Men not believing what you say

[dailydance]

I have encountered this so many times that I have almost given up. I say something factual and rarely get believed by men, until they google what I have said. I have experienced this both professionally and personally.. more so on a personal level. Does anyone else experience this often?

My DW does it! Pull her up on it quite often.

Dh doesn’t do this, because he’s well aware I’m always right but BIL does all the time. It’s even worse if I’m correcting something he’s said, not in a rude way but he doesn’t half come out with some corkers. He’ll argue the toss even if I present evidence. And then if dh backs me up he’ll suddenly accept it.

Madness.

Datun

"I know lots of words, but sometimes there just aren’t any."

I find the generic 'Cunts' useful in this situation

Yes. All the time, husband doesn't believe anything I say unless he checks with the oracle which is his phone.

I posted an article on facebook. It was about women's experiences of this sort of thing in the workplace.

I posted "this reflects my experiences" or similar

First comment: "there is no gender issue". From a young fella. Who then spent the rest of the day arguing that I WAS WRONG

Did turn some lurking FB friends into feminists, that thread did

My MUM does this to me. It's infuriating. The people she is actually most naturally inclined to listen to, and accept every word as gospel, are working class men of any age who throw in a bit of patronising "don't you worry, love, I'll set your silly little lady head straight". Completely bizarre, especially as she has a degree and is a galloping snob in every other way.

Try working in IT. I cannot count the times that men have to check what I have said with my junior colleague. He's a lovely bloke, but obviously his penis outweighs my qualifications and experience.

Have you seen the article recently where a man tries to mansplain the influence for the Indiana Jones costume... to the costume designer for the Indiana Jones film. Incredible

www.google.co.uk/amp/www.indy100.com/article/indiana-jones-costume-mansplain-design-deborah-landis-7996011%3famp

Ah yes the testicles of objectivity which mean men can only be factual and rationale and all women are confused, emotional idiots...

Grandma - was he confusing Man Met with UMIST (which did merge with the Victoria University of Manchester to form The University of Manchester in 2004, IIRC)?

I feel fortunate that I've not had much mansplaining in the workplace, but perhaps that's because I have a reputation for being a bit fierce. I have come across it outside work, but I tend to just look a bit confused, shake my head and say "no, that's not right. As I was saying...."

No Olennas it wasn't. The conversation actually started by talking about UMIST being part of MU. Then he said that MMU was also part of MU, which I said it wasn't.

on your behalf, then, Grandma

I find whenever DP talks about something he always sounds like he knows what he's talking about and will not hesitate to correct if he thinks you're wrong. I've told him it is rude and it's more polite to either ignore if it's minor (trying to teach Aspie DS this as well) or couch it more politely - 'are you sure xyz played that character? I thought it was bcd?' But he's had my socialisation and he's had his.

Yep, much like slug this is a daily issue in IT. You are almost constantly wanting to peer over your glasses (even if you don't wear them) to say 'do you know I am, young man?' (even if the speaker isn't young).

we had cardboard head bands with giant sticky-up cocks on them that the women in the team had to put on in order for a man to listen.

nothing like a giant pink cardboard cock to focus the mind.

(we got them from Ann Summers - i think they were for hen nights)

Yes, all the time. Even in quizzes where the male team members talk me out of giving the right answer.

I've even had a colleague try to tell me that my marriage was a sham and that I had problems with my DH from when we dated. He was absolutely deluded.

I also wonder if it's cultural, I'm Scottish and I find it more common among English men, but perhaps that's where I do more arguing

I'm (half) Scottish, I don't often say that as I think "being Scottish" , as opposed to simply "being someone who lives in Scotland", is on the whole irrelevant, but I find that rather incredible and border-line offensive.

Scotland has its share of argumentative and pig-headed people, same as anywhere else.

I'm surprised you find it near offensive, Lass.

I'm musing because I can see real cultural differences in how men and women interact where I now live in England, versus where I grew up in Scotland.

Neither is an amazing model, but I often find women here more deferential to their male partners' opinions than I am used to. I grew up with country folk who were not deferential to their husbands, in speech anyway.

And I find when I work with Scottish men, they interrupt me less and listen more, than many of the English men I work with.

A majority of the men I work with are senior in their industry and public school educated SE England, but I see this dismissal of women's opinions from men from all over.

None of my Scottish Facebook chums have ever started a YOU'RE WRONG argument with me, for instance. And men start them with me all the time.

I think there is a strong link between how men interact with women domestically, with how men treat them at work. Perhaps it's class, perhaps it's culture (country/industry/company), perhaps it's how I present as someone who speaks with a different accent maybe it is all my fault. But I think it's important to explore why men feel compelled to dismiss women's opinions, because it has real impact and I imagine they won't change their behaviour by themselves.

It's almost like gaslighting, I imagine some women end up internalising the message that men who do this send out and end up doubting themselves or not speaking because of it.

I'm lucky enough that none of the men in my family do this and I went to a single sex school so I didn't grow up with it. My FIL is awful for doing it, I once politely corrected him on a subject I had studied extensively that he was mansplaining to me. He got in a huff and went to leave then just called out that he though I was looking fat. I had given birth 5 weeks ago, and because of bf and HG during pregnancy I was back to my pre baby weight, which was an underweight bmi. I knew he was just lashing out because he didn't like a woman being right or knowing more than him, but it did make me feel insecure.

It's hard to know whether it is a subconscious learned behaviour/male socialisation or if they do it intentionally because they hate women.

My FIL does this to me all the time. ALL the time.

Especially with anything DIY related. Most recently building some furniture:

Him: This bit just doesn't seem to slot in, hmm.
Me: Yeah, I think it's too wide. Maybe this bit needs popped in more so it's flush.
Him: [ignoring me] I don't understand how it doesn't fit.
Me: It's this big screw nut part here blocking it. It's not flat against it.
[He fiddles some more]
Him, to himself: Now, why won't this bit go in.
Me: We need to hammer this bit in further so it's flat.
[He takes a few bits apart and back together]
Him: It just won't quite go in, will it.
Me: No, not until the nut is flush. Otherwise it'll catch.
Him: [reads instructions again]
Me: See, the instructions has it flush against the board.
Five minutes pass
Him: I wonder if it's maybe this part not being flush?

Give me the fucking hammer. If you weren't hogging it as your penis-extension Man Tool, we'd have been finished an hour ago.

Nope, but people generally don't tend to question me.

I know a man who does this, he's a complete Knobby Know It All. It used to drive me insane but now I treat it as a sort of bingo and I'm almost disappointed if I haven't been mansplained to in a kindly and patronising manner. He's so extreme it's laughable.

@silkpyjamasallday I internalised it over the years and now don’t speak much unless I’m in work. I’m listened to there; unfortunately I have developed a slight stammer (I’m guessing caused by not speaking a great deal) so it’s now becoming tricky to communicate effectively in work