How can I respond to this?

[notheretoargue]

Looking for advice. Long term lurker on these boards, which I always find very interesting.

A fb friend has written to her MP (Harriet Harman) about the legalisation of sex work. She's not happy with Harman's response, which advocates the Nordic model, and has posted the response on fb. Above it, she wrote:

CN: the use of the word prostitute and a whole load of other whorophobic bs.

Underneath, loads of comments slagging off Harman for being a bitch etc. One person has (politely) challenged the original poster's views and the words used against Harman, and is being pretty rudely dismissed.

These are all young, mostly female, academics. My problem is not only that I disagree with them, but that I don't know how to respond or participate in their debate without creating a situation that makes them more likely to write off my opinions. (I would be prepared to be talked round). My main issue with the post is with the CN, which I find patronising and offensive. But I'm also saddened by what seems to me to be a silencing of older feminists by a younger, liberal feminism. Am I just being over sensitive?

No I don't think you're being over sensitive. Odd that they're all fine with slinging "bitch" around towards a woman who they don't agree with but object to prostitute as a descriptor.

Are they friends or colleagues? Will you experience harassment or consequences if you challenge them?

If you do respond I'd probably stick to factual responses and calm objections to the use of gendered insults.

Thank you. It's good to hear you don't think I'm overreacting. I should probably wait until I'm less angry about it before doing anything.

They are colleagues. It would certainly be bad for me professionally to fall out with them. But, given our world of work, not engaging feels like a bad option too.

I come across this attitude more and more, and it makes me feel very confused and very silenced.

What does CN stand for?

Point out their misogynist abuse. Bitch is hatespeak. And sex worker is a term invented by pimps.

Bit of an aside - but hooray for Harriet Harman. (My MP is also a good un - I wrote to him asking him to take the time to go to an event in the Houses of Commons hosting a talk by exited women who favoured the Nordic model so that he could hear the voices of women for whom prostitution had not been the "happy hooker" experience - and he not only found time to go during the shit storm that was the immediate aftermath of the referendum, but even passed on my concerns to the Home Office).

I think your instinct to wait till you've calmed down is a good one. And AskBasil's responses are good.

Work on factual stuff as well - if they are researchers in the field, can they tell you what proportion of women are in prostitution voluntarily versus those who are in it due to economic and/or physical coercion? Why is prostitute a slur when the "English Collective of Prostitutes" uses that name? (Incidentally, I've talked to exited prostitutes on here who tell me the ECP are an absolute fucking nightmare and basically a pressure group run by pimps). Ask them what proportion of people in pro-legalisation pressure groups are actually prostitutes as opposed to pimps?

Excellent points, thank you. Yes, I will do some more research and yes to Harriet Harman! Your MP also sounds great. Exactly what you want from an MP

CN stands for 'content note' (ie trigger warning)

Yay to HH and to Prickly's MP!
OP - how about using the BMAs line in support of the Nordic model and saying how the pimp lobby is similar to tobacco lobby?

There's also the option of channeling your inner Miss Jean Brodie and saying firmly "I am not whorephobic, as you so delightfully put it. I am however pimp-and-punter-phobic and proudly so - they are the scum of the earth. Let's do some real feminism here and take the focus off women's behaviour and put it onto unacceptable behaviour by men."

I found this article pretty hard hitting. You might wish to share it with your colleagues to point out why many women support the Nordic Model. m.huffpost.com/us/entry/us_597ba182e4b09982b7376482 It's about a photographer who photographed women in brothels in Mexico. Most are now dead. It includes this paragraph.

"“Not one of the women I photographed called herself a ‘trabajadora sexual’ (‘sex worker’),” said Trillo. “They ridiculed that term and would say ‘caí en la prostitución’ or ‘caí en esto,’ which means ‘I fell into prostitution.’ They would often ask: ‘How did I get here?’”

But I'm also saddened by what seems to me to be a silencing of older feminists by a younger, liberal feminism. Am I just being over sensitive

No, there is a lot of that going on. :(

That's a very powerful article, notafish.