'Got herself pregnant' - WIBU?

[WashingMatilda]

A man said this to me today at work about his stepdaughter.
I very quickly answered
'You can't get yourself pregnant, just want to say that', kind of light hearted and laughing slightly but quite clearly being serious as well IYSWIM.

When we left and I asked my male colleague if I was being unreasonable in pointing it out he said he didn't see the big deal and it's 'Just something people say'

I just feel like it's said to put all the blame on women, like they're prowling around waiting for innocent men to impregnate them, with no input at all from a man.

But now I feel like IABU??

Saying women / girls "get themselves pregnant" is ridiculous, obviously.

It's only used when the person saying it disapproves of the pregnancy for whatever reason. Otherwise it's "so and so is having a baby" or "x and y are having a baby". Which is also weird as it shows that using the word pregnant in this context is supposed to be offensive/not nice somehow.... I guess saying someone is pregnant makes it about them, but saying someone is having a baby makes it about a baby?

Anyway you weren't being unreasonable.

I've heard this saying from the older generation. It's not meant literal like she got herself pregnant it's meant in a way that states she's gone and got pregnant that's all.

What is said to men who have unintentionally made a woman pregnant? Mind is drawing a blank.

Daft, isn't it?

The phrases "She's pregnant" or "She's going to have a baby" are neutral.

"She got herself pregnant" is loaded with judgement of either deliberately trying to ensnare some hapless bloke and/or being too stupid to take contraception reliably. It also seems to be code for the father not going to be involved, which of course is her fault, not his.

To a man I would say he got her pregnant ?

I don’t know how I feel about this. If you don’t want a baby it is YOUR responsibility to avoid it. No matter what your partner says and does. For both men and women.

Saying that I’ve never said a woman “got themselves” pregnant. More like let him get her pregnant or Lee herself get pregnant.

The only situation I’ve really said this in was a family member - male - who managed to conceive twins with someone he barely knew.

I did judge. I judged even more when he refused to have anything to do with them.

What is said to men who have unintentionally made a woman pregnant?

He's gone and knocked X up / He's gone and knocked (nasty words for women who have sex) up

The woman is still in the picture as well as the man, whereas the other way round the man is completely inivisibleised

I don't think "she's pregnant" is that neutral

the "nice" way to say it is "she's having a baby"

It occurs to me that "pregnant" is itself a bit of a loaded / "impolite" word

Why do you think the word pregnant is loaded or impolite, Up?

Because the woman may still choose to terminate the pregnancy, is that it?

I suppose "She's having a baby" conveys the intention to continue with the pregnancy. Although those words aren't quite right either. "She's having a baby" could mean she is delivering a baby imminently.

There are likely going to be regional variations in use of language as well

I have heard got herself pregnant and he's knocked her up quite a lot.

I wonder if it's to do with women's natural biological functions being considered rather disgusting.

Or to do with it being more directly linked to the act of sex which also historically is insulting for women - we're not supposed to do sex / like sex / want sex etc

"She got herself pregnant" is loaded with judgement of either deliberately trying to ensnare some hapless bloke and/or being too stupid to take contraception reliably. It also seems to be code for the father not going to be involved, which of course is her fault, not his

Yup, term is loaded with judgement.

Another along the same lines that I really really hate is when people are discussing people who are not well off and suddenly having a baby becomes 'breeding'.

YY breeding is incredibly dehumanising.

The word "breeder" is usually applied to women as well which adds an extra something.

People breed animals. The ones who use this term pretend it's "factual".

Ugh breeder is the worst.

For men though it is slightly different, because they actually can get someone else pregnant, in a way obviously women can't.
'Knocked up' is used more as a derogatory term used towards women I think

What was the context?

Tbh I can imagine if I had a daughter about to start university or a fantastic new job who unexpectedly and inconveniently became pregnant saying in exasperation something like well would you believe it she's just gone and got herself pregnant.

YANBU it's a ridiculous phrase. Always makes me think of the immaculate conception (and come to think of it that phrase is quite misogynistic too. Conception with none of that unladylike sex shenanigans is immaculate!)

Pedant alert: the Immaculate conception is not the virgin birth. The immaculate conception is the conception of Mary herself, the only human to be conceived without the stain of original sin. Catholics lapsed or otherwise will confirm this with me :)

I mean, I'm an atheist and I couldn't care less, but I like to get the mythology right!

The theory is Mary had human 2 parents who created her in the normal way but at the point of conception god stepped in to free her from any taint of original sin. ( I have no idea how that worked)

Her status was therefore like Eve's before the Fall.

Jesus was incarnated not conceived.

I am not religious so I don't know. Always thought the immaculate conception referred to Jesus. So is the immaculate conception a Catholic belief?

i think i would have replied with "what? by herself?"

Yes it is a Catholic belief. It was incorporated into Dogma fairly recently but had been debated for centuries. This is fascinating in a how many angels can dance on a pin head way.

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Immaculate_Conception?wprov=sfla1

Like tiktok I am an atheist too - it is just a fact one picks up.

Quentin, yes. You might get the far end of the Anglican spectrum believing it, too, but it was (is?) part of basic Roman Catholic stuff.

And as it is now Dogma it must be true because of Papal infallibility.

UpABitLate, as someone who has had several miscarriages I far prefer "pregnant" (factually correct) to "having a baby" (not necessarily, other outcomes of pregnancy are possible).

Agree that " Got herself pregnant" has judgemental connotations, as does "knocked up". I loathe "fell pregnant" too - perhaps the word 'fall' sounds negative to me - like implying a pure, innocent woman has fallen from that virginal status and is now pregnant.
Maybe it's my upbringing, but that is how all those terms sounded. Unmarried women " got themselves pregnant" or had "fallen pregnant". Married women were "going to have a baby."
Men who "put it about" might have "knocked up" a woman. Women who " put it about" were "loose" or "no better than they should be".

When I was pregnant with DD, I just said I was pregnant, until she was delivered. As an older parent, I was aware of the risks, and if someone said "oh, you're having a baby?" my standard answer was, "Hopefully."

I know a lot of people will attribute the terms/language used to 'small talk', but to me, all these snippets of 'small talk' build up into a larger picture; one where women are somehow inferior. If nobody ever challenges it, these things become the norm.