What advice would you give your daughters?

[mnpeasantry]

I spend a lot of time thinking about how I can improve my DDs' experience of the world and would love to hear views from others.

I encourage them to play with toys aimed at both genders as well as non gendered toys.

I try not to place too much emphasis on how they look so they don't wrap their value up in being decorative

I seize on any stem interests and try to nurture them despite not being that way inclined myself

They are under 5 so for me more deeper discussions will come later to try to ensure they never feel they are any less capable than boys.

What do you do? Would love to make this world better for our girls and boys.

I don't have any boys.

I work part time and I am trying to get my oldest daughter to understand that my work is every bit as important as her dad's. I want to introduce a bring your daughter to work day!

She shows a natural interest in biology so definitely want to nurture this.

She is sweet and sensitive like her dad whereas I am very ballsy. I feel she gets a bit taken advantage of so trying to teach her a friend who is unkind is not a friend.

Tell me more about your girls

I only have sons, but if I had a daughter I would tell her to not be afraid to take up space - in public places, at work, at home, in the family calender, in conversation. Physical, mental and emotional space is not the sole preserve of men, women have a right to it too. It's a lesson I wish I'd learned years ago.

Marshall arts from a young age. I saw an article in the paper about a man who pulled a teenaged girl behind a brick wall to rape her.

She was a black belt, broke his collar bone, fractured his elbow and held him down until the police arrived. If a man tries to rape my daughter, that the story that I want to be in the paper next day, not the alternative.

Number one is that you must earn enough to have choices and your freedom from a man, critically you need to be able to support yourself and any children you decide to have, alone.

This is for both my sons and daughters but choose who you have a child with very very carefully. It's the most important decision you will ever make.

100% agree with both of your suggestions KarateKitten.

My dd is 13.

We consistantly cover that No, is ok to say. That her opinions count. That affection should never feel uncomfortable. That she should never give away her choices to someone else.

The main one that has hit me recently is how easy it is for a woman to lose herself in marriage. I realised that somewhere along the way i had become dhs wife, rather than me. If that makes sense. I had become a person whose life revolved around making dh happy. Other people treated me that way too. We started a business together. I was the driving force did more than an equal share of the work. And yet clients, friends, family etc always assumed it was his company and I did little work and he had found me a job so i didnt have to work outside the home.

I had a career and gave it up to work with him. Last year i returned to work and its the best thing ever. I feel like i have something for myself. My choices at work are my own and I am seen as me. Not an extension of him.

Its thrown up some good discussions with dd regarding marriage. I also have recommended that she doesnt change her name, like i did. As it feels like its the first step, symbolically, of giving yourself up.

I have considered going back to my pre marriage surname. But mum has been married 3 times (changing my name each time) and i had several surnames before i got married. Dhs surname is the one i have had longest. So feels more like mine than any of the others. But symbolically it feels not quite right.

We also have a discussion, regularly, on the implications of being a sahp. Especially if not married. The impact on financial independence.

We do talk about having kids regularly. The importance of realising that babies dont fix relationships. Not to have one with someone you arent happy with, you cant rely on them stepping up to the plate etc.

That nobody can have everything, there are always trade offs . Not to automatically value the things traditionally "of men" (status, wealth, power) more than the things traditionally "of women (caring roles, child rearing) but to work out what they, as individuals, want. To be really careful who they choose as a partner and father of any children they might bear.

I’d advise to find your niche and work hard.
My gut also says to ensure you are earning your own cash and don’t rely on a man. Relying on your parents is fine though!
And don’t believe any shite chat up line.

Fucking hell user. These modern feminists eh. How dare they

I don't encourage STEM subjects as she isn't a bit interested in these subjects.
I tell her that it doesn't matter that she is the only girl doing what she does and it's normal, and other girls share her interest, just not at her school. If people mention it or use it as some sort of novelty it's their problem.
I tell her to go for her dreams and not settle for second best.
She knows that any relationship will take second place to her career, and she has warned me that her life probably won't involve kids.
I tell her to look to her merits in her work in general, not as a girl in a predominantly man's job.
I tell her to dress how she wants and not to follow the crowd, to not wear make up and have hairstyles she doesn't like, just to fit in.
Above everything else I tell her to be herself, because she's lovely as she is.

I’ve been thinking of starting a thread like this. I have 2 daughters, ages 1 and 3 and I grew up in a very traditional and sexist household without realising it. I am challenging myself as I get older on lots of things and am only just now starting to realise how life can be so different and much harder for women.

I’m trying to resist talking about physical appearance, ‘you look so pretty’ etc now and focus on the things they do. I find myself slipping though sometimes as it’s just a default. I want them to learn to grow up to be independent, know that they can be different, they can say NO, that they don’t need a man and if they choose one then he should be contributing to life. They should be able to stand on their own two feet and value all the contributions women make to our societies, working, SAHM, raising children. I want them to have high expectations of men. Exactly how to achieve this I’m not sure, but I’m watching and thinking. Surely lots must be down to cultivating good self esteem and having the confidence to make good choices which sometimes will not be the easy ones.