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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

I knew this was happening, but it's depressing to read in black and white - an infected generation...

55 replies

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 05/10/2017 22:17

www.bbc.com/news/amp/education-41499243

This makes me so angry, and I feel sorry for the girls

And for those who don't want to click through...

Girls go along with sex acts, says teacher

Are children turning to pornography to educate themselves about sex? Are boys coercing girls to do things they later regret? A 24-year-old secondary school teacher tells the BBC she's shocked by the stories she hears from her teenage pupils

Warning: This personal account contains some frank language.

"The language boys use to discuss sex and sexual acts is degrading and shows a lack of understanding of consent and the actual mutual respect required to have meaningful sex.

"The girls, equally, are taught not to respect their own bodies and don't comprehend the notion that they may be being used.

"There was one time when one of the girls, who was 14, was really upset and said to me, 'I sucked his dick and he doesn't love me - he told me he loved me and he doesn't.'

"That was the main thing that made me think these girls are being used.

'I didn't say no, but I regret that'

"I don't think anyone can say a 14 or 16-year-old girl has performed these sex acts and enjoyed it - they just go along with it.

"They're going along with it at the time, it's almost like it's an honour that they're chosen, especially if it's a popular boy, almost like a validation of their appearance and attractiveness - or they think it is.

"I don't think these girls are aware of their vulnerability. I think these girls - 14 plus - will look back and think, 'Yeah, I was coerced into that.'

"They get themselves into a situation naively and then they're in too deeply.

Right to say 'no'

"You need to make the girls realise they are being objectified and used and make them aware they are vulnerable to this sort of thing.

"It's their right to say 'no' and that nobody should feel peer-pressured.

"If a boy doesn't want a photo of you or 'get with you' as they say, you're not attractive.

"It's a very sad state of affairs to have girls empowered by how boys think of them.

"It's as bad not to have had a boy take a sexual interest in you, in a 15-year-old's view, as it is to be constantly asked for photos.

"I think the boys are quite clever, they tend to go for the ones who can be manipulated - not all boys obviously.

Shaving pubic hair

"I was on break time duty and I heard a boy say 'I put my hand in her pants and it was like a forest and I was quick out of there.'

"It's the accepted norm amongst the girls that you shave it all off - a totally unspoken rule.

"That's a porn thing, where every single woman has got no pubic hair - I don't think you can say it's not.

"And if they're shaving improperly down there, they are putting their health at risk, for example, if they're using an old razor or a used one, they can increase their risk of infection.

"Schools do teach sex education, but it's focused on contraception, how not to get pregnant.

"It's not about loving meaningful relationships or about consent - that's not really covered.

"They know a lot about STIs [sexually transmitted infections] and condoms but not a lot about the meaningful aspect.

"I honestly think you've got to teach these kids more than about contraception.

"It needs a revolution. They need specialists coming in - teachers can see PHSE [personal, social, health and economic education] as a bit of an extra, they're certainly not specialists in it, it's an extra lesson or 20 minutes in form.

"A lot of teachers don't feel confident talking about these things.

"We're setting them up to go on to a porn website to learn about sex. I don't think they're going on there to get kicks, but to learn about sex and that obviously feeds into a whole societal thing.

An infected generation

"When I was at school there were problems with webcams and sex chats and msn messenger.

"But I can't remember boys talking about girls like this.

"I really don't know why it's spiralled.

"I think we can blame a lot of things on the porn industry, we can blame social media and the ease of access.

"But they're an infected generation that no longer sees the gravitas of sex."

Produced by Katherine Sellgren, BBC family and education reporter

More on this story

'I didn't say no, but I regret that'
05 October 2017

Copyright © 2017 BBC. The BBC is not responsible for the content of external sites.

OP posts:
Gentlemanjohn · 08/10/2017 08:32

There are two valid responses to the problem of pornography.

  1. It is all but banned, or heavily regulated. The one and only good thing the Conservative Party have done is enforce age verification controls on porn websites to come into force next April. However, this legislation is not enough. If I had my way the whole lot would be banned, and regarded as no more morally acceptable than prostitution. In fact, it is filmed prostitution, and the hypocrisy of people who condemn prostitution but use porn is nauseating in my view.

  2. We more or less accept it as a fact of life. Because the fact is that if lots of children are free to access pornographic media, then they will; and if pornographers and tech entrepreneurs are free to make money out of children accessing porn, then they will. You can try and educate children and young people about it's perils and wrongs, but that's about it. When it comes down to it, the choice is that binary. Heavy regulation or the situation gets worse.

In the internet a monster has been created which has given licence to all the inherent barbarisms of human nature. The liberals who thought it was a great idea can suck up the consequences.

MrsTrentReznor · 08/10/2017 09:09

I feel grateful to have been the last generation to go through my teens without smart phones and the internet.
We fumbled around with each other, the boys tried to push it too far, we pushed back, I was sexually assaulted more than once, had a 28yo boyfriend at the age of 15 (which my mum was fine with!)
But we were never under pressure to do anal, send videos or shave our pubic hair off. I didn't even bother to do my bikini line half the time and I didn't get shamed or bullied!
I feel that girls today have such massive challenges to overcome.
Even as an adult pushing 40, anal, Hollywood waxes and sexting etc. Are creeping into sex lives. It's all a bit grubby.
What happened to making love?! (I hate that term, but can't think of anything else to write, not had enough coffee.)

mumside · 08/10/2017 11:58

if you ban porn it will just become a black market activity with no regulation with even more gruesome deeds. but then maybe some people are into that.

Gentlemanjohn · 08/10/2017 12:02

There already is a black market with gruesome deeds - in fact the mainstream market and the black market are merging.

We did used to regulate pornography very strictly and although there was lost of child porn about, there was about one ten thousandth of the amount there is now. So your point is what?

This is the same liberal argument applied to prostitution: have regulated, legal brothels and then all will be well. Rubbish.

Trailedanderror · 18/10/2017 07:55

30 years ago boys were just as sex obsessed but without the porn 'education'
I stumbled into single sex education for my dcs and I'm so glad I did.

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