No-gendered terms of endearment

[CaptainWarbeck]

After watching the gender neutral school experiment, we realised DH routinely calls DS buddy, mate and champ as pet names, and DD sweetie.

They're both very young still so ample time to change this if we want. But it's so hard to think of non gendered terms of affection. All we've come up with is darling.

Are there any more?

[stumblymonkeyagain]

Also

Squidge
Poppet
Poppetblocks (no idea where this came from)

[BertrandRussell]

"All DS'S current pet names imply equality between him and DH (buddy, mate) or bigging him up (champ). Which is lovely. But 'sweetie' implies cute and little. Not quite the same."

I think that's a very interesting observation. Although the term he uses for your ds could technically be used for a girl, it would be quite surprising to hear.

I call mine bunny and chick. And lovely.But the both also have specific pet names as well.

[MineKraftCheese]

I call my female friends "lads" sometimes.

I call my niece "mate, buddy, friend, pal, cutie, gorgeous". Do the same for my nephew.

[BertrandRussell]

I think it's also interesting to think of what you would call a child you don't know. Young man has a very different vibe to young lady, to my ears at least.

[AndNoneForGretchenWieners]

I call DS pudding, bab and love. He's 17! But still my bab. (Or the babby if I'm talking about him hmm it to him)

[AndNoneForGretchenWieners]

*not to him, don't know where the hmm came from!

[IfyouseeRitaMoreno]

Yeah, "young lady" brings to mind a Swiss finishing school where they were made to walk along with books balanced on their heads to encourage good comportment.

Maybe that's just me

[flowery]

None of those pet names are "gendered" I don't think. You don't need new pet names, you need your DH to not choose to use different ones for your children depending on their sex. Nothing wrong with calling a girl mate or buddy, nothing wrong with calling a boy sweetie (I do). The issue is why is your DH not treating your children the same.

[scaryclown]

Leader?

[drinkingtea]

I had an Irish friend who called her DD the little woman - I don't know whether it's an Irish expression or not.

I agree though the problem is the way the OP's DH chooses to use those endearments. Like many on this thread I use the same ones interchangeably for both my DD and DSs. My DH actually never uses endearments at all except putting the ee sound on the end of their names (both sexes).

My kids are all called baby, sweetie, sweets, and sproglet interchangeably, boys and girl.

None of them are ever called buddy or champ or little man or woman because those terms don't come naturally to me, and I've never called anyone Hun

[Batteriesallgone]

I call all children I don't know mate or kid. All children that aren't mine actually. I don't like using terms like sweetie for strange children - just a personal hang up really, I mean they might not be sweet at all!

Also I live in quite a hippy / right on area. It is nigh on impossible to tell half the time whether the children are boys or girls as clothes, hair, etc is so carefully unisex. So you quickly have to get used to being gender neutral.

[drinkingtea]

I used to call the children I childminded (boys and girls) sweetheart, but I don't think I'd use an endearment for a child I didn't know at all...

I don't speak my first language to my children's friends which possibly makes me more formal with them, but even when doing volunteer duties at the primary school and when I've been in to talk to classes I've either known names or just done the open palm not-pointing point gesture.

At work I look after very severely disabled adults and have heard myself calling them little mouse and treasure, which are typical endearments used here for children other colleagues do too.

[BertrandRussell]

Yep. The country is crawling with little girls being regularly referred to as mate, buddy and champ. Not gendered at all!!!!!

[drinkingtea]

Bertrand given this thread is in feminism chat there probably aren't many posters who use gendered endearments.

I've never in my life called anyone of either sex mate, buddy or champ. I'd feel a fraud trying to use those terms just as I would if I tried on an accent not my own.

I actually noticed on a recent visit that my BIL, who in all honesty I don't know very well, calls his ds mate - he has no dds - but I don't know many people who call kids mate. He did call my DD mate when asking how she was - it looked like an expression of well-meaning awkwardness as I don't think he has had any experience talking to almost teen girls in decades, but he did opt for mate... I suppose that might be what he calls all children!

[StinkPickle]

Would your DH find it easier to call them both sweetie (seeing as it's a name he uses already?)

I have 3 boys (ages 1, 3, 5) and call them all sweetie, darling, gorgeous, or 'lovely boy'

I hadn't actually thought about it before now but definitely have never used mate/champ/buddy maybe because they're young still.

[Thephoneywar]

I honestly don't see the problem with using different terms for boys and girls. My title is gendered (mummy) and so is their dad's (daddy). We have sons and daughters, husbands and wives and so on. Why can't terms of endearment be gendered to.

I thought erasing gendered language was the aim of the trans movement.

[BertrandRussell]

The issue is not so much that the language is gendered. It that the names tend to fit into traditional gender stereotypes.

When I was young back when dinosaurs roamed the earth, it was common to refer to boy babies as "big bouncing" and girl babies as "sweet little". I kid you not-if you rang a hospital to ask after a friend who was having a baby you would be told something like that.

[IfyouseeRitaMoreno]

@thephoney
I honestly don't see the problem with using different terms for boys and girls. My title is gendered (mummy) and so is their dad's (daddy).

Mummy and Daddy are biological realities of sex. Terms like Sweetpea and Champ allude to certain behaviours and characteristics and when applied to different sexes almost exclusivity they enforce gender stereotypes.

[abigailgabble]

fricken hecks this programme was an eye opener. my dp got a stern look and a lecture when he tried to brainwash my baby with footage of diggers on YT yesterday

[IfyouseeRitaMoreno]

my dp got a stern look and a lecture when he tried to brainwash my baby with footage of diggers on YT yesterday

I detect a bit of sarcasm

[LassWiTheDelicateAir]

I hadn't actually thought about it before now but definitely have never used mate/champ/buddy maybe because they're young still

No I've never used any of those- sweetie, sweetpea, sweetheart, darling boy, human bean , the widget. Now he's all grown up "darling boy"

[StoatofDisarray]

I call the people I love sweetpea, sausage, poppet or poppetski.

[Batteriesallgone]

Maybe mate is a regional thing.

It's very common around here. I call my female friends mate, male family members will say alright mate to me.

[GregorSamsa]

I am very partial to addressing my strapping 18yo son with Blackadder-standard endearments like 'my sweet little angel pudding'.

He seems to take it in good spirit.

I call all my children things like lovey, sweet pea, sweetheart, pigletpie. I am not a fan of terms like buddy, mate or champ. 'Little man' for boys and 'princess' for girls makes me cringe.

[Rufustherenegadereindeer1]

gregor

I refer to 18 ds1 as something similar to rufi-baby

I have been known to do it in parent teacher conferences

Its too much of a bloody habit