I looked at their photography project on that page and this really jumped out at me. How very very sad. The way that her parents only accepted her after she transitioned and that she’s glad she can be sterilised so the line of abuse stops. It’s so awful, that poor woman. I’m pleased she’s found somewhere she feels safe, but I can’t gelp but feel there’s a strong ‘born again’ element to it.
"I first realised that I didn't want to be me - that I wanted a different body - age seven, but I didn't really think about it deeply until later. Then, four years later, I didn't want to be me - a different family, a home not full of yelling, abuse - again. Often times, if I see narratives of trans and NB people where there is abuse or family dysfunction, the abuse is connected to that person being trans/NB. The family reject their identity. My parents accept my identity completely - name, clothing, new pronouns, support and friendly jokes every now and then. Too bad they will never accept me as a person with autonomy. My parents were abusive Just Because. Their own parents were awful and so were they. But the line ends with me - thank god sterilisation is covered by the GIC.
I do not talk about the abuse for many reasons, but another brick in the wall is this: I do not fit the narrative. My parents say they love me, they support me (with limitations and intrusive, constant phone calls) and they accept this not cis me. But they were also awful people. To the onlooker, it is like I have a perfect family that accepts me and yet I have to struggle to explain summers and holidays in Manchester, scurrying back after a week spent stressed and near tears. If they did not accept me, I could be righteously indignant, explain away my need for counselling appointments. Instead, I am left in a purgatory, neither here not there hell, understanding my parents pain of alcoholic mothers and aloof sexist fathers, for I have felt similar, but also not forgiving them for the pain they caused me. That they accept me almost adds insult to injury: I cannot bring myself to push them away because I understand; them accepting this changed me, saying they love me, twists the knife. If there is a brick wall holding back why I do not talk about my family, let the mortar between them be guilt."
Anonymous