Responding to Bouledeneige....
- why do we refer to gender assigned at birth? (eg. Stonewall's glossary).
I think it's because being trans is almost certainly like being heterosexual; it's what you are you didn't make a choice to be that way and thus it can be argued that you were assigned something that you weren't at birth.
Isn't the sex of a child not just based on genitalia but also on our DNA.....
Your sex isn't determined by your chromosomes at birth though is it? It's determined by someone making a judgement, which in 99.7% of cases is right, based on what they see at birth. No one has their chromosomes tested to check. I would agree that probably most transgender people also have the chromosomes that would confirm the assignment at birth, but some won't. I know a very interesting case of a transwomen who appeared very masculine before transitioning, but on taking hormones developed a lump in her abdomen that turned out to be vestigial fallopian tube; she had no idea that she didn't have the conventional set of male chromosomes before that.
- Why is CIS gender used as a term of abuse directed towards women?.....
I think CIS is problematic, but it's very hard to get your head around what terms to use if you want to start distinguishing those 'at birth' assignments. I'm not in favour of it, but I think from my limited knowledge, trans people (though perhaps not some trans activists) never intended it to be a derogatory term, just a way of distinguishing.
- the research posted earlier is interesting defining 3 distinct groups of trans people......
I'm not sure it's as clear cut as 3 distinct groups and I think people's dysphoria changes over time. Transhobbit talked about a dissonance, which I think is right, but that dissonance can also grow over time and you can reach a point where you have to take action; I know of very few trans people who have not been close to suicide at some point in their life. The simple presence of the internet and the ability to find out you are not alone and discuss the feelings and issues is I'm sure making a huge difference to how people deal with it. It is probably mostly positive, but there is also a danger that vulnerable people may be led on.
Can anyone explain these things to me further?....
So I hope that helps. And yes, I am speaking from experience and I am transgender and have had gender reassignment surgery (male to female). However, I am very much not a transgender activist (and I would put most trans people in the same camp as me there, just like gay folk).
My gender dysphoria increased over my life and reached a peak after my second child was born. It was almost like my mind said that once I'd had children (which I desperately wanted), there was no need to continue in the male body that I found so hard to live with. My then wife had known since before we were married, neither of us expected me to end up transitioning and it was the hardest decision of my life and one I agonised over in increasing bouts of depression for several years. She also agreed that it was the only sensible course of action, and stood by me but eventually moved on; she is another relationship and we get on very well; I don't begrudge her that.
I live a full busy life, looking after my children, playing in bands and running my own business. It took me about 3 years to really relax, which is probably also because it takes that long for hormones etc to deliver the final result in regard to appearance and I now exist in a world where only those who knew me before (or by association) know that I am trans. I have attempted to date men and women; I can easily go for several dates without my prospective partner knowing that I am trans. I'm not at all sexually driven, but I do crave the affection and companionship of a partner. Only one man has ever come close to accepting me (we had a short relationship until he came to play in a band with me and couldn't handle the fact that some of the others knew my past). All the women I have just ended up being friends with, which I enjoy. My circle of friends is mostly similarly aged women most, but not all, know my past and are very happy to socialise with me.
Being genuinely trans is hard; I would not wish it on anyone. It's not only hard to live with, it's also impossible to explain, but I hope I've helped.