No-gendered terms of endearment

[CaptainWarbeck]

After watching the gender neutral school experiment, we realised DH routinely calls DS buddy, mate and champ as pet names, and DD sweetie.

They're both very young still so ample time to change this if we want. But it's so hard to think of non gendered terms of affection. All we've come up with is darling.

Are there any more?

[Danglingmod]

Wanted to add: I'm pretty sure I use poppet with more yr 7 boys than I do girls (and this is usually not in front of other children as such, more on a one to one basis) because 11 yr old boys are, on the whole, younger than 11 yr old girls.

So, for me, the 'softer' terms of endearment are age rather than gender related.

[Danglingmod]

Interesting discussion.

Dh calls our (16 yr old) ds very similar names to me: chick, doll, handsome, gorgeous, dude.

I call other people's children that I know well and are under 11 ish: gorgeous, chick, poppet, maybe dude.

I call other people's children I know well and who are over 11: dude, mate or chick.

At school I call groups of children: year whatever, people, boys, girls etc

Individuals (at school) in year 7 I might call poppet. I try and use first names though. Someone individual I didn't know and was asking neutrally to step aside in a corridor, say, would be young man (for a boy). Would never call a girl young lady unless I was really telling them off. It sounds sarcastic, doesn't it, in a way young man doesn't?? Hmmm.

[BertrandRussell]

Dadishere-have you read the thread?

[dadshere]

Seems a bit silly to me. My daughter is a girl, girls are not boys, nor would I want her to be anything other than what she is. I find a lot of these 'gender' conversations odd. Girls can like pink clothes, fairy outfits and ponies- it is fine. My daughter loves these things, her room is pink, her bed is pink and the vast majority of her clothes are pink. Girls can also like rough and tumble play, catching spiders, ants and worms, playing football and farting. My daughter loves all of these things too. Not too long ago we dealt with people asking what HIS name was. She is a girl, but she is a girl who has a variety of interests that don't necessarily fit into some people's gender stereotypes of girl interests and boy interests. Girls can have short hair, like toilet humour and football, without someone worrying if they are in a gender crisis. Girls are girls, and boys are boys. Different but the same.

[NKFell]

I call my boys and girl 'Angel' and 'Doll'. Same as my Dad! He calls my 6ft4" brother 'Angel' or 'Doll' too. He also says "sweetheart" for boys, girls, women and men.

My DCs Dad calls them Hooly 1, Hooly 2, Hooly 3 (for hooligan) and since my youngest is not his- "the baby".

[LassWiTheDelicateAir]

We both used "Toots" for my son and his first girlfriend.

[ScouseQueen]

Kiddo works well across the board.

[nigelsbigface]

Im from Derbyshire and we regularly use 'flower' and 'duck' for both men and women. Got me a few funny looks from men I used it on when I moved down south but I haven't dropped the habit.

[MrsFionaCharming]

I call the kids I work with 'sunshine', I picked it up from an American colleague and it's a little twee but I like it.

One of my male colleagues uses 'sweetheart' for girls and boys.

[MulhuddartDrive]

That's interesting, Bertrand. Dh rarely calls the DC by nicknames but if he does, and when we are referring to them in their absence, they are usually the monsters.

[Lancelottie]

DD has reminded me that I inadvertently called (6 foot) DS Tiddles in public not that long ago. Also Booboo and Dillybobs.

I think I might need shooting before I reach 60.

[Joinourclub]

My boy and girl are both

Sweetpea
Lovely
Bubs
Fartypants
Monkey
Fattybumbum
Babstickles
And a million other things.

I agree that while mate/sweetie/buddy/cupcake are not essentially gendered, there is a tendency to use matey/tougher names with boys and cutie/softer names with girls- especially by their fathers. I think mothers are more comfortable using darling/lovely/sweetie pie for both sexes than fathers are.

[BertrandRussell]

I call ds "littly" He's 6ft3 and I'm 5ft 2!

Anyway- back to the thread. What endearments do our children's fathers use? Because I suppose that's the relevant point- women/mothers can use any words they like really, it's the ones used between boys and men that are interesting.

[Batteriesallgone]

I also use 'little one' which I know is considered a heinous offence on mumsnet so I suspect I will have to remove myself from the discussion forthwith

[Lancelottie]

I tend to call my sons pet (or chick, or petal).

I have to try very hard not to do it in front of DS2's girlfriend.

The offspring have pointed out that I also call the cats 'pet'. They feel this is wrong.

[flowery]

I call DS1&2 "sweetie", "darling", "lovely" or "mate". I am most likely to address any other child as "mate", regardless of sex, and including my nieces.

[Rufustherenegadereindeer1]

gregor

I refer to 18 ds1 as something similar to rufi-baby

I have been known to do it in parent teacher conferences

Its too much of a bloody habit

[GregorSamsa]

I am very partial to addressing my strapping 18yo son with Blackadder-standard endearments like 'my sweet little angel pudding'.

He seems to take it in good spirit.

I call all my children things like lovey, sweet pea, sweetheart, pigletpie. I am not a fan of terms like buddy, mate or champ. 'Little man' for boys and 'princess' for girls makes me cringe.

[Batteriesallgone]

Maybe mate is a regional thing.

It's very common around here. I call my female friends mate, male family members will say alright mate to me.

[StoatofDisarray]

I call the people I love sweetpea, sausage, poppet or poppetski.

[LassWiTheDelicateAir]

I hadn't actually thought about it before now but definitely have never used mate/champ/buddy maybe because they're young still

No I've never used any of those- sweetie, sweetpea, sweetheart, darling boy, human bean , the widget. Now he's all grown up "darling boy"

[IfyouseeRitaMoreno]

my dp got a stern look and a lecture when he tried to brainwash my baby with footage of diggers on YT yesterday

I detect a bit of sarcasm

[abigailgabble]

fricken hecks this programme was an eye opener. my dp got a stern look and a lecture when he tried to brainwash my baby with footage of diggers on YT yesterday

[IfyouseeRitaMoreno]

@thephoney
I honestly don't see the problem with using different terms for boys and girls. My title is gendered (mummy) and so is their dad's (daddy).

Mummy and Daddy are biological realities of sex. Terms like Sweetpea and Champ allude to certain behaviours and characteristics and when applied to different sexes almost exclusivity they enforce gender stereotypes.

[BertrandRussell]

The issue is not so much that the language is gendered. It that the names tend to fit into traditional gender stereotypes.

When I was young back when dinosaurs roamed the earth, it was common to refer to boy babies as "big bouncing" and girl babies as "sweet little". I kid you not-if you rang a hospital to ask after a friend who was having a baby you would be told something like that.