Feel more like a babysitter than a partner

[esparadisimo]

DH and I have 2 DCs. I am self employed and don't have any colleagues as such. DH has plenty of colleagues and plenty of invites to different christmas functions and gatherings. At this time of year, I tend to just feel like a live in babysitter as DH enjoys himself with friends on different works and friends celebrations.
I myself have been out once with friends for our annual christmas meal, have had friends over to the house once and have been out with friends and DH once in December... so 3 things in total.
DH, will have been out 3evenings in 4 consecutive days (amongst many other christmas functions throughout December.)
I speak to friends and hear how them and their DH are having friends over/visiting friends together etc etc during the evenings before Christmas and mine are spent sat in the house alone whilst DH busies himself on many of his Christmas outings.
He just assumes I'm ok to stay in and do this as I guess it's what I usually do, but Id like the option to enjoy time spent with friends and/or DH, afterall it is christmas. I'd quite like to invite friends over to the house etc, but I don't have many and DH seems happy to be out of the house most evenings enjoying himself.
I'm feeling a bit used, under-valued and under-appreciated to be honest as its assumed im ok to sit in the house with DCs in bed. Surely christmas time should largely involve the 2 of us together in the evenings with friends if we choose or alone time together if not? DH is often so busy with work during the week, now that we've both taken time off for christmas, I don't understand why we're not enjoying this time together. I'm also quite envious of the time he's getting to socialise in comparison to myself. I don't want to have to start going out all the time purely to prove a point to him, but I don't want to feel like a live in babysitter whilst he has all the fun either.

Sorry op. It's a bit like that here, I'm pushed off today as the hangover appears to have scuppered his plans to get all the shopping. I feel like I have to keep life ticking over to accommodate his fun.

I can't stand him
With a hang over. Grumpy, monosyllabic, and the latest is playing constantly on a phone game ( he knows it's really antisocial and has deleted it a couple of times but it comes back)

To be fair, he always encourages me to go out, but I don't have the physical capacity and friends aren't out partying these days. I'd like to know when he'll calm down.

We'd similarly like friends over but it genuinely feel like we are constantly over whelmed with life, and then when he has a function. I do think he's calming a bit. But I'm extremely sensitive to it now.

I think you should keep a record of nights out and book your self as many evening spas, massages or regular evening classes to address the balance.

Sorry to hear you're struggling too. I blame gender imbalance, hence why ive posted here. I've also posted this under relationships because I'm inerested what the feminists will say as opposed to everyone else!
Women just don't have the time/energy/capacity to go out and play as much as some men do. It's a joke. Hardly reflective of an equal partnership. I sometimes just take myself off for a long drive in the car to clear my head, get some space and to make a point that I deserve time out too. The rest of my friends are busy at home too... so long car drives it is!

I'm also self-employed and I do think that not having work events to attend is unfortunately part of the territory, I don't think you can resent him for having colleagues to go out with.

However if he just automatically assumes you're ok to sit in the house and facilitate his fun time that isn't fair, you need equal going-out time. Have you told him how you feel and that you'd like him to "babysit" (using the term loosely as it's his own kids so not really babysitting!) sometimes so you can go out too?

It's absolutely gender imbalance.

I've spent a couple of years gradually pointing a few things out (I'm currently waiting to point out that I facilitate his career and rich social life but need to find the right context) and he does listen. His job is extremely sociable though.

He also comes from a family of boys and very traditional gender roles (though his mum isn't into pink fluff or make up etc) as well as a very old fashioned Christian upbringing. He's atheist but I've noticed how much certain values permeate without him realising. He'd call him self modern and certainly as soon as anything is pointed out attempts to review his views. Many arguments about washing up but actually in the end it seemed to be more him needing systems.

Some of it is that now that I'm part time he assumes I'll take on a much larger load - however I'm not really that part time as a great deal of work is done at home and small people take and make more work. Also, this doesn't wash as he was shit at doing housework when I worked 60 hours a week. I do wish I'd had mn then!!

The going out is simply never having really grown out of it after uni (and it was a long stint at uni) and also very many uni friends still living near by and in the same profession. And his profession.

I must say, I'm very grateful though of the fact that a few of his friends also have families and so tend to hold food related get togethers which is more inclusive and I enjoy. Perhaps that should be a way to start heading? It's usually around 2/3 on a sat afternoon and then we all head home around 8. Kids enjoy playing and watching films and adults can drink a bit and enjoy food and chat. It's become the only way one couple really socialise as they've 3 children and one is autistic so it's easier to have friends over.

Tell him you're making some plans and he will need to babysit.

Make some plans.

Carry them out.

I get that you're pissed off but you need to do something. if he has lots of stuff he gets invited to and you don't, then it's not surprising that you don't go out as much as him. If you don't want him to go to ALL the things, then you need to talk to him about that. If you want to do things yourself then you need to do that, make the arrangements.

If it's a general feeling of you want him to not go out so much and feel like he's taking advantage then you need to talk to him. If he says he wont' spend time with you instead (doing what though? - you probably need to do an actual thing) or says no to looking after kids when you go out then you've got a problem.