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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

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Original poster

"Women can be a bit funny and need to be told they are beautiful"

22 replies

Pringlemunchers · 21/12/2017 09:34

My dh has started a fairly new position within a large company. He now has about 80 staff, of which he responsible for.
The HR for the branch is on long term sick and the Head of HR visited yesterday. Spoke to my husband and said " Can I have a word about Mary? She is having a tough time at home at the moment. Could you have a word with her". He said of course , does she need to reduce her hours etc?
No ... the answer was from Head of HR "Women can be a bit funny sometimes and just need to be told they are beautiful and doing a good job!!!"WTAF

OP posts:

MaidOfStars · 21/12/2017 09:35

ColonelJackONeil · 21/12/2017 09:41

That's crazy. He's more likely to get done for sexual harassment if he talks that way to her. Being told she's doing a good job fine, but doesn't everyone like that not just women.

Annelind · 21/12/2017 09:41

DH should report this to HR!.....oh, wait......

AssassinatedBeauty · 21/12/2017 10:52

For fucks sake. The Head of HR? How do they not know how idiotic that is? It's so stupid to make sweeping generalisation about women, and it clearly shows the underlying beliefs about women that this pillock holds.

Can your DH have a look at his company policies and find out if he can report that to anyone other than HR?!

VerticalBlinds · 21/12/2017 11:52

Um what?

VerticalBlinds · 21/12/2017 11:54

This ties in with the "cheer up" thread also running in here, in that it seems this man also believes that

a. women have no internal life or real problems
b. all women live for attention from men

It's exactly the same. Woman seems a bit sad? A man should say something nice to her! That'll sort her right out!

Beltane18 · 21/12/2017 11:58

what?!! What did your DH say?

Original poster

Pringlemunchers · 21/12/2017 15:36

He was gobsmacked to be honest. He said he would give her a work review/appraisal , but it would be an honest one ( she is not quite up to speed). It is just unbelievable, isn't it. This is 2017 and we are still dealing with this she. Oh and Head of HR is a woman !!!

OP posts:

Bubbaleo · 22/12/2017 01:33

OP, is it at all possible she was joking? (Head of HR)

IcedCocoa · 22/12/2017 07:26

I wonder if she was joking or being sarcastic.
But I am not sure how a work review or appraisal will help, unless it comes with support.
And shouldn’t this be confidential and not for the internet? Any one of us could be ‘Mary’?

annandale · 22/12/2017 07:30

Yes I wondered if this was a woman speaking. I think most men would have something of a clue by now that this is not OK (even if they still do it). TBH I blush to think of some of the things I said when I was peripherally involved in HR a long time ago (without any training or aptitude I have to say). Sexism tends to persuade some people that being female means you are 'good with people' and being good with people means you should go into HR.

An appraisal sounds like a good idea, plus also perhaps a chat over a coffee with said Head of HR...

Original poster

Pringlemunchers · 22/12/2017 09:52

No unfortunately she was serious. When people assumed it was a man , there was a different attitude ! Now it's a woman , maybe she was just joking !! Maybe she was self projecting ,I don't know. It is still a completely ridiculous thing to say ( do you think she would of said this , if my DH was female ? )

OP posts:

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 22/12/2017 09:57

Someone at work, especially my senior, telling me I’m beautiful would make me feel beyond uncomfortable. I can barely stand it when DP says it.

I work in a school and when we have concerns about a member of staff (albeit safeguarding related not HR), we go to our head teacher. If we have an issue with our head, we go to the chair of governors. There must be somebody your DH can pass this on to.

I don’t think it makes the tiniest jot of difference whether they are a man or a woman! It’s not an appropriate thing to say.

IcedCocoa · 22/12/2017 10:02

Please leave it with the outrage. I posted having read the whole thread, so I haven’t changed my mind. Only your DH can clear this up by speaking with the HR director in question.
Who might read MN anyway, you never know. Maybe she can enlighten us as to what she meant.

Original poster

Pringlemunchers · 22/12/2017 10:24

Indeed anyone of us could have been 'Mary' IcedCocoa. If I was Mary, I would of appreciated a chat and maybe a leaflet to the staff support helpline. Not to be told I am beautiful by my Manager ! Nobody is putting 'Mary' down, just the bullshit from HR !

OP posts:

Mustang27 · 22/12/2017 11:06

Omfg!!! I dunno why I thought the hr head was a woman reading it but glad you confirmed it. Gender does not separate stupidity and doesn't really matter who said this, it's bonkers. I think the appraisal is a great idea but more put it to the employee in what support does she feels she needs I highly doubt anyone wants their boss to tell them they look good . Mary may actually be mortified if she knew hr was saying thus sort of tripe.

ColonelJackONeil · 22/12/2017 11:15

If Mary is not quite up to speed a supportive appraisal that makes her feel she will have a reasonable amount of time to speed up and doesn't need to worry about losing her job, plus any training or support she needs may be helpful. I do think an appraisal mentioning she is a bit slow when she is having a hard time at home would only add to her stress.

Original poster

Pringlemunchers · 22/12/2017 11:30

Of course, it was handled sensitively. I think what my DH meant, was that if he was going to do an appraisal/review, it had to be an honest one, a constructive, helpful and supportive.

OP posts:

Original poster

Pringlemunchers · 22/12/2017 11:35

Being a woman , did not need to come into the conversation at all ! Least of all her looks. I personally could not think of anything worse. Being appraised and then my looks being mentioned !

OP posts:

Mustang27 · 22/12/2017 13:35

Yeah how does that go, "you really need to pull your socks up Mary you are flagging work wise but at least your not bad to look at, good job there hen" . Least your dh is sensible enough to see how stupid it was.

Original poster

Pringlemunchers · 22/12/2017 14:11

Could you imagine, having a crap time anyway and then your boss says that to you. I think it would be too much for me !

OP posts:

NKFell · 22/12/2017 15:47

I had assumed it would be a woman because like PP said you'd hope that a man in an HR Dept. would realise not to say something like that whereas in my experience women can be the worst for saying shit like that.

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