Saying no to sex and broadband - blog about women's socialization and victim blaming (title edited by MNHQ at OP's request)

[QuentinSummers]

Great blog here. I love Jessica Eaton, she's so clever at explaining stuff.

Just like the broadband-guy, who couldn’t take no for an answer, who persisted and made me feel embarrassed and harassed in the street – we have created a space where women can certainly try to say no, but it doesn’t mean anything. That’s why #metoo went viral. That’s why millions of women identified with it. That’s why hundreds of women have been sexually harassed in Hollywood.

victimfocus.wordpress.com/2018/02/15/from-broadband-to-sex-the-problem-with-teaching-women-to-just-say-no/amp/?__twitter_impression=true

Thanks Quentin. I nearly didn't bother to read as the title was a bit unappealing - I like sex and broadband - although not necessarily at the same time - anyway, glad I did read as I think this is spot on.

Ah sorry. I am crap at thread titles. Need to learn how to do them better!

Bump

I read this yesterday and its brilliant, it encapsulates so much of what I couldn't express. Loving Jessica Eaton's twitter.

She's very good isn't she. Agree the solution is to teach men how to hear the word 'no', not teach women to say it.

Is the bit about the man selling broadband simply meant to be some sort of metaphor? We are not meant to take that part at literal face value?

Because if we are , then I'm a bit puzzled. I don't think I've ever been approached in the street by someone selling broadband but chuggers/pollsters/ market research/people trying to sell me something/ - yes (possibly broadband I wouldn't have wasted time finding out)

And no, I don't go through any of the mortification she lists. A simple- "not interested" and carry on walking is all that is needed. The rest of her article fine - but the broadband guy- no?

If it is a metaphor - it is a pointless distraction before the rest of the article; if it isn't a metaphor- she could try behaving like a grown-up not a silly child.

Ouch lass
I thought it was clever.

So it's being "a silly child" to fall back on patterns of socialisation and phrases that women believe may keep them safe and avoid angering a persistent man? Sounds a lot like victim-blaming to me.

I agree that men need to learn hear a refusal better.

I used to live somewhere you could hardly pop out for a pint of milk without someone (often a large man or a group of men) physically blocking your path and trying to sell you something (don't know about broadband in particular but definitely other utilities among other things) It was genuinely intimidating at times and the metaphor rang rather true for me.

So it's being "a silly child" to fall back on patterns of socialisation and phrases that women believe may keep them safe and avoid angering a persistent man? Sounds a lot like victim-blaming to me

Oh I knew victim blaming would come up. The behaviour she describes in relation to someone trying to sell her something on the street is ridiculous. I read it several times trying to work out if it was a metaphor. A simple - "don't have time" kills it dead and carry on walking. Why waste any time engaging?