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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Christmas sexism

37 replies

Linguini · 21/12/2017 08:20

I'm still annoyed by something that happened yesterday.
Very hectic morning, I had a lot on my mind. I was very busy thinking about 100 things whilst having to get a taxi (because I was in a rush and had already been sent to the wrong location).

Taxi driver-
"Cheer up. It's nearly Christmas".

This is the first thing he said to me apart from "where to".

If I was a massive bloke do you think he would have interrupted his train of thought and demanded a smile?

I suddenly felt very self conscious like I should have been making more effort to brighten up the taxi man's day... Had to stop thinking about what I needed to, and explain myself "sorry I'm having a bad morning... yada yada"

Women really are not allowed to sit and think are we.

What would you have said??

OP posts:
Crispbutty · 21/12/2017 08:23

It’s not sexist. He could have said the same to any male passenger. I certainly wouldn’t still be giving it any headspace a day later either.

elQuintoConyo · 21/12/2017 08:24

Annoying but i would have said nothing. Perhaps a jolly "but i don't want to" with a Paddington Bear stare. Or a terse "my My Y has just died. Take me to X place, please".

Or leave it till you're out of the cab, not so caged in.

It makes me rage but internally i just think bland words, unimaginative bollocks, just ignore it.

ISaySteadyOn · 21/12/2017 08:26

No, I agree with you OP. Cheer up is very much something that is said to women by men. And it is very irritating especially when you are trying to think something through.

Jigglytuff · 21/12/2017 08:28

Of course it’s sexist. Blokes telling women to smile always is. We’re not supposed to be real humans - just adornment. If we’re not smiling, we’re failing in that task.

Poshindevon · 21/12/2017 08:32

The taxi driver did not say that to you because you were female. He said it to cheer you up, he did not demand a smile or expect you to brighten his day.
Cant you accept he was just being pleasant?
You had to stop your train of thought to hail a taxi give instructions and climb in so dont claim you had to stop thinking about your oh so important stuff just to speak to the taxi driver.
You need to get over yourself and stop looking for slights against women where there are none.
I am a woman and I sit and think all the time.
What would I have said in reply.? Something like " oh you know one of those days" No yada yada or explanation and then carried on with my oh so important thinking in the back of the cab.

Original poster
Linguini · 21/12/2017 08:34

You really think men get told to cheer up?
It's never happened to dp.

OP posts:
Original poster
Linguini · 21/12/2017 08:35

Resting neutral face. Not even mildly downcast.

OP posts:
Shockers · 21/12/2017 08:35

I’m not sure a man would say that to a man he didn’t know.

Jigglytuff · 21/12/2017 08:37

Saying “Cheer up love” is not pleasant Hmm

Original poster
Linguini · 21/12/2017 08:41

It makes the woman self conscious and embarrassingly obedient.

OP posts:
LaContessaDiPlump · 21/12/2017 08:44

I think, as a rapidly aging woman, I will take it upon myself to tell men to cheer up if I don't feel they're happy enough. If they look sufficiently amazed then I may ask them if they've ever been told that before.

I predict a slew of 'no's and Blush faces....

deydododatdodontdeydo · 21/12/2017 08:44

He wouldn't have said it to a man.

But: I suddenly felt very self conscious like I should have been making more effort to brighten up the taxi man's day.

A man would never have this reaction either. Neither would I to be honest. Maybe it's the way you have been socialised to behave, and lots of people will agree that this is the way women are socialised to behave, but I wouldn't and plenty of other women wouldn't.
I don't think there's any need to aggressively t ake him to task for it, I probably would have just said "er, no thanks, you first" or something and never have thought of it again.

Rainybohoho · 21/12/2017 08:47

Eurgh. I hate ‘cheer up love, might never happen/it’s nearly Christmas/ you’re too pretty to look sad’ 🤮

I hate the presumption. Christmas could be a really bad time for a lot of people. And no, it doesn’t get said to men!

elQuintoConyo · 21/12/2017 08:55

I would never react like you did, i would react like a man, ergo you're being ridiculous is not a nice thing to insinuate to women. Bravo for fucking you.

WhatWouldGenghisDo · 21/12/2017 09:26

I definitely experience 'cheer up' as a criticism

WhatWouldGenghisDo · 21/12/2017 09:27

'You are not performing femininity adequately'

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 21/12/2017 10:11

Of course it's sexist. Men never get told this.

Nuffaluff · 21/12/2017 10:19

That's unpleasant - he has no idea what's going on in your life. You might be going through a really tough time. It would be totally different if it was a friend of yours saying it.
There's an underlying aggressive tone to it isn't there. 'Smile now', is what he's saying. He would never say it to a man for fear of getting punched. Therefore sexist.

AssassinatedBeauty · 21/12/2017 10:57

Why any man thinks that a woman will suddenly start smiling at him because she's been told to cheer up I really don't know. It makes the stupid assumption that if you're not simpering away then you're unhappy, rather than simply busy or preoccupied.

paddlingwhenIshouldbeworking · 21/12/2017 11:04

Ugh I hate this and of course its sexist. I have a great withering blank death stare I reserve for comments like this.

hackmum · 21/12/2017 11:06

"The taxi driver did not say that to you because you were female. He said it to cheer you up, he did not demand a smile or expect you to brighten his day."

How does telling someone to cheer up actually cheer them up?

paddlingwhenIshouldbeworking · 21/12/2017 11:18

Ok so just texted DH and two DBs, all in late 40s. Each has now confirmed that as adults they have NEVER been told to cheer up by a stranger.

VerticalBlinds · 21/12/2017 11:23

Yes it doesn't even make sense. If the man assumes that the woman is failing in her smiling duty because she is not cheerful, how does he think that him saying "cheer up" will resolve her mood? Unless he assumes that women have no internal life or real problems, and that all women live to have attention from men?

Original poster
Linguini · 21/12/2017 11:43

Paddling Grin
I know right!
DP has never been told to cheer up. I thought it was just him like maybe he has a constant grin on all day?? But ah! Being male... You're not expected to be grinning like a loon all day.

OP posts:
Beltane18 · 21/12/2017 12:08

Yes I hate this too
like you're meant be smiling AT ALL TIMES.

one of my friends actually tried grinning like a loon all the way from Underground to street level at Euston station, just to see what happened. She had no fewer than three men comment how nice to see a woman with a happy smile.

this just doesn't happen to men.