So disappointed with dh re women's rights

[FritzDonovan]

Started off as quite a benign comment to the dc re trans, about men being born with a penis, to which he said not to listen to me as I was a bigot.
Tried to explain I didn't have an issue with trans people per se, but was concerned about the accompanying erosion of women's rights wrt women only safe spaces etc (seems the solution should be trans spaces allocated too). Sent him some links about aggressive trans activists which he didn't seem to see as a problem towards women. If you remember the two women getting intimidated and harassed for handing out feminist leaflets, he couldn't comment because he didn't know what was written on the leaflet!? Similarly didn't see the same issues I did on reading any of the other articles/links.
He refuses to see why women should be able to have penis free spaces. Apparently having an issue with trans activists misogynist behaviour and concerns over erosion of women's (cisfemale?) rights means I'm against all trans ppl. Which I'm not.
He said he's not interested in the issue so won't read up about it, yet has spoken out in church/on social media about gay rights for years. Cue massive argument because he (privileged white male, never been concerned about his safety walking down a dark street/in dodgy toilets, etc) seems to care more about gay rights than women's rights, despite the fact he has a wife and daughter who could potentially be affected.

I'm so angry and disappointed, but dont have the eloquence or information to argue. Anyone had this problem with dh? Where do I go with it from here? Any resources which may get through to him?

Sorry nyx, I'm not . (v ignorant and have a bad head for names, going to have to google James O'Brien...)
doc, sadly that may be true, but I can't argue anything with him without written evidence

Fritz - info in first post here

He's got a wife and 2 daughters and I think goes to church every Sunday.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3087218-James-OBrien-what-a-twat

This is a very good video called women decide for yourselves, I had my ex watch it and he got the issue.

He might not want to watch it though.

My dh was oblivious to the whole issue. When I explained it esp about any man being able to identify as a woman and go into women's changing rooms and participate in women's sport he was so horrified he didn't believe me at first.

Thx titania, I'll read/watch and harangue him with info if he doesn't do the same!
nyx i see what you mean!
kerala im glad your dh got it. Mine knows those two facts already...

Men just don’t really care though. All the men I have spoken about this too apart from one thing I’m just banging on needlessly. My friend just came in and I spoke about it, but the only person he is impressed by is Ben Shapiro, another man basically. So then and I said I don’t agree with Shapiro’s politics but he is right about this and he just wanted to argue with me about that and tell me I’m wrong, even when I said I don’t wish to discuss it today.

This whole issue is really making me look at men in a different way. Today as I said a guy friend on twitter was telling me it’s not an important issue, he normally retweets and likes my trans posts, just to make me like him I think, I mean non of it is sinking in clearly.

Until men care enough nothing will change. That will only happen when a woman important enough to them is assaulted.

I give up. I’m tired. I will go find a post by a man for your man though. They tend to listen more to each other. When it’s a woman saying we are angry or frightened they just try to talk us out of our feelings .

medium.com/@burntoakboy/on-topshop-e01f5db6ecd

An article by a man.

I'm with your husband tbh. Trans rights and women's rights are not in competition. The amount of transphobia shite which is posted repeatedly and relentlessly smacks of radicalisation. It really makes me uncomfortable.

Sometimes I think this issue gives’righton’ men the chance to virtue-signal and release their secret shitty thoughts about women. Fuck them.

Yes Charity. Yes.

And fuck them from me too. Or should that be #me too because that campaign obviously went right over their heads too.

Widow "Trans rights and women's rights are not in competition."

ah, but if "trans" rights means "I have a penis and I want access to women's safe spaces" then yes, they are in competition, sadly.

Thx titania I'll read and pass on. I did read the sage leaflet and found it very informative and clear. I passed it on, and guess what, hes still arguing with me without having read it. Although now admitting he doesn't think self identification is right, that's irrelevant.
Update right this minute - says hes read it, but still ignores anything about womens rights. Most hes said is it is a difficult problem if someone is transitioning. No it isnt. Provide a separate space for men/women/trans. Ffs i despair.

Hmmm ... Sounds like he's a 'Woman know your place ' type of church goer ... Male homosexuality acceptance / support is quite right on in some church circles , lesbians not so much .. Women still secondary to many evangelical men and their opinions .

Fritz "Although now admitting he doesn't think self identification is right, that's irrelevant. "

Might be in the edge of a breakthrough.

Is he the type who hates saying they were wrong?,that adds extra time but if he know understands self ID is wrong, that's progress.

Does he know most trans people keep their penis? If they do have surgery its usually just breast implants.

Approx 75% of trans women have a functioning penis
fairplayforwomen.com/transgender-women-working-penis

If you can get him to sit through the video that might help. I was shocked and disbelieving when I first saw it, I thought it must be wrong, but the stats are that male to female trans still offend at the same rate as men.

Well that seems to have done the trick re the above situation. Has told me we see women's rights differently though - he considers it as having equal rights to education, that sort of thing, so apparently it's all a difference in definition /miscommunication problem .

Thanks to all who contributed!

So Fritz, he doesn't think that women's rights would include things like women only hospital wards?

nyx I really don't know. I've given up discussing it now, as it leads to an argument every time. His stance ATM is that he thinks the number of trans women is so small it will have little effect. As I have said to him a number of times, it's irrelevant how many they are, it's the fact that self identified mtw would be allowed into women's spaces as this could (and has, according to some articles I have read but unfortunately haven't links to)allow any male pervert access. He did concede that it wouldn't be right for any man to access a womens changing room myself and DD were using, and then he implies it's not important because the number of trans is so small proportionally. His argument doesn't make sense to me but I can't think of any other way to try and put it across. If one of his favorites on social media stated the same thing he'd take it on board immediately, no problem. Makes me so cross he just dismisses me and turns it into an argument. Every time. Yet the time he put into researching and posting about equal rights in marriage for gay ppl was/is quite substantial. That makes me feel dismissed as well as I would have expected a similar level of support for women's rights. It's pathetic.
Disclaimer : I obviously agree with equal gay rights.