I don't know if this is a feminist issue and progress

[ForeverLivingMyArse]

My ds has just started high school. There's been a muddle up with ties, there weren't enough for everyone to buy at the start of term. Anyway today I got a text saying ties are here, will be on sale tomorrow etc etc.

My husband came home from work and said 'ds ties are in, I'll give him a fiver'

I was taken aback an pleased. In 9 years of school/nursery my husband has only ever been contacted if they can't get a hold of me. Lollipop man is ill - text mum. School shut due to winds - text mum. Son not turned up (usually us forgetting to tell them he's ill) - phone mum. You get the gist. My husband got a call from them once when he was ill and I was in meetings away from the office all day. They'd tried the house, my mobile and my work before my husband.

In all fairness I work 3 days and am geberally closer to the school than dh however the assumption that I should be the main contact hadn't really dawned on me until today when my husband got a text about the ties.

I guess I'm just thinking out loud here but at no point did I nominate myself as the main contact. Looking back I've received voicemails and returned calls without them ever phoning my husband. Is this a societal thing?

It's absurd I felt relief at my husband's head space being filled with ties rather than it being yet another thing I was expected to deal with because in my eyes, contacting only mum is placing the burden only on mum.

Thanks for listening!

It's definitely a feminist issue. I wouldn't assume progress has been made if you've always been used as the point of contact before though.
I doubt they'd have made a specific change.m to get more men.

I've heard many stories of schools calling secondary contacts (female) before calling dad.

I'm surprised you haven't ever been asked to nominate a primary contact.

Both the schools my DC have attended asked for primary and secondary contacts.

Yeah progress probably was a bit optimistic! Just refreshing to see a new approach from the new school.

I'm one of the people who phones home and regularly phone Dads as I'm aware that this is a real (and definitely feminist) issue. I'm constantly amazed that many dads tell me that they can't help and need to phone the mum instead, even when the parents are together.
I keep doing it anyway though.

Ties= man business?

I'm trying to think but to the forms and I'm sure it's parents details so both our mobile and work numbers then other contacts (granny etc)

I have never nominated one or other of us to be the first point of contact. The fact I've had to respond to voicemails during working days and he hasn't even been called suggests there is this thinking that his work must be much more important than mine and he can't be bothered. But I can get calls about missing lunch money etc.

Old school would text lots of information about meetings, staff absences, money due for trips/plays and reminders on a regular basis. All to me. None of that was particularly vital information but it was put to me suggesting it's for me to deal with.

Our school forms definitely are set out in such a way that one parent is the primary contact (the first parent on the form).

However, signing up to ParentMail (the system they use to email and text us) relies on the parent actively doing it - I'm the one who signed up straight away, I'm the one who actually bothers to open and read the messages, I'm the one who actions them. It doesn't bother me, my time is less structured than DH's so it's probably easier for me to do it and we have a pretty fair division of work in our household, but I can see that it could be a feminist issue in that the default position is always that it's the mother who will perform the role of carer/organiser/etc.

My school just calls whoever is down as number 1 on the list. 9 times out of 10 that's mum. The same person that filled the form in usually.
It usually goes 1) mum 2) dad 3) gran / friend

To be fair with most people in school having split families we have a note next to each parent of their contact days so we know who to ring what day.

I don't think the problem is with the school but with the fact that women tend to be the primary carer. We just do as we are told with the info we are given

DC's parental contact details have "please call father first" at the top. One school has followed those instructions while the other has a tendancy to phone me first, particularly if one of them is poorly. Things have improved after I pointed out that I was the other end of the country as I work away a lot and all I'd do is phone my husband who works locally.

My good female friend (who I'm not in a relationship with) is my second point of contact. That's because DS's dad lives 250 miles away. He never, ever gave a thought about the uniform. Ever. Not for all his three children.