WWYD

[ZuriWanders]

One of my Facebook friends has gone live - making out with another girl (No problem with lesbians but this is evidently being done purely for views on her stream), offering to get in sexy lingerie, strip... "Pay us and you'll get more" type of thing. Most viewers and commenters were men (no surprise), some seemingly they didn't even know. They both have Premium Snapchats where they get paid by subscribers to send nudes and do porn etc.

Problem is, she has BPD, and I worry for her mental health and the impact her conflation between worth and sexual desirability is having on her. She seems to be begging for sexual attention all the time. It breaks my heart, really.

However, she's also made a video about bullying and slut-shaming. So, is how I feel about what she's doing slut-shaming? I feel she's exploiting her body, mainly for men's sexual gratification. As a survivor of the sex industry and a fellow BPD sufferer, this is really striking a chord with me. I'd love to reach out to her about my concerns privately - I don't want to public humiliate her or start a row - but worry this would be classed as slut-shaming, which I also don't want to do. I don't think women are sluts for sleeping with multiple people, same as men, but its the degrading and transactional framework of this that strikes me as deeply wrong. She definitely seems to be mixing with the sex-posi lib-fem crowd who believe this type of thing is empowering.

I guess I just remove her as a friend and forget about it, but I can't help but worry about her future.

I'm angry at the messages she's sending out, but upset that she sees exploiting her body as some form of validation. As I said, I've been through this with my own BPD... I just hope she comes out the other side OK.

Do I try to make sure she's safe in private with a quick chat, or leave well alone?

Feel free to tell me I'm being overly judgemental, it just hurts seeing someone I know like this. I guess I just wanted to get all this our my system after holding back from commenting on the video.

You are not being judgemental, and this isn't slut shaming. It sounds like she needs money, or thinks this is an easy way to get it.
The problem is, you are in a different place to her. You can see the journey you took to get where you are. That isnt available to her and she isnt going to take your approach in the spirit you intend.

If she did crash or need help, what could you do to save her? Does she have any support, does she take her meds? Could you actually enforce any of that? You also need to think of yourself and your own health. What would failure look like?
Give yourself some space and distance. From your own experience you will know the best time to let her know you are there to support her if she needs it.

I agree with DJ that what you are doing is not slut shaming. Plus, so far you've kept it all in your head - you are worried about your friend and even if that worry was misplaced (and I don't think it is) we can't perfectly control what goes on in our heads.

I think you should step very carefully about raising it with her -what happens if she reacts badly and you fall out? Does that leave her with one less caring influence in her life? I don't know for certain whether its better to raise it in a private chat or not, but you could enquire after how she's doing and let her know you're there for her without being specific about your reasons for your concern perhaps. Then, if she is having doubts herself she might just reach out to you/test the water and you could play it by ear. if she asks you directly what you think about what she's doing, you should tell her the truth.

Thank you.

I feel bad for even thinking about cutting her out of my life now, I just didn't know what the correct thing to was. Obviously I don't want to turn my back on her as she may need someone who isn't involved in that side of her life to turn to one day if she ever sees it for what it is. I think the people who are supporting her decision who know about her illness are betraying her with ideas of empowerment when her illness and vulnerability is being exploited.

I think I will just check her status' and online presence periodically, to make sure she's not crashing or floundering. I hope she reaches out someday. I will message her and let her know I'm there it she ever wants to chat to me about anything, without mentioning her 'work'.

I was aware it would be a very delicate topic and I could risk alienating he.

You've made me feel more confident in my approach.