Work nonsense

[DragonNoodleCake]

Walked into a meeting that was rescheduled to be in an office far too small for the number of invitees, 5 managers (white males between 40 and 60 yo) sitting, one says to me 'I'd offer you a seat but I'd just be accused of being sexist' lots of laughing ensued.
I just said I don't need a seat thanks (internally thinking, you are sexiest that's why)
Then he came out with an unprovoked 'I feel like I need to apologise for being a white man'
I just said 'I guess that's the problem then, you don't need to apologise for being a white man you just need to recognise you are privileged and challenge inequality'
'I don't feel privileged- I need to apologise for being born now'
'No you don't need to apologise for being born, you just need to apologise for what you've done since'
That last one went right over his (and the rest of the men in the rooms head) and I just sighed
1 minute later, the MD (white man) and he offered him his seat, to the hilarity of the whole room.

All this is passed off as banter, this is how it's ingrained in our society and I feel exhausted.

Luckily they closing site in a few months, and I'll be well rid. I just wish I knew I won't encounter this in the next job, but sadly I will.
I'd challenge it, but it's been done before and put down to banter (and I selfishly want my payoff)
FYI I am also a manager so their peer apparently

It isn't banter though, it's essentially attempting to bully you by creating a hostile atmosphere. If you phrased it like that to HR (assuming you have HR?) would they ignore it and minimise it?

Sorry you had to deal with that bollocks at work.

Ugh, how tiring

Yeah, that's pretty fucking shitty OP. Haven't had to cope with that kind of office crap since being medically retired, but I really don't miss it.

If you're HR department is worth its salt, perhaps you could have an 'off the record' chat with them? Whatever you do or don't, solidarity.

Then he came out with an unprovoked 'I feel like I need to apologise for being a white man'

He does need to apologize for being an irritating little wanker who thought it would be funny to try to get a rise out of a female colleague when he was meant to be working, though. Good that you'll be shot of him soon, but maybe worth bringing this kind of behavior up to their boss (can't second the suggestion of going to HR, in my experience they're more likely to label women who complain as troublemakers and retaliate in sneaky ways than do anything useful).

That's infuriating OP.

I reckon when he said 'I feel I should apologise for being a white man' what he really meant, deep down, was 'I feel I should apologise because I realise I've just been a total dick' but because misogynists are in the habit of projecting their negative feelings on handy women he then blamed you for 'making' him feel guilty

you don't need to apologise for being born you need to apologise for what you've done since

Stealing this line it's brilliant! You're wasted on this bunch of muppets.

@AngryAttackKittens

"He does need to apologize for being an irritating little wanker [...]"

This, totally!

In my experience 'banter' is always just a way to make others feel really shit. I am sorry you work with such sexist cockwombles.

I’m sorry you work with a bunch of wankers. I am in awe of your beautifully phrased comebacks. I’d probably have stood there gobsmacked and then not listened through the entire meeting, secretly seething over what I could have and should have said. I wish I could be more like you OP.

Urgh. I really hate low level wankery like this. You come out of it feeling like shit because some trombone has set out to make you feel like that, and then you feel worse because you wonder if you over reacted..,

Your comebacks were brilliant, though! Take solace in that.

I have zero faith in any HR department I've ever had experience of to be helpful in this kind of situation. People seem to have some kind of touching faith that they're there to help the workers - they're not. They're there to keep you in order and being productive for the company. A union is what you need (though again, in my industry they're completely toothless). Depressing.

Anyway, fingers crossed you can sail through to the site closure, and maybe things will be different at the new place. Good luck.

It's funny how feminists are accused of wanting the best of both worlds, isn't it? These guys seem to have got just that -they work in a sexist company where it's still the mediocre men who reach the top, but they no longer have to practise benevolent sexism like giving up seats because "that would be sexist."

The best bit moofolk was that he didn't get the undertone of 'you need to apologise for being a total cockwombling wanker' in it. I felt a little better then and had in internal smirk to myself.

Top bantz! How utterly tiresome. Whether you make a complaint or keep running up that hill for another few months- good luck and solidarity to you

Ah, banter; hilarious banter; you can say anything if it's banter!

Except if you're a woman and you call a guy a fucking prick. That's not banter. Apparently.

for you OP