Answering back to catcallers j

[Nuffaluff]

I saw recently that someone posted a link to an article about a study done into catcallers. Apparently they do it for the power aspect and because it’s fun.
I sometimes get this now I’m 40. When I was younger I used to get shouted at a lot more in the street. When I was a teenager, every single day.
I’ve always used the same tactic. Ignore, hurry on and you don’t give them the satisfaction, etc. But it still used to make me really angry - it wasn’t a satisfying way of dealing with it.
So now I’m older, more confident, I would like to try a different tactic. Next time it happens to me I’d like to walk right up to the idiot and say something. Not a put down really, more something along the lines of seriously pointing out how his behaviour affects people. I don’t want to give him more ammo or contribute to the fun, just make him think about what he’s doing, embarrass him into stopping.
That way I’d be helping out the young girls who get this hassle.
Have any of you ever done this? How did it go?

I wouldn't say anything? Tbh.

I used to work with a man who was the sort to do this and nothing you could have said to him would have made any difference. He just viewed women so differently and any protestations just amused him.

Women talking just sounded like Charlie Brown's teacher to him.

I know that from conversations I had with him where he just ignored anything I said that didn't fit with his expectations.

Eg he couldn't grasp why I was single. I said it was by choice. He said I was an attractive woman and he was sure someone would want me. I said that wasn't the issue and I didn't want a relationship. His response was that, if he were single, he'd have asked me.out so he was sure I wouldn't be single for long.

Men who do this don't care.

Take some serious self defence lessons first. Men who catcall feel entitled to do wo, and generally people don't like being called out on their misplaced entitlement.

I like to stop and ask them to repeat what they just said.

It's as if you morph from a cipher to a person in front of their very eyes.

They always look like they're about to cry or shit themselves.

I'd be wary, firstly from a safety perspective, and secondly because I think that many enjoy any reaction they can get.

After reading the other thread, I do feel the need to do something though.

I have decided that I'll react to the 'compliments' with a look of concern and "women don't like that, it's rude". I will react to the more aggressive comments, when safe to do so by getting my phone out and taking a photo, then continuing on my way.

Sadly, most of the time, by the time I have realised what is happening it's too late to do anything other than silently rage

When cat-called from a building site I always take the trouble to phone the company in question for a chat about it.

It's a good idea to respond with something to at least embarass them back, especially if they're with someone.

Once I was passing a group of young lands one of whom called out "lovely legs" or something can't remember but I happened to be pregnant at the time (but not so you could tell unless in profile)
So I turned back to him and said

"I'm pregnant. What is WRONG with you?!" and suitable embarassment followed.

I have spoken out before, like in response to "smile love" once I said
"Well your face isn't exactly a picture either"
Or I've death-stared them.

I totally agree with WiseOldHag that you should always report builders working on construction sites. I work in the construction industry and the larger companies (members of the Considerate Construction Scheme) have clamped down on this hard. Most will have a policy of sending offenders off site straight away. I have made it known that if any of the people working for us are caught doing this they will be going straight home.

If you have the time and can face it, just go straight to the site office to make your complaint and it should be dealt with straight away. If you encounter any reticence to deal with it, just take names and complain in writing.

Thing is you don't know how they're going to react. I would be cautious with this approach. Not to say don't do it, but, you might get verbal or even physical abuse back and you can't tell by looking which are the dangerous ones (which of course benefits the non dangerous ones as well as they rarely get comeback, as most women have learnt not to).

Also to many of them any reaction is a good thing, they like upset, they like anger. Some of them, if you ignore them, that's when they get angry. Whole thing is a bit of a minefield really.

I went with not reacting at all when I was young (doesn't happen now Thank Fuck it's like freedom, finally!!!).

With builders, calling the firm is a good idea.

By my mid-twenties, I caught on to something about builder and roadworks catcallers, and it proved very handy knowledge:They're cowardly. They've not got the same courage to mouth off to your face, and more likely to shout comments if you're further away, across the road. But especially so if they notice you crossing the road to avoid them. I took to doing the opposite: I'd look at them and cross the road towards them, and rather than give a wide berth, walk right alongside them, no attempt to avoid eye contact, and suddenly, these big tough men who looked poised to do some manly commenting, had nothing to say.

I always yawp back 'sorry?' - if they have the nerve to repeat it I shout 'sorry?' They usually resort to calling me a fat cunt or something after about 5 rounds of 'sorry?' I should probably not do it and ignore but I like the small buzz of superiority I feel - I don't get that very often

I've tried both approaches and in almost all cases where I've challenged, the main catcaller of the group is shamed by his mates. Example I was asked "alright, darling...?" by a teenager (I was 40!) who was with his friend. I told him I wasn't his darling and not to be so disrepectful. His friend fell about laughing.

Similar thing happened to a van man passenger who was told off by the driver for being an idiot when I told him to F-off.

My best ever comeback was as a teenager and I had one of those rape alarms where you pull out the pin and it keeps beeping - really loud. A car full of young men pulled up alongside me and started to say stuff. So I pulled the pin and threw the alarm into the car. They had to pull over so they could find it and chuck it out - by that time I had run away. I realise I had seriously put myself in danger as they were so angry - but then, so was I.

in fact setting off a rape alarm whenever you are catcalled might be a good idea. That will scare them and make everyone turn to look.

Holla Back is a website where people post the pictures of cat callers, wankers, and other street creeps. You whip out your phone and most catcallers run away fast.

another I have observed that too. I also notice the comment generally comes after you have started passing them rather than as you walk towards them so they minimise the chances of having to deal with a response or a look from you after they've delivered their comment. It's so cowardly. They don't like it at all if you turn around and start coming back...

I go closer to them and slower. We are used to hurrying on past out of their range and they rely on that. They don't actually like it if they can see they are going to remain in responding range for longer.

Set off a rape alarm? Phone their boss?

Walk back to them and tell them in no uncertain terms to shut the fuck up.

What will happen is their friends will take the piss out of them. That's it. They won't punch you in broad daylight.

One tactic I've only had the presence of mind to use once (and which left me shaking afterwards) was to put on my sweetest smile and say "sorry?", as if I just genuinely hadn't heard them. If they say "oh, er, nothing" - you say "no, go on, what?" with a friendly laugh like it's some joke between you.

And then do it again as if you completely don't get it, can't hear them or whatever. Once you make them say it "normally" it becomes really really weird for them and you can almost see the shame.

Toss and Mayhaps I'm also a fan of asking them to repeat themselves over and over again.

I've also been known once or twice to stop in the street and yell at the top of my voice:

"Excuse me, everybody, can I have your attention, please? Can everyone just take a second to take a good look at this man - he likes to say disgusting things to women he doesn't know when they walk past him!"

Did that at a train station once and everyone booed him - v.embarrassing for him then to have to stand there and continue waiting for his train.

I do only do those things when I'm somewhere fairly busy, though.

Would't feel confident enough to risk it if it was a quiet street.

Def report contractors or people with company names on their clothes. Most companies take this very seriously now.

I don't get cat calls other than from moving vehicles in which case I can't do anything or on nights out when then they tend to be drunk and unpredictable so I can't do anything. Not sure what I'd do anyway tbh.

If you do want a retort, one thing I read on here ages ago which made me laugh was to yell out your own catcall:

"Oi, dreamboat!"

"No, not you shipwreck!"

Oh that's brilliant, ShotsFired 😂 I definitely hope that one day I have the confidence to do that!!

I like yours too, ladybee

I once got called a MILF by a bunch of teenagers and I just reacted without really thinking about it. I looked at them really disgustedly and shaking my head said "I'm with my children" in a 'what's wrong with you' kind of way, and they all did go quiet and look shamed.

I find most cat calls these days tend to be from moving vehicles so no time to respond, and all the builders/road workers I've come across recently seem to actually just be rather pleasant and have a smile/nod of the head/ good morning if anything, which is just normal for most people you pass in my area.

Now I am older and more confident I am definitely more likely to challenge cat calling especially in front of my daughter. I was a 'keep your head down and walk hurredly past' teen too but not anymore!!

I'd report them to their company. Should be easy enough to find out who they're working for by the vans/emblazoned hi vis or by knocking on the door of the building/entering reception.

The type who do this will rarely be phased by an angry reaction.

Or you could go and buy some eggs...