So bloody fed up

[RagingWoman]

Have had a few mutterings on my FB when I post slightly feminist things. I have a lot of left wing and/or gay male friends and theyre generally great to hang out with and politically we agree on most stuff. Many were pretty vocal about #metoo, publicly condemning all the men who harass, assault, whistle, etc

So i posted this, urging my female friends to read it and educate themselves about what we stand to lose under GRA reform. I also said, if this makes me a bigot, just defriend me now.

Within 10mins, a friend posted on his timeline how it feels to see a "seemingly intelligent" woman bashing transrights in favour of womens rights. A mutual friend agreed. Didnt have the guts to name me or contact me directly. The mutual friend i have known for 10yrs, we have holidayed together with my family, he's been like a brother to me (he's gay btw), we talked about the GRA in person last year and he was concerned too (he's not in the UK). Now he thinks Im a terf, because another man has declared it to be so.

I defriended them both in anger. I wont initiate contact with them. And its going to cause me problems in several friendship groups. But Im not being fucking silenced with #notadebate

So very sad and fed up now. DH is on my side, totally. But I love my friends and how they enhance my life and simply cant believe they think this little of me, my morals, my beliefs and my femaleness.

how it feels to see a "seemingly intelligent" woman bashing transrights in favour of womens rights

Id have responded 'yes well I am a woman. Hope that helps'.

That is hurtful, RW, but you have to do what you have to do

It was the fact that so many 'seemingly intelligent' women were getting bothered about this that made me read into it, realise what the implications were, and change my opinion from the default liberal view. I wonder why your friend hasn't done that, OP. Either too sold on not being "transphobic" or not enough respect for intelligent women to listen to them, I suppose. Do you know what his views on Rachel Dolezal are?

'Within 10mins, a friend posted on his timeline how it feels to see a "seemingly intelligent" woman bashing transrights in favour of womens rights'

He obviously hasn't got a clue. Bloody well done for having your say. That was a brave thing to post. We have to challenge this Emperor's new clothes nonsense. I'm sure many people secretly feel the same as we do but are to scared to say so for fear of being screamed at and called bigots

I was very heartened indeed to read on another thread that apparently India Willoughby is coming across TERRIBLY in the Big Brother House right now. Good stuff

Absolutely, Collida, and I was another who had the default liberal view and had recently been advocating for a small accommodation for trans people at work. I’d still advocate for the latter actually, but have changed my views on the bigger picture.

I dont know specifically about his Rachel views but I would never have suspected him of how he's turned out to be. Guess you cant ever take the white male privilege out of a guy, no matter how gay, alternative, socialist or in touch with his feminie side he is

You never know, he may be contacting you before long to say he’s had a bit of a rethink, and soz

yes, it may just be that they haven't peaked yet, maybe post them some links

Within 10mins, a friend posted on his timeline how it feels to see a "seemingly intelligent" woman bashing transrights in favour of womens rights

Thats a nasty, passive aggressive response.
On the upside he's admitted there's a conflict of rights, and that he expects women to STFU and defer to the menz without debate.
So at least you now know he's a screaming misogynist pretending to be left wing for cookies and kudos.

You posted something you knew was divisive and even knew you'd be called a bigot and now you're annoyed when people think you are a bigot.

Seems like it had the desired affect.

I’d probably have hit back with “well that was a typically PA patriarchal response. Woman says something you don’t like, you tell woman she’s stupid. And you wonder why all this is needed????”

Ha! Fat chance

glitched Have you read the blog i posted?? It isnt divisive. But I know that some people are offended by weird stuff and i have a huge criss section of FB friends. I was trying to avoid them getting into a public slanging match on my page so asked them just to defriend me. What saddens me is that one of my dearest male friends has not said anything, not given an opinion but has sheep-like agreed with the passive aggressive stuff that another friend wrote on their own wall about me.

Great article, I’ve put it on my Facebook and Twitter.
Number of fucks given if I offend anyone? None.

I don't think I could have resisted posting (before deleting them) that friend b had no trouble agreeing with you in private, when their SJW-cred wasn't at risk...

Facebook is a good way to find out what people really think.

I’ve lost several friends over this. Virtually all lefty wanker males who have defriended me or who have done similar and passive aggressively posted some pro trans shit further to me posting something gender critical and thus been defriended by me. Plus a couple of handmaidens. I’ve also definitely had a couple of female friends cool on me. I don’t care though. It’s important we speak out and well done to you for doing so, we are only standing up for our rights.

Ok, I have deliberately not read the thread.

Although I am completely with you on the trans stuff, social media is not the place to discuss it someone you love. It's complex, difficult, multi layered and needs a lot of time to understand. And it's very easy to see people as bigoted in this.

I have peaktransed a few of my friends, and this Christmas, most of my family, but to be fair, many of my family were almost there.

It took me the best part of a year to persuade my husband, who is a lovely, kind, highly politically aware, left of centre and liberally minded man. He really didn't think that it was as bad is it is. We have had some pretty full on arguments about it. He is either on board now (or I have browbeaten him into submission / or he is humouring me)

If you want to continue to be friends with your friend, my advice is to read the threads about contacting MPs etc, so that you know the arguments inside out, print off relevant literature such as the Sages factsheet, then ask him to meet you.

Tell him you are sorry for upsetting him and ask him to give you 30 minutes to talk about it interrupted and then open a bottle of wine and discuss

It's not easy

xx

What I can't understand is why seemingly intelligent people immediately assume that long time friends have suddenly become right wing/bigoted/homophobic/etc etc, than exercise some critical thinking. And in my experience left wing men are the worst.

I've been dabbling in online dating. I just walked out on a bloke I met for a date on Friday. We got into a discussion and he just launched into some mansplaining shit, ineptly tangling a load of terms and coming up with the notion of anything gender critical as "Tory" or "fascist". I just thought, fuck this, I can't stand these men. Simpering thickos.

Yes gacapa exactly! Over 10 years we have had some frank discussions. He doesnt live in this country so when we meet it is for 2-3 days together (with others sometimes). I told him my fears about self IDing last April and he expressed concern that it was a bit of a runaway train and it was horrific about transmen raping women in prison etc. So for him to agree with our mutual friend that I was bashing trans etc was really shocking. How could he think Id become this fascist transphobe overnight?? The mutual friend is Canadian and sees no issues there no that theyve already passed their GRA bill equivalent. So he's a lost cause unfortunately.

To be honest I dont want to talk to my friend about this as I am too hurt. He would listen and agree and then tell me I shouldn't say anything (including non-offensive facts) in public for fear of offending the TRAs. I can see now that he just wants a quiet life and is horrified that associating with me will lose him a lot of friends.

I have the info, and have discussed it with a few people in person who were immediately (genuinely) appalled at the GRA implications. One woman said "you can sensitise and feminise men all you like but that male privilege runs through their DNA - much like the fucking XX runs through mine!