No-gendered terms of endearment

[CaptainWarbeck]

After watching the gender neutral school experiment, we realised DH routinely calls DS buddy, mate and champ as pet names, and DD sweetie.

They're both very young still so ample time to change this if we want. But it's so hard to think of non gendered terms of affection. All we've come up with is darling.

Are there any more?

[user1471495191]

Tiger, cheeky monkey used here...

[Rufustherenegadereindeer1]

Baby

Sweetie tart

sweetheart

Fat bum ( this is DHs as well...i say it and they all respond, none of them have fat bums)

Gorgeous ( i do say boy or girl occasionally)

Darling

They are all called pretty

[NoLoveofMine]

It's interesting that boys often get "little man" etc but girls don't get "little woman". Possibly ties into women being referred to as "girls" regularly (as individuals rather than collectively).

[Butterymuffin]

Gorgeous
Chicken (or chick)
Sweetheart
Love

[BendydickCuminsnatch]

I watched this too and was because I'm always calling DS honey, sweetpea, love, darling, sweetness, angel etc. They were acting like that was bad. DH does call him buddy/pal as well as all the above, I agree those are more boyish. I don't really see the problem TBH, he'd probably call any daughters that too really as that's in his nature.

[BendydickCuminsnatch]

In fact he has called our niece mate, pal before.

[qumquat]

I really notice how little boys tend to get 'equal' pet names: mate, little man, buddy, and girls get diminutive ones: sweetie, cutie, princess.

My pet names for DD are entirely unplanned but have turned out to be:
Monkey
Monkey trousers
Monkelamonk (spot the theme)
Moosticks
And randomly adding 'fish' to the end of her name!

[Luncharmstrong]

Gendered or not , why care ?

[caoraich]

Toots, for everyone!

For some reason that's lost to time DP and I always called each other Fluff. All pets and children in our lives are now Fluff too. It's mildly confusing, especially for the cats who don't know their actual names.

My DF called me, my brother and our dog "fruitbat". I have no clue why he came up with it but I feel warm and fuzzy whenever a fruitbat comes on a nature show

[EllenJanethickerknickers]

My boys are sweetheart, lovely or honey. I don't call my female friends 'hon' though!

When I was a TA I'd call the DC sweetheart mostly if I couldn't remember their name.

[KentMum2008]

DD and DS both get called darling, lovely, kiddo and mate (depending on the situation and whether they're being particularly adorable or not) If they're being particularly beastly I call them little beasts, and occasionally little heathens
DH calls them 'pal' which I think is a Scottish thing as his parents both call DH 'pal' all the time!
My mum calls them kiddikins, lambkins and various other 'kins'.
I don't think we use any gendered terms of endearment, although that's not necessarily a conscious decision. It just happened that way.

[Batteriesallgone]

Isn't the problem that your DP doesn't think to call his DD buddy / mate or his DS sweetie?

They can be used for both sexes, so I wonder if whatever new word you present him with it will end up being gendered and only used for one or the other.

Ask him to make a conscious effort to call DD buddy and DS sweetie for a week maybe. See if he can manage to slip into using them all interchangeably.

[CatsAreAssholes]

Agree with lass that hose terms aren't gendered, he's using them that way. My dd has been buddy since she was a baby

[CatsAreAssholes]

I didn't think anyone said "champ" outside Leave it To Beaver though!

[nooka]

I think that the majority of pet names aren't gendered in of themselves, the issue is more how you use them. The only really gendered terms I use to my children are 'sonny boy' to ds and 'lovely girl' to dd. I do use terms of affection more with my dd, but that tends to be because she is generally more helpful so there are more occasions to thank her. I did notice that I was more likely to use terms that referred to appearance to dd back when they were tiny and so more consciously told ds that he was a beautiful boy too.

So OP can your dh call his son sweetie sometimes, and use champ, mate and buddy for dd too? If not he might want to think about why that doesn't feel comfortable to him and if there are similar terms he could use instead?

[deydododatdodontdeydo]

It's interesting that boys often get "little man" etc but girls don't get "little woman". Possibly ties into women being referred to as "girls" regularly (as individuals rather than collectively).

They do get "little lady" though, but I know lady is not a popular term...

[Oddsocksforeveryone]

This has got me thinking.
I call my boys "love" I think. Same as DH, thanks love etc.
But DS2 we actually call "Josie" which I suppose is a girls name?
Dd we call "Shpoopy" or "Shpoops" can't actually remember why but we all use it, more than her name.

[titchy]

Gendered or not , why care ?

Really? Where do you live - the 1950s? Perpetuating gender myths is bad. It deters our girls from aiming high, and stops our boys developing a more nurturing side to their nature.

Or do you think your dd's place is behind the kitchen sink and your ds's place in the pub while her indoors cooks his tea?

[NoLoveofMine]

They do get "little lady" though, but I know lady is not a popular term...

Which to me backs up the point I'm making due to the connotations of "lady", the idea girls and women should act in a "ladylike" manner and so forth. Boys are often referred to as "little man", "young man" etc but girls would get "lady" in its place if anything. As I said, even adult women are routinely referred to as "girls".

[IfyouseeRitaMoreno]

It isn't a matter of those terms being gendered in themselves, it's a matter of adults constantly using them for one sex and not the other.

I've always noticed this with my son who gets called "mate", "sir" and "big man" by adult men. It strikes me as odd.

There should be nothing wrong with "sweet pea" "gorgeous" "love" for boys but you don't hear it often.

[IfyouseeRitaMoreno]

Beyond immediate family I should add.

[NoLoveofMine]

I agree IfyouseeRita. The terms used for boys often elevate them if that makes sense, for example to the level of "big man" (there definitely wouldn't be an equivalent for a girl who as I said would never be referred to as a "woman" - unless describing a growing body which is another issue of sexualisation being the one way girls are seen as adult if that makes sense), the equal "mate" which shouldn't be gendered but is rarely used for girls and so on. The ways children are addressed depending on their sex does send messages out about how each is viewed, with terms used for boys routinely suggesting equality, power etc in my opinion.

As you say, terms such as "gorgeous", "love", "sweetheart" should be able to be freely used towards boys by people beyond their immediate family but it'd be extremely unlikely a man especially would use them, yet men and women would happily to girls.

[Greenandcabbagelooking]

At work, I tend to address groups of kids as Year Whatever, chaps, or people. As in "Right, Year 9, listen please". "People, you are blocking the corridor, line up single file please."

Kids I don't know names of are young man or young lady. "Put that phone away, young man". "Walk down the corridor, please, young lady".

[NoLoveofMine]

I dislike "young lady" and always have; I think that "young woman" isn't used for girls whilst "young man" is for boys shows a difference in how children are addressed, as I said with the connotations of "ladylike" behaviour being expected.

[stumblymonkeyagain]

In our house:

Monkey
Bug
Monster (said affectionately, not as in 'you're being a monster)
Monkeybum