What would it mean to you "to live in the acquired gender" or as the opposite sex?

[MarSeeAh]

I plan to go and speak to my MSP next week and have been thinking about what questions I can ask him and how best to get my point over. I thought I could ask him what changes he would have to make "to live as a woman".

Then I started to wonder what changes I would have to make "to live as a man".

Not many. Even if I go along with the stereotypes of "presenting" as male, there's not much to do. Today, at work as Parish Minister, I am wearing Docs, jeans, vest top, sweatshirt and scarf. When I was out earlier, I wore an anorak which was originally my uncle's. I don't wear make-up or perfume, I don't wear any jewellery, and my haircut is more common for men than it is for women.

I work in a profession with pay scales which are agreed annually, published and are the same for men and women, so I wouldn't be able to demand extra pay as a man.

I am single, so wouldn't have the problems associated with telling a partner or spouse that I'd changed! Although, so far, I'm not sure that they'd notice anyway unless I told them!

Hmmm....

What would change?

I would pay less for a haircut.

Would I get my state pension at a different age? I think I should receive that when I'm 67 or 68. Occupational pension - no difference.

To be honest, I would have to change more if I were to try to live according to sexist stereotypes of what a woman is.

Anyone else? What would you have to change?

I'm not changing anything - I'm a man therefore have the sheer bollocks to just claim I'm "broadening the bandwidth of being Male"

I want a functioning penis. Don’t care about the sex thing. I’d just like the convenience of being able to stand up to pee.

I don’t think I could ‘pass’ as a man. I’ve got wobbly bits in all the wrong places.

Mine would be primarily appearance or quite shallow things really. Honestly if there was some kind of 'trans assessment' by the trans lobby with their ridiculous views of what makes someone a woman I'd probably overall come out as a man in a dress

Things I'd need to change:

• Clothes to 'man clothes' as I do tend to wear relatively feminine clothes
• Stop wearing make up and cut hair, though technically what I'm sporting at the moment is basically a 'man bun'
• Tell DH he is now married to a man. He'd be bemused but I suspect wouldn't care as not much would be different
• Stop caring as much about women's rights
• Stop volunteering for Cats Protection and volunteer at Dogs Trust
• Hobbies: stop crafting and start cycling(?)

Things I Wouldn't Need to Change:

• Career: I'm a freelance management consultant in the City
• Pay: I get paid pretty well and as I'm freelance I set my own rates. I earn 5 x DH's salary
• Share of housework: I'm lazy and DH does a fair share, I do all of the finances and DH doesn't really want to know the details
• DC primary carer: DH will be the SAHP when we have DC
• Car/Driving: I'm a fast driver and like cars that go fast. I hate being overtaken.
• Unemotional/logical outlook: I cry rarely and less than DH does. I'm very logical in my thinking
• Drive/confidence/outspokenness: I have these and apparently shouldn't as a woman
• Not caring what other people think: as above
• Material assets: I own our home and car

And I don't move out of the way of men when walking through the City

Oh...my name. I have a girly first name. But not my surname as both DH & I double-barrelled to take each other's name.

So basically clothes, make up, tits, sewing and cats are all that determine me as a Davina not my real name rather than a Dave

I work in a profession with pay scales which are agreed annually, published and are the same for men and women, so I wouldn't be able to demand extra pay as a man.

I think you should, as if you identify as a man you should also identify as school pals/retreat pals with all of those men who knew when they were 18 or even younger that they were going to be ministers (at which point I'm assuming you may not even have been allowed to be a minister, or at least having no or few role models) - hence stepping on the career ladder earlier, getting preferential treatment from their mates. Also you would have had a wee wifie in the manse who would have baked cakes for the parish and the moderator, again pushing you up the career ladder.

So you should demand to be treated as if you had always been male and hence were now earning a higher salary, and in a better position career wise.

Interestingly for me I was raised by a feminist and she was a single Mum for most of my formative years so I suspect I haven't had the same degree of socialisation to be a 'woman' as a lot of people...

Insofar as the law goes, "living in your acquired gender" just means "tell all officialdom you're a woman/man now". It means getting a statutory name change declaration done, getting the name on your bank account changed, getting your bill accounts changed, applying for jobs in your new gender, etc etc. Then prove to TPTB that you've been doing that for two years.

It doesn't really have anything to do with actual behaviour.

How does it work with a unisex name, I wonder?

How does Sam prove that Sam is no longer Sam🚹 but now Sam🚺?

What I'd have to change:

I'd get to do (even) fewer of the school runs.
I'd have to change the topic of my PhD (in retrospect) as it's a bit girly and "applied". I should have included more machines and more sums.
I'd have to put up with itchy dry skin because it's not manly to care about moisturising.
I'd get to do less cooking, but I wouldn't have to do less tidying up as
I wouldn't get told/wouldn't have been told when younger that men don't like bright women/not to argue/to suffer fools.
I would have to change my style of dress too.
And I'd be a much faster/more powerful cyclist (yay!).
I would also not have to have hormonal contraceptive, miscarriages, periods, the menopause. I'd love to arrange that.

My friend Trev is a stay at home single dad. He does laundry and feeds the birds and looks after the kids just the same as me. He wears jeans, shirt and jumper like me.

He goes to the pub in the evening (not all nights now he is single) and makes really bad jokes and obsesses about his old car. I could try that?

Has that always been the case Lang?

Unsure. My own friend had a bit of a nightmare with it but that was a long time ago and kinda spanned pre- and post- GRA (she's been out as trans since the early 90s).

But AFAIK, it's basically bureaucratic changes that define "living in the acquired gender" now. Perhaps Transhobbit or Pidgeon or Curry could confirm if they see this? (TIA!)

I made a complaint regarding poor service recently to a service I'm paying quite a lot of money to per month. I called them out for being transphobic because they called me Mam, as in the Queen and I'm being respectful. Feck that shit! My real name is female, I was born female, I remain the sex denoted on my birth certificate, and have given birth, because I saw each of those three babies emerge from my vagina, and felt the bloody pain of them as well. I've been pregnant six times in my life and have had to endure endless operations which involved a gynaecologist.

I called them out for transphobia because I said I self identified now as a man and I would not be treated in such a way if I was male. i.e. being called Mam. Or Marm. Or whatever.

FTS. I'm paying for a service and don't expect such a response.

I've now not self identified as male and am back to being my calm and respectful and non hysterical female self.

I would spend all my time swimming

I love swimming but hate having to remove all the hair from my body in case it offends someone. I know other women do it for themselves - but I basically make my body conform to social niceties because I have to.

The liberation of just putting on a pair of shorts and jumping in the water with leg hair, underarm hair, pubic hair and no one caring.

The boobs and hips might give it away.

Actually considering the hoo ha that happens when ladies breastfeed, can I go swimming topless and say my boobs are man boobs and totally acceptable.

As far as I am concerned, for the purposes of the GRA, it means living as a typical woman. I think this is fair enough. It is about blending in, because only through dress, body language and speech can men even begin to be regarded as a woman (given that their biology, build and experience of life will otherwise inevitably be that of a man). Of course the variety of ways of women dress, speak and act is as wide as you can imagine, but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t norms that we all recognise as being typical and which are distinct from the norms of being men.

To be a stereotypical man! Good question!
Change: hair, earings, boobs, lack of height and strength, periods and peri menopause (yay), pmt (yay) period related spots and migraines (yy), twat at autotyres would not have called me sweetie today, not be the default child care person, be able to work full time, not care about other people so much, not help with girl guides, not care about women's rights or be fearful for my daughter. Not be default family organiser. Not be able to flirt with men to get What I want 😳.
Don't need to change: make up, lots of my clothes, lots of my hobbies, interest in politics, economics, science. Also seem to be making progress with beard growth.

See grass I wouldn't have to change my hair removal patterns for swimming (though I would have to change my swimsuit), but I'd have to change my not-barging-in-front-of-other-swimmers habits.

Sorry sittin you can be a Unit Helper at Guides still.

I would go straight out and buy a packet of 'Just for Men' (I have always wondered if it doesn't work on women's hair....)

Sit with your legs spread wide when on public transport and start 'mansplaining'.

As far as I am concerned, for the purposes of the GRA, it means living as a typical woman. I think this is fair enough. It is about blending in, because only through dress, body language and speech can men even begin to be regarded as a woman (given that their biology, build and experience of life will otherwise inevitably be that of a man). Of course the variety of ways of women dress, speak and act is as wide as you can imagine, but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t norms that we all recognise as being typical and which are distinct from the norms of being men.

@PaleBlueMoonlight I think you've inadvertently proved my point here.

I'm not convinced that anyone, male or female, who dressed according to the norms, whatever they might be in that particular place at that particular time, of the opposite sex, would ever really "blend in".

I, and quite a few others on this thread, "present" ourselves in accordance with the "norms" broadly associated with men, and yet, I suspect many of us simply look to the casual onlooker as a woman wearing jeans/with short hair/no make-up, trainers ...