 11/03/2018 23:11

Ohjoysextoy is a comic strip led sex-positive blog that's used to assist sexual education in the US. It links to some ethical and consensual 'normal' porn that isnt all berserk positions and screeching.

CertainHalfDesertedStreets · 11/03/2018 23:25

This is a horrible thread. It's child abuse to show or encourage a child to look at porn.

AssignedPuuurfectAtBirth · 11/03/2018 23:28

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FissionChips · 11/03/2018 23:32

There’s a book written for teens by someone Dutch or maybe Scandinavian. It includes photos of real teens in relationships

I hope you don’t mean naked under 18’s.

Mouthtrousersafrocknowandthen · 11/03/2018 23:35

Yep, there is an 18 warning on the link I posted.

Good luck with the abstinence mission.

You are in a world where we are trying to campaign against pre teens from experiencing in the same online world where they are two clicks away from the most debased behaviour possible, the same world in which they can choose to be male or female at the ingestion of a few pills. This what is happening to children. This is all part of the same story. Its desperately unpleasant but it is the world we have sat back and let happen around us.

Original poster
ObviouslyNamedchanged · 11/03/2018 23:39

I not encouraging them to look at porn, they know dam well how much I don't like porn.

Being realistic, is the fact that their friends already watch it have it on there phones, talk about ect.......

How many teens are not going to do something because "mummy doesn't like it" "mummy told me not to"

I was pondering the point that I had heard of women made porn, I made a thread have had some decent responses.

As I've already said I hadn't really thought ahead as to how I would 'let them know about and alternative to the porn industry' or 'point them in that direction', if need be.

OP posts:
SnibbleAgain · 11/03/2018 23:41

I think some pragmatism is required.

I feel the same about other risk behaviour in teens as well. I'm in the they're probably going to do it so let's give there info, while telling them they don't have to, even if everyone else says they are.

I watched porn, took drugs, stayed out all night and was having sex well before 18. That was the norm in my area, and we were all very middle class.

I wouldn't show then porn obviously but have had a couple of agree appropriate convos with 10yo DD already. So if and when someone shows her/ she finds what we all know is out there, she is pre warned and armed to some extent.

SnibbleAgain · 11/03/2018 23:44

I put the middle class thing as when I relate stories or remember it sounds really bad, the point being that there's no telling who is up to what and often posh kids (from what I've heard) are the worst of all but they get bought out of trouble so it's all under wraps

Original poster
ObviouslyNamedchanged · 11/03/2018 23:49

Snibble

Same here, smoking by 13 having sex by 14, partying, drinking and taking drugs, 14 up wards.

Naice home back ground.

OP posts:
LonginesPrime · 12/03/2018 00:25

Teenagers don't need porn, but I agree that they're going to be exposed to it whether you (or they) like it or not.

I don't think the answer is to give them more porn or point them in the direction of the kind of porn you're ok with though.

I talk to my teen DCs about porn, and about how it differs from reality, and about consent, violence against women, trafficking, etc.

They will obviously see porn elsewhere, but I believe the most important thing is to teach them how to 'read' it. You don't need to watch it together to do that as there are plenty of common themes you can talk about on a general level.

womanformallyknownaswoman · 12/03/2018 03:50

There's no such thing as ethical porn. All porn is based on the exploitation of women and their bodies - all of it. Erotica is ok - but still I would point him to Gail Dines on youtube etc to educate him about debasement of women. If he goes down the porn route, his relationships will be a disaster- get him off the net and talk to him about coercion v consent. And love and intimacy

mamaryllis · 12/03/2018 04:05

Errrr to be honest, if you realise that your teen isn’t going to stop looking at prom because ‘mummy doesn’t like it’, you have to be able to grasp that they aren’t likely to check out ‘mummy’s approved porn sites’. Purely on principle.
And I’m pretty sure that adults linking children to porn sites, however ‘ethical’ they believe the porn to be, puts you on pretty dodgy ground. Particularly when their mate’s parent takes exception to you providing porn to minors (because your dd shared it ‘look what my mum gave me’ and he used it as a defence when he got caught ‘but Kev’s mam gave it to him and said it was ok’ and reports you. Particularly the ‘real teen sex’ stuff.
No I won’t be signposting 16yo ds to porn of any description. No I did not signpost 18yo dd to porn of any description. And no I won’t be doing it for 14yo dd either.
Chatting about consent is a completely different kettle of fish to becoming a porn distributor to the local secondary school. Ffs.

mamaryllis · 12/03/2018 04:08

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Areyousureaboutthat · 12/03/2018 04:54

Agree with mamaryllis. There's a reason that sick shit is out there. Because males like to watch it. I hardly think they're going to stick to the 'nice' stuff if they know there's other more titillating stuff out there esp if their friends are watching it. Sorry op.

tackytriceratops · 12/03/2018 06:17

It's not porn but it's how women like to be touched, an educational guide. It's extremely honest! More for women to explore and then talk to men about but might be educational.... not sure any child wants their parent to point them in that direction though!

To be fair, leaving a book similar to the joy of sex on a book shelf might be the best option!

www.omgyes.com

tackytriceratops · 12/03/2018 06:20

^ if you sign up you watch videos of women discussing and showing how they like to masturbate. Lots of detailed descriptions of ways to stimulate the clitoris. Then you have a computer simulator to, um, touch and try to bring to orgasm in the way they like.

Original poster
ObviouslyNamedchanged · 12/03/2018 07:01

I talk to my teen DCs about porn, and about how it differs from reality, and about consent, violence against women, trafficking, etc
Yep done that.

talk to him about coercion v consent. And love and intimacy

Yep done that too.

Not going to be linking to porn sites, or directing Them to any, but kind of wanted to know if they are out there, because surely it's worth letting them know, their is an alternative to the hard-core shit that is everywhere and only a click away.

It was a stupid question, not well thought out and clumsily put in the OP.

thought of 'mummy approved porn' is comedy gold.

It wasn't my intention in first place though.

But hey you live and learn.

My view is there is no ethical porn.
Unfortunately the days of teens pinching their mums kays catalogue and finding porn under hedges, or a well worn mag been passed around, are long gone.

Thank you tacky and yep I think you maybe right, looks like I'll be purchasing the joy of sex, and hope their curiosity does the rest.

OP posts:
Devilishpyjamas · 12/03/2018 07:03

No I don’t mean naked under 18’s (never hear of that & don’t like the sound of it). It’s a sex ed book - written about relationships and illustrated by photos of teens in relationships. It is heavy on teaching that sex is about relationships. I like it because it had big sections written in red about consent and says all the things that need to be said without preaching. I have a feeling that it is aimed at boys but can’t remember.

Cannot find it’s name or any of the guardianista type articles there are about it. My son has a copy so will see if I can dig it out.

To be clear - it is not porn. But it is a pretty frank and sensible book that show teens that sex can be loving (& is probably better when it is) & that there are responsibilities with sexual relationships as well.

Original poster
ObviouslyNamedchanged · 12/03/2018 07:05

Devilishpyjamas thanks for looking.

OP posts:
Aristaeus76 · 12/03/2018 07:15

Abbey Winters if it's still going (mainly girl on girl).

All female crew, a lot of the 'actors' are members of the public who approach them, usually shot at a familiar location and actors wear their own clothes to make them feel comfortable, actors are given the general starting plot outline and then they just go with the flow and do what they feel natural and comfortable with - no taking orders from a director, no photoshopping out cellulite or spots, etc.

It's as ethical as porn can get.