How to raise a feminist

[YoungRaji]

Hello, there.
My name is Raji. I am from South Korea and I’ve been UK for three months. And I have a son, six years old.

I am a feminist and i want my son to be a feminist. However, my husband is not interested in feminism... so, when i talk to son about history of feminism or sexism, my husband looks unhappy. I wonder how to raise your children as a feminist. And if some family members are not a feminist, what you say them and children.

Hi Raji, welcome to the UK :)

Good question! However I'm not sure I have a good answer to the big question of how to raise children as feminists, but I have some small tips that might help.

In the UK, children's toys, products and books are increasingly gendered - is it like that in South Korea too? It wasn't as bad, maybe 30 years ago, but now children get lots of messages that tell them that girls and boys are different. They are bombarede with sexist stereotypes. So as a parent, being midful of that is important I think. It's good to give your child access to a range of toys.

It's also especially important to make sure boys read books with female protagonists. Girls will typically be given plenty of books with boys / men as lead characters, but boys aren't given books with books about girls / women so often. It's the same for TV / in films. As men are the default lead characters, it's probably not that hard for a boy to reach adulthood having enjoyed very few books films with women in lead roles. There is an argument that this can make it difficult for boys to empathise with girls / women - if they're never invited to see the world from our point of view and instead are presented with female characters as stereotypes.

So I make sure my DS reads good books with female characters.

(DS = son on Mumsnet)

A good campaign to follow is Let Toys Be Toys - you can find them on Facebook and Twitter.

Don't pitch it too complicated - I'd go for simple messages at his age. Anyone (of either sex) can pursue whatever interests them. There are no "girl toys and boy toys", only "toys that are interesting and fun." There are no "boys' games and girls' games", just games you enjoy playing with your friends. If someone wants to do something and other people are trying to stop them because "that's for girls/boys", then those other people are being unfair (children that age have a very keen sense of fairness).

I'd also say google is your friend here. If your son comes home from school saying things like "girls can't play football", google female footballers and show him pictures. If he says "girls can't be soldiers", google female soldiers (and generals), and so on. I found this very helpful with my son at that age.

Watch TV together and mention when things seem unfair. Why do so many children's shows with mixed-sex casts have two or three boy characters to every one girl character? Why are most adverts for household stuff aimed at women? Why, in the few adverts for household stuff with men in, are the men usually made to look like idiots? Again - is that fair? Why do so many adverts for women make it look like the only important thing in women's lives is looking pretty? (My son's a bit older now, but he finds this really interesting. Both of us were howling with laughter earlier over an advert for a razor which claimed to "sense your beard density".)

Thank you!!

I am sooo happy that there is feminist mummies’ section in Mumsnet!!

In Korea, advertisements show “girl’s toys” and “boy’s toys”.... if my son wanted lovely dolls his uncle said “you are a boy!”.... or girls tried to climb tree boys shouted “you are a girl!” it was difficult to me to being a feminist because i don’t think i am a perfect feminist. It’s like i trapped in a man box. But i try to overcome others’ attention of sexism.

Your opinions cheer me up

Lottie dolls are fab and now do two boy dolls: Finn and Sammi. There are different outfits for them as well as for the Lottie dolls.

Agree about reading books with female lead characters, or talking about female achievement. There are lots of books around now celebrating female achievement but they tend to be aimed at girls whereas I'd really like a book that had equal nos of men and women in it so they are more accessible to boys. Get them by stealth!

My eldest (DD) is 10 and loves science and so we get 'Whizz Pop Bang' and it deliberately is gender neutral and alternates male and female historic scientists, and has male and female specialists. It's how all children's media should be really. Your LO is still a bit young for it but it might be worth considering in the future.

We also do things like watch the women's world cup, womens boat race, etc. Women's sport is just as exciting as mens and has some great role models in it.