Small and random acts of feminism

[MulhuddartDrive]

I sometimes feel so overwhelmed by the challenges facing women that I've decided to trying to do small things to support the cause.

I'm currently building a database of contacts for a client. Wherever possible I'm picking female contacts (all other criteria being equal). I've probably increased the number of female contacts by 10% while maintaining the integrity of the data.

I felt a small victory today when ds (5) referred to a dog in the park as "she". I call all creatures of not immediately obvious sex female so it's rubbing off!

They see my DD playing Drs/Nurses and they say “would you like to be a nurse when you grow up?” & she replies “I would rather be a Doctor.”

Which is fine as long as you don't mean to denigrate a traditionally female profession.

They see my DD playing Drs/Nurses and they say “would you like to be a nurse when you grow up?” & she replies “I would rather be a Doctor.”

Is this a scenario that comes up regularly?

I’m not denigrating anything, I love that she pulls them on it 😂

I guess it’s because she knows male nurses and female nurses, male Drs and female Drs.

I think Doc McStuffins should take some credit though, my kid is never without a plastic stethoscope since watching that 😂

Made an effort to stop talking about weight every 5 mins.

Let my D'S play in my shoes and nail varnish whenever he likes and tell him he looks pretty

Back up women in meetings at work to give them confidence to express their views

Don't wear make up

I'm with you on reading female writers as a small act of feminism. The Guardian recently ran an analysis into the past Booker Prize winners, and found that books by men were much more likely to win, followed by books about men. Books by women about women were seen as less serious fiction, regardless of their content. This follows the findings of a study of book prizes in general and of book reviews in literary supplements and newspapers. Do we still need the Women's Prize? Yes, because sexism leads to men's novels being taken more seriously, reviewed more widely and judged more leniently than women's. A BAME Prize was set up last year to account for the similarly depressing fact that writers of colour are also discriminated against. By reading the bestseller list, you can read more novels set in New York than Africa, Asia, Australia and Eastern Europe combined.

Also, I tend to find that novels by women are well-written and interesting, so I'm not missing out in my literature. Plus I automatically don't have to put up with male masturbatory fantasies featuring gorgeous young women who are knicker-droppingly attracted to middle-aged male academics/police detectives/writers (ticking off Dan Brown, every crime novel ever, and a lot of so-called literary fiction).

I support my my children's toy/clothing/cartoon choices (both boys, both with very different interests - both with some more traditionally feminine likes).

I make sure that I complement children on what they're doing, not how they dress, and I talk to them about a range of subjects. I give presents to a child based on something active that I think they would like (tool sets, microscope etc) rather than based on stereo types.

I don't shave or wear makeup, I dress practically and make sure my boys know that I'm as normal as a more glamorously dressed woman.

I make sure that my children see me doing DIY and their dad cooking/cleaning.

That's not feminism. It's patronising. Feminism is supposed to be about gender equality not giving women advantages over men. As a woman I say that you can take you 'femenist' acts and sove them up the arse of the late 90's where they belong.

When dealing with couples during the course of my job, I update the woman on how things are going as my main contact.

At school I address all correspondence/concerns to the deputy head, a woman, rather than Straight To The Head - a man. She's been there longer anyway and knows more about the school and has better interpersonal skills with the parents.

When sending cards to couples I put the woman's name first. I've done that for years. It always irritated that the default for couples was the man first.

Excellent thread topic OP.

I'm not sure if it counts but I make sure I always refer to women aged 18 or over as women (never "girls"). Doubtless many people would see this as a non-issue but it's so commonplace for adult women to be referred to as "girls" and to me it's symptomatic of the infantilising and belittling of women.

I also try to make sure I never assume "he" for anything (my mum does for so many jobs, including dentists even though she is one herself). Not sure if talking to younger girls at school about feminism when I get the chance and trying to help them deal with street harassment etc beginning counts (not that I have answers but just try to support the ones I speak to generally).

Great idea for a thread. I teach in a girls' school and feel I could do much more than I do. I am chronically scared of expressing my opinion on anything. My resolution for the new half term is to put up some inspirational quotes by Audre Lorde around my room (for my benefit as well as the girls') and speak up whenever I hear a member of staff describing girls as bitchy/holding grudges/leading boys on etc. (Depressingly common) My longer term project is to do an audit of how women and black women in particular (students mainly African) are on the curriculum.

I support women artists when buying gifts. You can get some really lovely things on Etsy for under a tenner. And I always leave feedback, lots of people dont bother but it does help their shop.

I remind people feminism isnt about equality for the sexes; we are not identical and dont have the same needs. Its about liberation and agency for women. And that we do not have, not anywhere.

Just noticed one, when I am writing a “Dear Sir/Madam” letter I always write “Dear Madam/Sir”

Serendipity, I'm just about to do a large mailing and I will immediately update my persons unknown to Madam/Sir, as in the context more recipients are likely to be female than male. Thanks!

Daisy Raine, no, this IS feminism. equslity is not about everything being the same but about addressing disadvantage. Feminism is about prioritising women and girls so a feminist act would prioritise women and girls. This doesn't prevent other acts from being carried out that prioritise men and boys or neither sex but it does go some way towards addressing the disadvantage that women suffer in professional life. Feminism can also mean a broader prioritising of difference and disadvantage that stems from class, race, economic status and disability. So when I am putting a data base or any kind of list together I always make sure to include as many women as possible but also as many people from different backgrounds as posible.
It's ok to do this because the odds are stacked high against women and girls and other 'differences' because more typically we are constantly confronted with lists that exclude us. This doesn't harm men and boys because they also benefit from seeing and being exposed to the work and perspectives of a diverse range of people.

I call all women (if I'm not on first name terms) Ms.

I also say woman instead of girl, if the woman is an adult.

Sometimes, in work, if I'm speaking to someone, I will refer to their line manager as 'she', and let them correct me that it's a man. Just to do a lite bit to overcome the expectation that the more senior people are men which they usually are.

Sometimes in meetings, when men talk over women, I specifically address my questions to the woman to make sure we get to hear what she's trying to say.

In my own personal life, I make it very clear that DH and I are sharing the parenting equally.

I also make sure I'm the one to speak with car salespeople (men) or trades people (again, men) and discuss the finances, despite them addressing DH when I'm standing right there, asking the questions.

Plus I automatically don't have to put up with male masturbatory fantasies featuring gorgeous young women who are knicker-droppingly attracted to middle-aged male academics/police detectives/writers (ticking off Dan Brown, every crime novel ever, and a lot of so-called literary fiction).

On this theme, a diet of women’s fiction would have spared me Howard Jacobson’s Finkler Question. What could possibly be less interesting to a female reader than male masturbatory fantasies, I hear you ask. Pages and pages of middle-aged self-absorption and self-flagellation. That’s several evenings I’ll never get back. (Reading club choice, alas.)

My resolution for the new half term is to put up some inspirational quotes by Audre Lorde around my room (for my benefit as well as the girls')

Eleanor Rossevelt is highly quotable and very wise. Here are a few examples (multiple writers) that I’ve picked up over the years.

Do what you feel in your heart to be right - for you'll be criticised anyway. Eleanor Roosevelt

“You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.” ― Eleanor Roosevelt

Your job is not to be likeable. Your job is to be your fullest self - Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

Each time a woman stands up for herself, without knowing it possibly, without claiming it, she stands up for all women ― Maya Angelou

If you think something is missing in your life or you're not getting what you deserve, remember there is no yellow brick road to happiness. You lead life; it doesn't lead you." Oprah Winfrey

Audrey Hepburn: "You can tell more about a person by what they say about others than you can by what others say about them".

"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage."
Anais Nin

"I only know that I am called a feminist when I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat". ~ Rebecca West

Not a female writer, but I also like this one:

Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition - Timothy Leary

I suggest only female academics when asked for suggestions for conference keynotes. The number of "manels" (all-male panels) and male-dominated panels in my field is ridiculous and not representative of the quality researchers out there.

I make sure my DC know that liking colours is about personality, not about being a boy or girl. So DS1 has a pink t-shirt because he likes pink, and I don't have pink clothes because I don't like pink, and that's all ok.

I regularly recommend female authors to people I know have a heavy diet of male authors. Female protagonists are a harder sell than female authors, mind, but I'm working on it...

I call people (even women) out when they use male phrases such as man up and grow a pair.

I find the dogs in the park thing a bit weird! Usually, I look for a penis and if it has one, I say 'he'. If not, 'she'. unless the dog identifies as the opposite gender

I call people (even women) out when they use male phrases such as man up and grow a pair.

I always say "woman up".

Once, I responded to someone telling someone else to "grow some balls" by saying "balls are pretty fragile, you should try growing a vagina as they can take a pounding".

I love that quote and use it too. Can’t remember where it came from originally. I like to say cunt though instead. Love the word cunt .

Gender neutral options preferable for me though - “grow up”, “get adulting”, “get some guts”, “brave face”, “grown up pants on” etc.

I know I could do a lot more because I work in a sexist place that doesn’t like challenge and any of this is a drop in the ocean.. but, I use Ms as the default when I don’t know what title a woman uses.
I include a woman’s professional title if she has one -Dr X, Prof X when introducing her to anyone or discussing her work.
Try to find female contractors where possible.
If describing a hypothetical exemplar scenario of a person at work, unless it would be incorrect I try to use a female (adult or child) exemplar as the default.
I change sexist etc descriptors or characters that have been included when preparing text for work (and obviously at home if reading to children who aren’t following the written text).
Help younger women at work when I can and big their work up to other (senior, male) colleagues.