Meeting with my son's Headteacher (Primary) Please help me prepare

[SteelyPip]

I have opened a discussion with the Chair of governors and he and the Head have met to discuss Trans issues.

I've sent the Transgender Trend resource booklet to The Head to absorb ahead of our meeting.

Please will you help me to structure a succinct list of concerns, so that in our meeting I'm able to give a good account of the issues. I feel I need to keep my talk focused on Primary-age children for her to take my view on board. (Even though I believe the wider context of what's happening is crucial. I think she'll cut me off if I explore that.)

We have a male parent currently transitioning, his child is in the same class as my son. But I'm approaching this meeting through my role as a Governor really. I think that weighs more potentially, than a concerned parent.

How would you get the maximum out of this? How would you approach it? I'll have 45 minutes max and must be clear, calm, logical and persuasive when I feel enraged and emotional.

Any pointers gladly received and if Datun would like to accompany me that would be great!

Could you draw his attention to the nonsense being taught in schools by Mermaids?
Such as the gender rainbow and how they believe "sex is ambiguous so we don't use sex to describe people"
And how you are concerned the school might think Mermaids are the only resource source for advise on the matter when they aren't.
So you are pointing the school to other resources to help.

You are concerned the school might allow boys to use the girls bathrooms and compete against them in schools when there is no legal requirement for them to do this and in fact may breach law because this is what other schools are doing.

*his attention! WTF.
HER attention.

I even did read your post properly.

Can I ask out if interest your reason for the meeting? Are you friendly with this parent and are they aware of your intentions? I'm curious as to why it is any one else's business other than the individual and their family, I'm assuming the school is supporting the child throughout the transition process. Or are your intentions regarding introducing trans gender education to children? If so, should this not be done during sex Ed?

The most fruitful conversation I've had (with teacher, not head) was around evidence. Teacher was just a bit floored to discover that there isn't a solid body of evidence behind transitioning and that it's more ideology than evidence based medicine, particularly with regard to children. There was an assumption that if the treatment was offered through NHS resources, it must be evidence based. The studies are tiny, the stats are arguable, the ethics of doing future blind trials are disastrous, but surely therefore the normal approach would be non-intervention until intervention was evidenced.

I think at primary particularly, emphasising the lack of evidence and the need to be cautious is helpful.

Trickier with a parent transitioning. I think my goal there would be to separate care and support for individuals - obviously everyone to be treated with respect - and widening the bandwidth of what it means to be a girl or a boy at school. So we keep telling our girls it's fine to like football and wear trousers and we keep (or start!) telling our boys it's great to like creative writing and role play or whatever blanks you want to fill in for each....

For a starter I would not ask the head if they had had time to "absorb" the contents of the leaflet you sent. Try not to speak in trend speak, most heads learn to get through complicated agenda quickly, and waffle wastes time, yours and theirs.

All you need to do is ask if the school has, or is planning to have a trans policy which covers children, staff, parents. If they haven't but are planning to then ask if you can be included in the the discussions. At this stage nothing else is required of you or of them.

If they haven't got a policy and are not planning one then you can offer your concerns about the transitioning parent, whatever your concerns are AND if the parent has asked you to. If they don't want a policy then you could at a push ask if they could allocate a staff training meeting to the subject. If they don't want to do that then you can't move on much further.

I am not sure why you think a parent transitioning needs whole school involvement, to me it is as much an issue for a school as same sex parents, school needs to be aware and supportive of the child if any bullying issues arise but that's about it.

Thanks for the responses everyone. I'll come back and do a detailed answer to everyone's posts later, but just to share some thoughts quickly.

I think the school has only got trans issues on its radar because of this one MIT and I think the implications for education are far wider and it's better to grapple with them sooner, rather than later.

I don't want the children lied to and told it's possible for individuals to change sex. I don't want children who enjoy playing with a wide variety of toys (or dressing non-traditionally) labelled transgender or gender -fluid. I want the school to work on deconstructing not narrowing gender definitions. I want the staff to understand the difference between sex and gender and be able to deal with the kids' questions factually not politically. I want the relevant school policies to use accurate language and be clear.

I'm getting involved as a Governor because I have a duty of care to vulnerable children and in helping develop policy and the strategic direction of the school. I want to ensure the child of the transitioning parent is ably supported. I want to also be reassured that staff training does not come from political pressure groups and that the Head, Governors and SLT have read enough around the topic to understand the challenges.

Thanks to those who've helped so far. Will reply more in a bit.

It may be useful framing the discussion around safeguarding, and reasons for sex segregation (which I think is required for some things in schools?) As well as doing the best thing for all pupils.

Positive rather than negative

In case the school thinks you are transphobic for questioning the Mermaids/GIRES model of transgender policy, you can also refer them to the Tavistock Clinic which has some useful resources around evidence (or lack of it) here:

gids.nhs.uk/evidence-base

Note the model is still "watchful waiting" not "affirmation" for children

It also emphasises the lack of evidence around long term affects of hormones; and the to date unexplained co-occurrence of autism and GD.

They also provide guidance for professionals which includes this advice:

"Help to keep options open and maintain safe uncertainty.
Young people’s identities are developing throughout adolescence and into adulthood, and some people decide that they would like to express their gender identity in lots of different ways, which may change over time. Keeping options open is important to allow a young person to feel able to change paths if they want to."

Lupron will be this generations thalidomide.
Schools need to understand that there are going to be lawsuits when children who were introduced to transitioning and encouraged to transition through programs hosted by the schools find out that most of what they were told was simply not true.
This should be a major liability concern for the school administrators.

www.lupronvictimshub.com/

These poor children

Watching

Could you draw his attention to the nonsense being taught in schools by Mermaids?
Such as the gender rainbow and how they believe "sex is ambiguous so we don't use sex to describe people"
And how you are concerned the school might think Mermaids are the only resource source for advise on the matter when they aren't.
So you are pointing the school to other resources to help.

You are concerned the school might allow boys to use the girls bathrooms and compete against them in schools when there is no legal requirement for them to do this and in fact may breach law because this is what other schools are doing.

In reply to Patodp

From previous information I've forwarded to the Head and the Chair, she is aware of Mermaids and GIRES and how they have an agenda. I don't think she's in any way aware of how rabid the TRAs are in opposition to resources such as Transgender Trend's pack. I've been completely transparent in telling her that I too have an agenda, and it's to support children to explore themselves and the world with the broadest leeway and not to encourage them into decisions they're too young to understand the consequences of.

I am trying to put forward an argument to counter the Emperor's New Clothes madness and I think she will be receptive to me adding resources and information to the pool, so that staff have more knowledge of the differences in approach to trans issues.

Yes I will talk about segregated spaces, girls in sport and exceptions to the Equalities Act. Thanks for your input.

Can I ask out if interest your reason for the meeting? Are you friendly with this parent and are they aware of your intentions? I'm curious as to why it is any one else's business other than the individual and their family, I'm assuming the school is supporting the child throughout the transition process. Or are your intentions regarding introducing trans gender education to children? If so, should this not be done during sex Ed?

In reply to SprinkleSomeSparkles

The reason for my meeting was to get Trans issues on the school and Governors' radar so that they will be informed and prepared to deal knowledgably and compassionately with children, parents, staff etc who are transitioning or intend to do so. It's not my intention to demonise any groups - rather to ensure that the school has access to ALL of the information available and can them formulate a stance independent of political trends.

I know the parent and my son is friendly with his son. He came out to me over the summer. I have personal concerns about his mental health, but that's none of my business so long as school are supporting his son. I want to feel confident that the teachers and support staff have sufficient training and understanding to deal with any questions that arise in my son's class. (The parent's son is talking openly about his Dad's transition to his friends.) I believe it's important that the staff are all on the same page and they are getting to grips with the implications of TRA politics and how this is going to impact on policy and practice.

Thanks for your reply. It's really useful in helping me think everything through.

When my son is at primary in not too long I will be sure to arm myself with the resources from TGT too. Hope it goes well.

@Patodp

I think if all of us shared these resources with schools it would be a great start!

The most fruitful conversation I've had (with teacher, not head) was around evidence. Teacher was just a bit floored to discover that there isn't a solid body of evidence behind transitioning and that it's more ideology than evidence based medicine, particularly with regard to children. There was an assumption that if the treatment was offered through NHS resources, it must be evidence based. The studies are tiny, the stats are arguable, the ethics of doing future blind trials are disastrous, but surely therefore the normal approach would be non-intervention until intervention was evidenced.

I think at primary particularly, emphasising the lack of evidence and the need to be cautious is helpful.
Trickier with a parent transitioning. I think my goal there would be to separate care and support for individuals - obviously everyone to be treated with respect - and widening the bandwidth of what it means to be a girl or a boy at school. So we keep telling our girls it's fine to like football and wear trousers and we keep (or start!) telling our boys it's great to like creative writing and role play or whatever blanks you want to fill in for each....

In reply to ThisIsAStory

I think you're bang on with the focus on evidence (or the lack of it) My Head has stated that there's no room for opinion, it's evidence she's after. (Trouble is I think she means evidence from specialists - which might well include those specialists who're pushing a trans agenda. And in any case I think specialists really offer an informed or educated opinion, it can't be infallibly evidence-based only. And then it gets complicated by those who've got a vested interest in research panning out a particular way... or choosing to interpret the evidence in a particular way... I did point out to her as we were thinking about this meeting that research into de-transitioning had been banned at one local University - thus cutting off a potential source of evidence which might have informed the debate. She seemed surprised by that - but has a pretty good poker face!

I think once you've peaked and you've this sudden insight into the bigger picture and you have seen the Emperor's nakedness, it's really hard to unpack all of that quickly and unemotionally to someone who's just starting. I want to be the epitome of calm rationality, so thank you for letting me think out loud here.

I want the school to work on deconstructing not narrowing gender definitions. I want the staff to understand the difference between sex and gender and be able to deal with the kids' questions factually not politically. I want the relevant school policies to use accurate language and be clear.

I'm getting involved as a Governor because I have a duty of care to vulnerable children and in helping develop policy and the strategic direction of the school. I want to ensure the child of the transitioning parent is ably supported. I want to also be reassured that staff training does not come from political pressure groups and that the Head, Governors and SLT have read enough around the topic to understand the challenges.

I think this is brilliant, powerful and really clear. You should just say this and ask questions/make points related to these things.